BE THE NEXT YOU

WHO DO YOU ADMIRE MOST?

Imagine meeting that person. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet and have a conversation with someone that I have looked up to for a long time.

Similar to how a young wide-receiver would study Hall of Famer Jerry Rice (the GOAT) or how Michael Jackson said he studied the dance moves of James Brown and Fred Astaire to hone his craft as an entertainer... I’ve researched and created a foundation of learning from several titans in the field of personal and team performance. 

Who are you studying and learning from?

So when the moment came to learn and pick the brain from one of my heroes, I walked away thinking, “That is not how I imagined that going.” Maybe this individual was having an off day, but their position on this industry seemed the opposite of mine. I’ve had a totally different experience and the cool thing is, we don’t have to agree. I respect everyone’s right to their opinion.

After that conversation, I had a moment of clarity. A bright light bulb went off inside. For several years I’ve been trying to be the next (fill-in the blank), but in that moment I realized I need to be the next Collin Henderson. 

Everyone else is already taken. To gain a competitive advantage, be yourself.  

We live in a day and age where comparing is at an all-time high... especially with social media and the internet. We see people living a “fake-real life” by comparing their highlights to our behind the scenes. We create generalizations of how we should look, dress, talk, and act. However, what I’ve learned is the best leaders, entrepreneurs, and performers have a clarity and conviction that keeps them focused and less consumed about what others think... and that is their greatest power.  

One of the most influential and attractive traits is authenticity. 

How you are different is your strength.

This reminds me of a story I heard about a young unknown rapper telling the iconic producer and music creator Pharrell Williams that he wanted to be the next Andre 3000 (from the legendary hip hop duo Outcast... shout out to the ATL!). Pharrell sat back, listened, then offered the best advice. He said, “The world already has an Andre. You should be the next you.”

Wow. Powerful. As I look back on what I’ve accomplished, what I strive to achieve, and the lives I want to impact, this recent experience has inspired me to triple down on myself and to just be me. Though I am similar in many ways to my hero that I recently met, I am completely different in more ways.

Instead of comparing, I need to remember to use what I have and play to my strengths. 

So now let’s talk about you.  How often do you find yourself comparing and thinking you need to be like someone else to be accepted and successful? Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that success leaves clues and we should model certain behaviors of the elite performers in our field, but to take your impact, happiness, and success to the next level... you have to find that sweet spot of authenticity now (in the present) and who you are striving to be (the best version of you in the future).

You can be and achieve anything.

Don’t find yourself, create yourself.  

The only limit you have is the ceiling you place on yourself. Celebrate how you are different. Stand out for the right reasons. Create a new lane never seen before.  First they will second-guess you, then they will demean you, then they will copy and want to be you. Think of Prince (RIP), the Williams sisters (Serena and Venus), Mother Teresa, MLK, Jeff Bazos, Gandhi, and Dwayne Johnson... thank goodness they didn’t copy others, but used what they had to innovate, impact those around them, and even change the world. 

Now it’s your turn.  

You don’t need validation from the person you admire the most or anyone for that matter. Take some time to think about what traits, experiences, and strengths that separate you. Instead of conforming, start creating and innovating. Don’t obsess over what you do not have, simply use what you have, and grow your skills every day. That’s what I plan to do. I hope you do too.

Collin Henderson is a leader in the personal development space. His books, online courses, podcast, and workshops teach individuals and teams how to have an elite mindset, create high-performance habits, and development a winning culture. Check out his virtual training here.

5 SIMPLE WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

Do you have a re-occurring dream? I do. The scene is usually the same. I’m back in college playing football and I’m completely stressed because either my legs feel so heavy I can hardly move them, I’m missing a piece of equipment needed to play, or I’m stuck on the bench because I was playing below my potential. 

Reflecting on my playing career, this re-occurring dream isn’t too far from my experience. Though I was a starter and contributor, my lack of confidence, consistent routines, and no recovery plan (I often over-worked myself), my true ability was not fully actualized.

