Once I stopped giving a F@$%, people started giving a F@$%. - Eminem

Wise words Slim Shady, but hard to execute.

Worrying about what other people think of me was one of the biggest roadblocks to perform at my best and enjoy the moment. Because I’m human, I’m still working on this struggle everyday.

What about you? Do you wrap all of your self-worth around fitting in, getting acceptance, how you look, and hearing praise? If this is your mindset, you will be trapped in performance jail by what I call Bad COPs: constantly Comparing yourself to others, obsessing over Opinions, and chasing the lie of Perfection.

Most of the time, the biggest hindrance of peak performance is not how much we care about our performance...we all want to win, but the fact that we care too much. All too often, our self-worth is wrapped around our outcomes, and our perceived perception of what people think of us.

I love this quote from W. Timothy Gallwey, author of the ground breaking book the Inner Game of Tennis, “But who said that I am to be measured by how well I do things? In fact, who said that I should be measured at all? Who indeed? What is required to disengage oneself from this trap is a clear knowledge that the value of a human being cannot be measured by performance—or by any other arbitrary measurement.”

Based on self reflection and my research in high performance, here are four keys to not give a shit (pardon my French).

1. People are thinking about themselves not you

This is rule number one in turning down the dial of overly caring about what other people think of you. It’s the realization that most often, people are obsessing over themselves, not you. While you are busy sizing the opponent up, they’re actually sizing themselves up and comparing themselves to you. You are not the only one thinking, “How do I look and how am I doing.” ...whether this is an athlete, official, coach, manager, sales professional, or parent, etc. We all play this game at the same time.

Also, when you are in a group setting, eyes are not just on you, but others as well. When you understand this, that it’s not just about you, it helps lower the stress of constantly judging yourself.

2. The world isn’t flat

Whether it was a game or big sales presentation I was preparing for, I used to let the anticipation of that event completely consume me. I couldn’t see past it. I had the fixed mindset of allowing one performance shape my value and self-image. In other words, my world was flat...there was nothing beyond that event...especially if I failed...I’d fall off the end of the earth into a pit of insecurity.

I've come to learn that the world isn’t flat. It circles around the sun. There will be a tomorrow. When there is darkness, there will be a dawn. Success or failure are not people, but events. I’ve learned that I can grow and improve regardless of the outcome. My worthiness is not limited to one event or mistake. Win or lose, the sun will rise and I’m not the center of the universe, but a collection of other stars.

3. Own the moment

Think about your thought life. How much mental energy do you spend worrying about what could go wrong in the future or replaying a past mistake? If this is you, you are only leaving around 20% of your focus in the present moment. Be where your feet are. When coaching business professionals or athletes, I like to remind them that:

There are no big moments. Every moment is important.

Practice is just as important as a game or big presentation. When you can value every moment the same, you will be more present and less stressed.

4. The four “I knows...”

Athenticity is a super power. Here are two quotes I love about internal clarity:

With clear values, decisions are easy.
If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.

Take some time to self reflect on the four I Know Statements:

I know I’m loved by God
I know who I am
I know what I want
I know what I need to do to get there

Clarity is power. Let these prompts guide the vision and actions in your life.

Its easier said then done, but the less you can care about what others think, you will flat out perform better. Just ask Eminem.

For more tips on improving your performance, get Collin’s new book: Master Your Mindset, and learn the tools needed to win the inner-game.

Eric was not doing very well. This junior in high school was barely getting by with his grades. He hated school and several of his teachers did not believe that he would even graduate. While in class, Eric barely paid attention, and he would spend more time being the class clown than listening and doing his school work.

After seeing his first semester report card that junior year, Eric told his mom, “I’m just not very smart. I don’t think that I’m cut out to go to college.” He added, “The SATs are coming up, but what’s the use of even taking them?”

Eric’s mom was very supportive and encouraged his son to give the SATs a shot. “You have nothing to lose,” she told him. “There may be some colleges you can get into, but you’ll never know your capabilities if you do not at least take that test.”

“OK mom, OK, I’ll take the test,” he said begrudgingly. The next day Eric signed up.

A month went by and with no surprise, Eric hadn’t studied at all. He showed up to take the SAT and felt that it was hard, but that he did know some of the answers. There were many tough questions though, which he tried to cheat, but everyone’s test around him looked different than his. He did his best to at least write down an answer and not leave one blank. When Eric finished, he turned his test in with a sigh of relief and said, “I’m glad that’s over.”

