BE THE NEXT YOU

WHO DO YOU ADMIRE MOST?

Imagine meeting that person. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet and have a conversation with someone that I have looked up to for a long time.

Similar to how a young wide-receiver would study Hall of Famer Jerry Rice (the GOAT) or how Michael Jackson said he studied the dance moves of James Brown and Fred Astaire to hone his craft as an entertainer... I’ve researched and created a foundation of learning from several titans in the field of personal and team performance. 

Who are you studying and learning from?

So when the moment came to learn and pick the brain from one of my heroes, I walked away thinking, “That is not how I imagined that going.” Maybe this individual was having an off day, but their position on this industry seemed the opposite of mine. I’ve had a totally different experience and the cool thing is, we don’t have to agree. I respect everyone’s right to their opinion.

After that conversation, I had a moment of clarity. A bright light bulb went off inside. For several years I’ve been trying to be the next (fill-in the blank), but in that moment I realized I need to be the next Collin Henderson. 

Everyone else is already taken. To gain a competitive advantage, be yourself.  

We live in a day and age where comparing is at an all-time high... especially with social media and the internet. We see people living a “fake-real life” by comparing their highlights to our behind the scenes. We create generalizations of how we should look, dress, talk, and act. However, what I’ve learned is the best leaders, entrepreneurs, and performers have a clarity and conviction that keeps them focused and less consumed about what others think... and that is their greatest power.  

One of the most influential and attractive traits is authenticity. 

How you are different is your strength.

This reminds me of a story I heard about a young unknown rapper telling the iconic producer and music creator Pharrell Williams that he wanted to be the next Andre 3000 (from the legendary hip hop duo Outcast... shout out to the ATL!). Pharrell sat back, listened, then offered the best advice. He said, “The world already has an Andre. You should be the next you.”

Wow. Powerful. As I look back on what I’ve accomplished, what I strive to achieve, and the lives I want to impact, this recent experience has inspired me to triple down on myself and to just be me. Though I am similar in many ways to my hero that I recently met, I am completely different in more ways.

Instead of comparing, I need to remember to use what I have and play to my strengths. 

So now let’s talk about you.  How often do you find yourself comparing and thinking you need to be like someone else to be accepted and successful? Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that success leaves clues and we should model certain behaviors of the elite performers in our field, but to take your impact, happiness, and success to the next level... you have to find that sweet spot of authenticity now (in the present) and who you are striving to be (the best version of you in the future).

You can be and achieve anything.

Don’t find yourself, create yourself.  

The only limit you have is the ceiling you place on yourself. Celebrate how you are different. Stand out for the right reasons. Create a new lane never seen before.  First they will second-guess you, then they will demean you, then they will copy and want to be you. Think of Prince (RIP), the Williams sisters (Serena and Venus), Mother Teresa, MLK, Jeff Bazos, Gandhi, and Dwayne Johnson... thank goodness they didn’t copy others, but used what they had to innovate, impact those around them, and even change the world. 

Now it’s your turn.  

You don’t need validation from the person you admire the most or anyone for that matter. Take some time to think about what traits, experiences, and strengths that separate you. Instead of conforming, start creating and innovating. Don’t obsess over what you do not have, simply use what you have, and grow your skills every day. That’s what I plan to do. I hope you do too.

Collin Henderson is a leader in the personal development space. His books, online courses, podcast, and workshops teach individuals and teams how to have an elite mindset, create high-performance habits, and development a winning culture. Check out his virtual training here.

5 SIMPLE WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

Do you have a re-occurring dream? I do. The scene is usually the same. I’m back in college playing football and I’m completely stressed because either my legs feel so heavy I can hardly move them, I’m missing a piece of equipment needed to play, or I’m stuck on the bench because I was playing below my potential. 

Reflecting on my playing career, this re-occurring dream isn’t too far from my experience. Though I was a starter and contributor, my lack of confidence, consistent routines, and no recovery plan (I often over-worked myself), my true ability was not fully actualized.

Because of this experience, my passion is to help performers not feel the same way I did, but show them that there is a different way.

It all comes down to two factors: Behaviors and Belief. You need both for lasting success. 

Behaviors, as in habits, and belief, meaning confidence in your abilities. Based off of my research in high performance and reflecting on my old limiting mindset, below are 5 behaviors and mental strategies you can use to gain confidence and a deep sense of belief.  

1. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU

Rule number one is this: not everyone is looking at you or obsessing over your every move. People are more worried about how they look. There are other people on the court or field of competition too and all eyes are not solely on you. This reality is very freeing. No one goes to bed thinking about your mistakes. Remember it’s all about the team, and not you. If you are part of a collective unit, repeat this statement daily, “It’s not about me.” This gloabal perspective will help your performance...especially if you put your Instagram and Snapchat away too (reminder: social media is not real life). 

2. STOP JUDGING  

Being in a flow state means being completely present without judgement and in the zone. A hinderence of being completely in the moment is an over judgement of both good and bad outcomes. Remember to give yourself grace when you make a mistake...it’s part of the journey and inevitable. Also, if you have success, stop processing what people will think and how your future might change. Just keep competing and stay in the present moment.

Bad thoughts are bad. Good thoughts are good. No thought is best. 

Excellence is not in the past or future...excellence is in the now. If you are judging your every move, you are robbing yourself the chance of being in flow (the place where ballers live and happiness reside).

3. ADVERTISE 

Remember to talk to yourself, not listen to yourself. Make a list of your strengths, past successful performances, and how you have put in the work. Your brain can only process one thought at a time. If you allow it to just wonder, it will come up with many negative self fulfilling prophecies, past failures, and future fears. During down time, in-between plays, or competitive moments, advertise to yourself (through self-talk) that you have what it takes and that you belong.