Because of this experience, my passion is to help performers not feel the same way I did, but show them that there is a different way.

It all comes down to two factors: Behaviors and Belief. You need both for lasting success. 

Behaviors, as in habits, and belief, meaning confidence in your abilities. Based off of my research in high performance and reflecting on my old limiting mindset, below are 5 behaviors and mental strategies you can use to gain confidence and a deep sense of belief.  

1. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU

Rule number one is this: not everyone is looking at you or obsessing over your every move. People are more worried about how they look. There are other people on the court or field of competition too and all eyes are not solely on you. This reality is very freeing. No one goes to bed thinking about your mistakes. Remember it’s all about the team, and not you. If you are part of a collective unit, repeat this statement daily, “It’s not about me.” This gloabal perspective will help your performance...especially if you put your Instagram and Snapchat away too (reminder: social media is not real life). 

2. STOP JUDGING  

Being in a flow state means being completely present without judgement and in the zone. A hinderence of being completely in the moment is an over judgement of both good and bad outcomes. Remember to give yourself grace when you make a mistake...it’s part of the journey and inevitable. Also, if you have success, stop processing what people will think and how your future might change. Just keep competing and stay in the present moment.

Bad thoughts are bad. Good thoughts are good. No thought is best. 

Excellence is not in the past or future...excellence is in the now. If you are judging your every move, you are robbing yourself the chance of being in flow (the place where ballers live and happiness reside).

3. ADVERTISE 

Remember to talk to yourself, not listen to yourself. Make a list of your strengths, past successful performances, and how you have put in the work. Your brain can only process one thought at a time. If you allow it to just wonder, it will come up with many negative self fulfilling prophecies, past failures, and future fears. During down time, in-between plays, or competitive moments, advertise to yourself (through self-talk) that you have what it takes and that you belong.

Also, use imagery of the movements you’d like to execute. Create a movie of yourself in your brain and attach a positive emotion to it. Dress rehearse it mentally, then execute it physically. Quality thought = quality movement. Convince yourself and your subconscious that you have what it takes by getting your mental reps in daily. Question: How can you become what you don’t believe? Increase your belief by visualizing your execution before it happens. When that moment comes up in real life, your subconscious and body will already know what to do because you have been there before. If you use imagery (all your senses) your brain cannot tell the difference...just like a dream. Learn how to create a future memory.

4. ITS JUST A GAME

Each performance is not a matter of life or death. Your self-worth should not be directly tied to one thing (being an athlete, sales professional, or whatever it is that you do). You don’t need to do more to be more. Whether you go 10-10 or 0-10, your value to the world is the same... SO KEEP SHOOTING!

Excellence is found in authenticity and effort. Compete to be yourself...flaws, strengths, errors and all. Remember: person over performer. Treat people the right way, work hard, improve daily, and be a championship teammate, family member, friend, co-worker...in the end, that is all that matters.  

5. FOCUS ON THE ROOT NOT THE FRUIT

Reflecting back on most of my career, I would often focus on elements outside of my control: statistics, other people’s opinions, outcomes, etc. That is the fruit. Do not allow your attention to be seduced by the factors that are outside of your control. Instead focus on the root (which you can control): your habits, routines, fundamentals, and core values.

What you give your attention to, you give your energy to.

JUST DO YOU! It’s none of your business what other people think of you...you can’t control that or specific outcomes anyway. Stay true to yourself and your process and good things will come. 

You are your only competition...no one else. I hope you want your opponent’s best, because that will help bring out the best in you. Judge yourself on growth, effort, and authenticity (did I have the courage and vulnerability to truly go for it?) . The rest is just out of your control.

You got this! 

To learn and utilize other techniques to improve your confidence and performance, get a copy of the Flow Journal. This workbook will help give you the tool-kit (which I lacked) needed to turn your happy dreams (unlike my nightmares) into reality. 