Several months went by and Eric’s behavior started to get even worse. He went to detention for fighting after school and he was even failing his chemistry class. Eric’s mom was stressed worrying about her boy when an envelope arrived in the mail. It was the results of his SAT test. After school that day they opened it together not expecting much.

Anticipating the worst, they received an extreme surprise...they saw his score: 1500 (out of 1600). They both almost fainted. “What!” Eric’s mother screamed. “A 1500! Is that right? Eric, did you cheat?”

“No mom I didn’t. I promise,” Eric responded. “To be honest, I tried, but everyone’s test was different. Maybe I am smart after all.”

They both couldn’t believe it. Maybe Eric was intelligent, but just wasn’t focusing or trying hard in school? This test result really motivated Eric and he began to make some changes. He stopped skipping class. He paid more attention during lectures and for the first time in his life he was turning all of his homework assignments in on time. Eric really had a transformation. His mom was most excited about the fact that Eric stopped hanging out with certain individuals that were bringing him down with their behavior.

“Maybe college is for me.” Eric told his mom.

With all of his hard work during his senior year in high school, Eric was able to get his GPA up to a level where he could graduate. His improved focus and commitment paid off. Upon graduation, Eric was accepted and attended a small four year college about two hours north of his home.

While in college, he thrived in that environment and eventually graduated with honors. Years later, Eric became the CEO of a popular magazine brand and he credits the turning point of his life, receiving his high SAT score.

The most powerful force is how you see yourself.

“My self-image really changed after taking that test,” He often would say. “For once in my life I actually believed in myself.”

While coming home for Christmas to his mom’s house with his wife and two children many years later (16 years after he graduated from high school), Eric’s mom had an envelope waiting for him. It was from the College Board and the Educational Testing Service (ETS), which developed the SAT. “Eric, this is for you,” his mom said while sipping a cup of coffee. “This envelope arrived about two weeks ago.”

While reading this letter standing around the kitchen island, the ETS informed Eric that there was a mistake on his test. While performing an internal audit, they found that in the past 16 years, a handful of individuals were sent the wrong test results. They apologized, but his score was actually a 710—not a 1500.

“What? How can this be?” Eric asked his mom with astonishment.

“Who cares about this letter dear?” His mom responded. “That mistake helped you find your true potential.”

She was right. Even though Eric’s grades and SAT results would suggest that his intelligence during high school was average or below average versus his peers, Eric turned his life around. By having a more positive self-image, his habits, actions, and behaviors changed.

This lesson, which is actually based on a true story, is this: Excellence is not fixed, but can grow…and it all starts with how you see yourself.

How is your self-image?

It’s time to believe in yourself, take control of your life, and begin to change key habits that will help lead you to success. You do not need a false test score, external validation, your past, or current situation to begin your own journey of self-confidence. Decide today that you are enough and that you have everything you need to reach or exceed your potential.

The power of belief and self-image are the most powerful forces we have. Change your self-talk and your image will improve. Change your image, and your actions will match that image. With an improved self-image and actions, your results will reach a higher level. With better results, the stronger your belief will become.

What areas of your life are you self-sabotaging with a negative image of yourself?

Scholastics
Athletics
Socially
Dating
Marriage
Your fitness
Trying new things
Career opportunities
Public speaking
Bouncing back from failure

What steps can you take to improve your self-image?

USE THE SVP METHOD TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF IMAGE. Take out a piece of paper and answer these questions. This is a form of self-advertising. You are using your conscious brain to advertise and reshape your self-image to your subconscious brain.

S: What are my Strengths? What do I naturally excel at and enjoy?
V: What is my Vision? Set a goal for yourself and work consistently on achieving that goal.
V: What are my Values? List key words that will guide your behavior. These guiding principles will help you stay on course to achieve your vision.
P: Write down where you had Past success. This is an affirmation exercise and you are remembering that you can achieve greatest...it’s time to do it again.
P: What’s your Purpose? Why do you want your goal? No purpose...no passion. Having a clear purpose will help you push through the hard times.

Rome was not built in a day...nor will the best version of you be either. Identify your strengths. Focus on your vision. Stop comparing and obsessing what others think of you. Zero in on your values and just be you. But, more importantly, take the necessary actions needed to grow and improve...that is where ultimate fulfillment is found.

Make a change for the better. Commit. Believe. Work hard. Persist. And lastly, give yourself GRACE. If you follow this recipe, you will unlock your full potential and RISE...just like Eric.

Check out my book Project Rise and it’s counterpart the Rise Journal and learn life-changing tools to be the best version of you.

4 KEYS TO NOT GIVE A SH@%