Also, use imagery of the movements you’d like to execute. Create a movie of yourself in your brain and attach a positive emotion to it. Dress rehearse it mentally, then execute it physically. Quality thought = quality movement. Convince yourself and your subconscious that you have what it takes by getting your mental reps in daily. Question: How can you become what you don’t believe? Increase your belief by visualizing your execution before it happens. When that moment comes up in real life, your subconscious and body will already know what to do because you have been there before. If you use imagery (all your senses) your brain cannot tell the difference...just like a dream. Learn how to create a future memory.

4. ITS JUST A GAME

Each performance is not a matter of life or death. Your self-worth should not be directly tied to one thing (being an athlete, sales professional, or whatever it is that you do). You don’t need to do more to be more. Whether you go 10-10 or 0-10, your value to the world is the same... SO KEEP SHOOTING!

Excellence is found in authenticity and effort. Compete to be yourself...flaws, strengths, errors and all. Remember: person over performer. Treat people the right way, work hard, improve daily, and be a championship teammate, family member, friend, co-worker...in the end, that is all that matters.  

5. FOCUS ON THE ROOT NOT THE FRUIT

Reflecting back on most of my career, I would often focus on elements outside of my control: statistics, other people’s opinions, outcomes, etc. That is the fruit. Do not allow your attention to be seduced by the factors that are outside of your control. Instead focus on the root (which you can control): your habits, routines, fundamentals, and core values.

What you give your attention to, you give your energy to.

JUST DO YOU! It’s none of your business what other people think of you...you can’t control that or specific outcomes anyway. Stay true to yourself and your process and good things will come. 

You are your only competition...no one else. I hope you want your opponent’s best, because that will help bring out the best in you. Judge yourself on growth, effort, and authenticity (did I have the courage and vulnerability to truly go for it?) . The rest is just out of your control.

You got this! 

To learn and utilize other techniques to improve your confidence and performance, get a copy of the Flow Journal. This workbook will help give you the tool-kit (which I lacked) needed to turn your happy dreams (unlike my nightmares) into reality. 

Watch the 2 minute summary of the Flow Journal HERE. 

Collin Henderson is an author, speaker, and High Performance Coach. He helps athletes and business professionals have a winning mindset and championship habits to be their best.  

4 KEYS TO NOT GIVE A SH@%

Once I stopped giving a F@$%, people started giving a F@$%. - Eminem 

Wise words Slim Shady, but hard to execute.

Worrying about what other people think of me was one of the biggest roadblocks to perform at my best and enjoy the moment. Because I’m human, I’m still working on this struggle everyday.

What about you? Do you wrap all of your self-worth around fitting in, getting acceptance, how you look, and hearing praise? If this is your mindset, you will be trapped in performance jail by what I call Bad COPs: constantly Comparing yourself to others, obsessing over Opinions, and chasing the lie of Perfection.  

Most of the time, the biggest hindrance of peak performance is not how much we care about our performance...we all want to win, but the fact that we care too much. All too often, our self-worth is wrapped around our outcomes, and our perceived perception of what people think of us.

I love this quote from W. Timothy Gallwey, author of the ground breaking book the Inner Game of Tennis, “But who said that I am to be measured by how well I do things? In fact, who said that I should be measured at all? Who indeed? What is required to disengage oneself from this trap is a clear knowledge that the value of a human being cannot be measured by performance—or by any other arbitrary measurement.” 

Based on self reflection and my research in high performance, here are four keys to not give a shit (pardon my French). 

1.  People are thinking about themselves not you

This is rule number one in turning down the dial of overly caring about what other people think of you. It’s the realization that most often, people are obsessing over themselves, not you. While you are busy sizing the opponent up, they’re actually sizing themselves up and comparing themselves to you. You are not the only one thinking, “How do I look and how am I doing.” ...whether this is an athlete, official, coach, manager, sales professional, or parent, etc. We all play this game at the same time.

Also, when you are in a group setting, eyes are not just on you, but others as well. When you understand this, that it’s not just about you, it helps lower the stress of constantly judging yourself. 

2.  The world isn’t flat  

Whether it was a game or big sales presentation I was preparing for, I used to let the anticipation of that event completely consume me. I couldn’t see past it. I had the fixed mindset of allowing one performance shape my value and self-image. In other words, my world was flat...there was nothing beyond that event...especially if I failed...I’d fall off the end of the earth into a pit of insecurity.

I've come to learn that the world isn’t flat. It circles around the sun. There will be a tomorrow. When there is darkness, there will be a dawn. Success or failure are not people, but events. I’ve learned that I can grow and improve regardless of the outcome. My worthiness is not limited to one event or mistake. Win or lose, the sun will rise and I’m not the center of the universe, but a collection of other stars. 

3. Own the moment 

Think about your thought life. How much mental energy do you spend worrying about what could go wrong in the future or replaying a past mistake? If this is you, you are only leaving around 20% of your focus in the present moment. Be where your feet are. When coaching business professionals or athletes, I like to remind them that:

There are no big moments. Every moment is important. 

Practice is just as important as a game or big presentation. When you can value every moment the same, you will be more present and less stressed.  

4. The four “I knows...” 

Athenticity is a super power. Here are two quotes I love about internal clarity: 

• With clear values, decisions are easy.  
• If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.  

Take some time to self reflect on the four I Know Statements:

• I know I’m loved by God
• I know who I am
• I know what I want
• I know what I need to do to get there

Clarity is power. Let these prompts guide the vision and actions in your life.  

Its easier said then done, but the less you can care about what others think, you will flat out perform better. Just ask Eminem.

For more tips on improving your performance, get Collin’s new book: Master Your Mindset, and learn the tools needed to win the inner-game.