Watch the 2 minute summary of the Flow Journal HERE. 

Collin Henderson is an author, speaker, and High Performance Coach. He helps athletes and business professionals have a winning mindset and championship habits to be their best.  

4 KEYS TO NOT GIVE A SH@%

Once I stopped giving a F@$%, people started giving a F@$%. - Eminem 

Wise words Slim Shady, but hard to execute.

Worrying about what other people think of me was one of the biggest roadblocks to perform at my best and enjoy the moment. Because I’m human, I’m still working on this struggle everyday.

What about you? Do you wrap all of your self-worth around fitting in, getting acceptance, how you look, and hearing praise? If this is your mindset, you will be trapped in performance jail by what I call Bad COPs: constantly Comparing yourself to others, obsessing over Opinions, and chasing the lie of Perfection.  

Most of the time, the biggest hindrance of peak performance is not how much we care about our performance...we all want to win, but the fact that we care too much. All too often, our self-worth is wrapped around our outcomes, and our perceived perception of what people think of us.

I love this quote from W. Timothy Gallwey, author of the ground breaking book the Inner Game of Tennis, “But who said that I am to be measured by how well I do things? In fact, who said that I should be measured at all? Who indeed? What is required to disengage oneself from this trap is a clear knowledge that the value of a human being cannot be measured by performance—or by any other arbitrary measurement.” 

Based on self reflection and my research in high performance, here are four keys to not give a shit (pardon my French). 

1.  People are thinking about themselves not you

This is rule number one in turning down the dial of overly caring about what other people think of you. It’s the realization that most often, people are obsessing over themselves, not you. While you are busy sizing the opponent up, they’re actually sizing themselves up and comparing themselves to you. You are not the only one thinking, “How do I look and how am I doing.” ...whether this is an athlete, official, coach, manager, sales professional, or parent, etc. We all play this game at the same time.

Also, when you are in a group setting, eyes are not just on you, but others as well. When you understand this, that it’s not just about you, it helps lower the stress of constantly judging yourself. 

2.  The world isn’t flat  

Whether it was a game or big sales presentation I was preparing for, I used to let the anticipation of that event completely consume me. I couldn’t see past it. I had the fixed mindset of allowing one performance shape my value and self-image. In other words, my world was flat...there was nothing beyond that event...especially if I failed...I’d fall off the end of the earth into a pit of insecurity.

I've come to learn that the world isn’t flat. It circles around the sun. There will be a tomorrow. When there is darkness, there will be a dawn. Success or failure are not people, but events. I’ve learned that I can grow and improve regardless of the outcome. My worthiness is not limited to one event or mistake. Win or lose, the sun will rise and I’m not the center of the universe, but a collection of other stars. 

3. Own the moment 

Think about your thought life. How much mental energy do you spend worrying about what could go wrong in the future or replaying a past mistake? If this is you, you are only leaving around 20% of your focus in the present moment. Be where your feet are. When coaching business professionals or athletes, I like to remind them that:

There are no big moments. Every moment is important. 

Practice is just as important as a game or big presentation. When you can value every moment the same, you will be more present and less stressed.  

4. The four “I knows...” 

Athenticity is a super power. Here are two quotes I love about internal clarity: 

• With clear values, decisions are easy.  
• If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.  

Take some time to self reflect on the four I Know Statements:

• I know I’m loved by God
• I know who I am
• I know what I want
• I know what I need to do to get there

Clarity is power. Let these prompts guide the vision and actions in your life.  

Its easier said then done, but the less you can care about what others think, you will flat out perform better. Just ask Eminem.

For more tips on improving your performance, get Collin’s new book: Master Your Mindset, and learn the tools needed to win the inner-game.  

A STORY OF SELF-IMAGE

Eric was not doing very well. This junior in high school was barely getting by with his grades. He hated school and several of his teachers did not believe that he would even graduate. While in class, Eric barely paid attention, and he would spend more time being the class clown than listening and doing his school work.

After seeing his first semester report card that junior year, Eric told his mom, “I’m just not very smart. I don’t think that I’m cut out to go to college.” He added, “The SATs are coming up, but what’s the use of even taking them?”

Eric’s mom was very supportive and encouraged his son to give the SATs a shot. “You have nothing to lose,” she told him. “There may be some colleges you can get into, but you’ll never know your capabilities if you do not at least take that test.”

“OK mom, OK, I’ll take the test,” he said begrudgingly. The next day Eric signed up.

A month went by and with no surprise, Eric hadn’t studied at all. He showed up to take the SAT and felt that it was hard, but that he did know some of the answers. There were many tough questions though, which he tried to cheat, but everyone’s test around him looked different than his. He did his best to at least write down an answer and not leave one blank. When Eric finished, he turned his test in with a sigh of relief and said, “I’m glad that’s over.”

Several months went by and Eric’s behavior started to get even worse. He went to detention for fighting after school and he was even failing his chemistry class. Eric’s mom was stressed worrying about her boy when an envelope arrived in the mail. It was the results of his SAT test. After school that day they opened it together not expecting much.

Anticipating the worst, they received an extreme surprise...they saw his score: 1500 (out of 1600). They both almost fainted. “What!” Eric’s mother screamed. “A 1500! Is that right? Eric, did you cheat?”

“No mom I didn’t. I promise,” Eric responded. “To be honest, I tried, but everyone’s test was different. Maybe I am smart after all.”

They both couldn’t believe it. Maybe Eric was intelligent, but just wasn’t focusing or trying hard in school? This test result really motivated Eric and he began to make some changes. He stopped skipping class. He paid more attention during lectures and for the first time in his life he was turning all of his homework assignments in on time. Eric really had a transformation. His mom was most excited about the fact that Eric stopped hanging out with certain individuals that were bringing him down with their behavior.

“Maybe college is for me.” Eric told his mom.

With all of his hard work during his senior year in high school, Eric was able to get his GPA up to a level where he could graduate. His improved focus and commitment paid off. Upon graduation, Eric was accepted and attended a small four year college about two hours north of his home.

While in college, he thrived in that environment and eventually graduated with honors. Years later, Eric became the CEO of a popular magazine brand and he credits the turning point of his life, receiving his high SAT score.

The most powerful force is how you see yourself. 

“My self-image really changed after taking that test,” He often would say. “For once in my life I actually believed in myself.”

While coming home for Christmas to his mom’s house with his wife and two children many years later (16 years after he graduated from high school), Eric’s mom had an envelope waiting for him. It was from the College Board and the Educational Testing Service (ETS), which developed the SAT. “Eric, this is for you,” his mom said while sipping a cup of coffee. “This envelope arrived about two weeks ago.”

While reading this letter standing around the kitchen island, the ETS informed Eric that there was a mistake on his test. While performing an internal audit, they found that in the past 16 years, a handful of individuals were sent the wrong test results. They apologized, but his score was actually a 710—not a 1500.

“What? How can this be?” Eric asked his mom with astonishment.

“Who cares about this letter dear?” His mom responded. “That mistake helped you find your true potential.”

She was right. Even though Eric’s grades and SAT results would suggest that his intelligence during high school was average or below average versus his peers, Eric turned his life around. By having a more positive self-image, his habits, actions, and behaviors changed.

This lesson, which is actually based on a true story, is this: Excellence is not fixed, but can grow…and it all starts with how you see yourself.

How is your self-image?

It’s time to believe in yourself, take control of your life, and begin to change key habits that will help lead you to success. You do not need a false test score, external validation, your past, or current situation to begin your own journey of self-confidence. Decide today that you are enough and that you have everything you need to reach or exceed your potential.

The power of belief and self-image are the most powerful forces we have. Change your self-talk and your image will improve. Change your image, and your actions will match that image. With an improved self-image and actions, your results will reach a higher level. With better results, the stronger your belief will become.

What areas of your life are you self-sabotaging with a negative image of yourself?

• Scholastics
• Athletics
• Socially
• Dating
• Marriage  
• Your fitness  
• Trying new things
• Career opportunities
• Public speaking
• Bouncing back from failure

What steps can you take to improve your self-image?

USE THE SVP METHOD TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF IMAGE. Take out a piece of paper and answer these questions. This is a form of self-advertising. You are using your conscious brain to advertise and reshape your self-image to your subconscious brain.

• S: What are my Strengths? What do I naturally excel at and enjoy?
• V: What is my Vision? Set a goal for yourself and work consistently on achieving that goal.
• V: What are my Values? List key words that will guide your behavior. These guiding principles will help you stay on course to achieve your vision.  
• P: Write down where you had Past success. This is an affirmation exercise and you are remembering that you can achieve greatest...it’s time to do it again.  
• P: What’s your Purpose? Why do you want your goal? No purpose...no passion. Having a clear purpose will help you push through the hard times.  

Rome was not built in a day...nor will the best version of you be either. Identify your strengths. Focus on your vision. Stop comparing and obsessing what others think of you. Zero in on your values and just be you. But, more importantly, take the necessary actions needed to grow and improve...that is where ultimate fulfillment is found.

Make a change for the better. Commit. Believe. Work hard. Persist. And lastly, give yourself GRACE. If you follow this recipe, you will unlock your full potential and RISE...just like Eric.

Check out my book Project Rise and it’s counterpart the Rise Journal and learn life-changing tools to be the best version of you.

4 Steps to Improve Your Relationship

So it's my birthday this Saturday (November 4). Yo, I'm pumped! More candles on my cake. Like most years, my close family asks me what I want for a birthday present, and I often find myself scrambling for an answer.

My younger self would probably say, some new Jordan's, clothes, a new gadget or piece of technology, but as I've gotten older and wiser, I'm seeking what true happiness feels like. During my journey of self discovery, I've learned that joy doesn't come from things, but from deep relationships.

And there's no relationship more important to me than the one I have with my amazing wife Kendra. All I want for my birthday is to connect on a deeper level with my wife. Honestly, that's it. I'm not saying this to get brownie points, I truly mean it.

This sentiment brings me back to an epiphany I had while watching a Ted Talk last summer. While doing my best to multitask by checking out a few Ted Talks on YouTube while watching the kids in our playroom (I promise Kendra, no one ate poop or swallowed Lego's), I stumbled across a speaker discussing a powerful insight into the human condition. He shared an 80 year study from Harvard that looked into what brings happiness. Tracking 268 Harvard sophomores and their off-spring since 1938, this study gave the researchers a wealth of data on what brings people true joy.

Their conclusion: Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed.

“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

Learn more about the Harvard happiness study here

If you are like I was for most of my life, where you look for status, things, money, accolades, and outcomes to bring happiness, then you will send yourself on a fruitless journey to a bottomless pit of emptiness.

Instead of titles and things, focus on people and relationships. You can't take things with you when you're gone from this earth. To live a glorious life, I believe we need to think about two L words: legacy and love. What kind of light did we shine, and what kind of wake did we leave behind? Even if that light and that wake was designed for one person.

Let me ask you a question, what's one relationship that is most important to you? Let's start there, and capitalize on this amazing opportunity. It could be a friendship, your marriage, a parent-child relationship; it could be a mentor-mentee relationship. My challenge to you today is this...how can you make your most important relationship better?

This is kind of like how I used to shop for clothes. I used to buy many cheaper pieces of clothing that would not last very long, because the quality wasn't there. Now, I'm into buying less garments, but at a much higher price and quality. I now look for the one timeless piece that is worth investing in (sorry T. Do, you told me about the strategy a long time ago, but like most men I'm a slow learner).

What's more important to you, quantity or quality? I found that quality is more important than quantity.

Here are 4 keys to improve your most important relationship. If you do these four steps, I promise you, it will be the best gift you can give to yourself and someone else special to you.

1. Love Yourself First.

This is a cliché of an example, but I often use it to make a point. When there is extreme turbulence in an aircraft, the first thing that they teach you to do is put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before you can help anybody else. How can you be of value to anybody else, if you don't have self respect and love for yourself?

You have so much to offer someone. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Accept who you truly are and don't feel like you need to fit-in. The goal is to belong, as in, belong to yourself first...then you'll be ready to belong to somebody else.

2. Be Vulnerable.

To have ultimate courage, is to be vulnerable. I believe that the truest form of connection is to be authentic with others. Being able to share our pains as well as our gains takes a level of bravery. When was the last time you sat down with someone you truly care about and asked them what is on their heart? When was the last time you truly shared with somebody what is on your heart? Put the phones away and dig deep. You should never worry nor win alone.

Make today the day where you really open up to that one person that you care about the most. Invite them to do the same, and watch your relationship rise. I believe that trust is the ultimate superpower. If you have vulnerability and trust with another person, your heart and souls become stronger, healthier, and true joy is set free from our internal chains of jealousy, insecurity, and the lie of perfection.

3. Be Intentional.

Greatness doesn't just appear. Whether you're an Olympic athlete, or a successful entrepreneur, nothing ever happens by accident. Effort and persistence are the engine that drives achievement. People in relationships that are struggling, I'll sometimes ask, "Are you putting in the same effort you did now as you did when you began the relationship?" That's usually a wake up call. I'm tired of the excuses, "I'm so busy." "We're so busy." Shut the F up. The phone call can wait. Answering that text message or email can wait. Stop lying to yourself, and glorifying the hustle. Having a deep, loving, and committed relationship is much cooler than how many followers you have on Instagram, or digits in your bank account.

Here's a thought, schedule quality time in your calendar just like you would any other important meeting.

I promise you this, when you look back on your life, I'll bet that you'll yearn more for feelings, moments, and experiences with somebody you love, versus watching a TV show, sleeping, working 70 hours per week, or buying some random thing that you won't care about in a year. Make some memories today, and do it with somebody you love.

4. Give More Than You Receive. 

Kendra and I often discuss the power of giving and expecting nothing in return. That's the core mission of our marriage. We don't always execute this perfectly, but that is our intent. When giving and serving is the focus, call it God or the universe,  but you will receive much more than you will focusing solely on yourself.

I think we just get lazy and lost in our own ego. We let pride stand in the way of our progress - as individuals and as a pair. Imagine if two people shared the common mission to truly serve the other person for the better. Picture what miracles and joy can be created with that mindset.

How can you serve your go-to person better? What's one thing you can do today that you know will fill their bucket? If this is the focus for each of you, you will experience the synergy of sacrifice and service. You both will rise to a fulfillment way more high then seeking your desires on your own.  I call this a RISE Relationship.

Happy Relationship Gameplan: Do this today and watch your happiness and relationship RISE.

1. Identify the relationship that is most important to you.

2. Tell yourself that you are amazing, that you are awesome just the way you are, and you have what it takes to bring value to the person you love the most.

3. Be intentional about scheduling quality time, and doing something that you enjoy together with that person. But here's the twist, make that date, or that event all about the other person, and see what happens.

4. Open up and be vulnerable about something that you don't normally talk about. Ask the other person to do the same.

This might be strange or uncomfortable for you, or you might be a pro at this. Either way, what do you have to lose?

I can't wait to do this with Kendra on my birthday date night. Who knows, if I follow steps 1-4 above, I might be able to wear my birthday suit later. 😜🤣😈

Get your copy of my books Project Rise and the Rise Journal and learn 8 key habits to be your best self! 

Leggo! #RiseUp #BestVersionOfYou