PROJECT RISE SPOTLIGHT: P.J. FLECK

Have you heard of the name PJ Fleck?  If you haven’t you need to.  Let me introduce you to an individual that has captivated the sports world, including myself with his energy, unconventional leadership style, and passion for people.

Fleck is the head coach at Western Michigan, who is undefeated and preparing to play Wisconsin in the Cotton Bowl.  Fleck, who was a standout receiver at Northern Illinois, signed a free agent deal with the 49er’s, and played in the league for a few years before an injury cut his career short.  He then got into coaching and was mentored by Ohio State’s Jim Tressel and Rutger’s Greg Schiano.  Coach Schiano took Fleck with him to coach wide receivers with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers before Fleck, in 2013, made the move to lead Western Michigan to places never seen in the school’s history.

Coach Fleck looking sharp!  He even rocks the tie on gamedays on the field.

I equate Fleck’s coaching style to be the way Tony Robbins would coach a football program.  He loves his players, teaches them more about life than X’s and O’s, and not only is inspiring the Western Michigan athletic program, but the whole Kalamazoo community.  His pregame speeches are legendary.  His recruiting classes are unbelievable, considering being in a non Power 5 conference.

His slogan “Row the Boat” has taken on a life of its own across the country.  All of this coming from a man who just turned 36 a few weeks ago.

What I’ve learned by studying Coach Fleck:

• He has a clear vision and extreme passion
• He understands his values, models them, and expects his players to follow
• He values relationships beyond everything else
• He looks for kids who have dealt with adversity
• He stresses to his program to focus on the process not the prize
• He has failed…his first season they only won one game
• He’s a real person…he is divorced, remarried and even had to go through the tragedy of losing a child.
• He is not afraid to be himself and lead unconventionally in a sport full of “tough guys”

That list above is why the Broncos are undefeated and he is in the middle of a contract extension and pay increase.  Take a look for yourself and re-evaluate how you are leading others.  Maybe it’s time you “Row the Boat.”

Below is a great article that Fleck wrote recently for the Player’s Tribune.  I also added an awesome piece done by ESPN, when College Gameday paid a visit to Kalamazoo this year, as well as a sit down interview where he explains the Row the Boat mantra.  Enjoy!

Fleck’s article in the Player’s Tribune

POWERFUL PARADOX

When I looked up the word “paradox” I found several definitions.  This is the one I liked the best:

par-a-dox
noun

A seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded and true.

When I speak to student-athletes, I tell them that they are in a state of paradox in their life…they are young, thus they have many many years left to live.  However, their athletic careers are near the end…maybe 3 more seasons, 2 more months, or maybe even 1 more game and it’s all over.  See the paradox there?…Two opposite forces colliding together at one point in time.  I stress the importance of SEIZING THE MOMENT, to not waste a single day or even a single play!  The pain of regret hurts more than the pain of effort and hard work.

But that is not the point of this message.  I do believe that life is short and we need to take action and give it all we got, but that was never MY problem.  I’ve never had an effort problem.  I was always the first to show up and the last to leave.  One time my junior year playing football at WSU, Coach Mike Price told me to quit running extra routes after practice because I was looking slower at practice and film.  The reason I was taking extra reps was because I wasn’t getting the rock…my catches were down from the previous 2 seasons and working extra hard was my only way to cope with the frustration and disappointment of my lack of production…unfortunately it was wearing my body down and my effort was counterproductive.

So if effort wasn’t my problem…then was is attitude?  No, definitely not attitude.  I’ve always been an up beat positive guy, full of energy and enthusiasm.  I was usually a leader and a team captain in any sport I played.  So what was my problem?  Here it is:

I cared too much of what people thought of me.

I’ve always been a pleaser by nature and cared about my image, which up until this point of my life it has come to my detriment.  I was confident in many settings, but was really insecure about always having a perfect image, not upsetting anyone, not showing my flaws, basically I was a robot – programmed to win and look good while doing it.

This approach brought results, but at what cost?  I was always really good, but not the best…largely because my mind was filled with judging thoughts of my every move.  I’d be envisioning what people in the crowd were thinking, my parents, my peers, my teammates, my coaches, my manager, co-workers, basically EVERYONE!  I always had achievement, but the psychological warfare I put on myself always took its toll.

If I had a presentation for work and did a great job, but messed up on one spot, I’d obsess over that one hiccup and ponder, “They had to have seen me screw up there.  They probably think I’m not as talented as they may have once thought.”  I think back now at how absurd that thinking was, but that was my reality.  I’d even avoid many situations in sports and professionally because I was afraid of failure and the feelings and embarrassment of that let down.  I was the definition of a “fixed mindset”…avoiding failure and needing constant validation.

I’ve come a long way since then.  Through several years of studying successful people…reading about them, their strategies, their stories; listening to podcasts, audio books, and videos on YouTube; and applying many of these approaches and reflecting on my life.  I think I’m on to something and I’d like to share it with you.  This powerful paradox that if understood, utilized, and practiced, will change your life, the way it has changed mine (I’m still a work in progress by the way…striving to have a “growth mindset”).  If you can master and trust this phrase, I see big things in your horizon:

CARE / DON’T CARE

What if you combined the swag and not giving a sh%# of Kanye with the caring and compassion of Mother Teresa (celebrity name T. Yeezy)?  OMG, you might have enough power and force to destroy planets like the Death Star.

STEP #1, CARE
Here’s the thing, you NEED TO CARE about yourself, your craft, your effort/attitude, and final product – check (where’s that check emoticon when you need it?).  YOU NEED TO CARE about the people around you, your team, organization, the amount of time you put in your preparation – check.  YOU NEED TO CARE and have passion in whatever it is you do and take pride in your preparation, habits, and discipline – check.  CARE, love, be generous, and serve others.  Yes, this I know is true.  All of that is step # 1, YOU NEED TO CARE.  You CARE by having an INTERNAL INVESTMENT with EXTERNAL EXECUTION.  However, you MUST and I mean MUST, have step #2.

STEP #2, DON’T CARE
In order to go places where no man’s gone before, you basically can’t give a flying F&%# about what others think about you…its that simple.  You should care about what your friends and family think about your core values, integrity, and character, but any and all things other than that…SCREW ‘EM!

I’ve been taking a deep dive into sales trainer extraordinaire, Grant Cardone, who has written multiple NY Times best selling books, including the 10x Rule and most recently, Be Obsessed or Be Average.  Cardone shares his 4 Steps to Success of what you must get and need in the 10x Rule:

1. Attention
2. Criticism
3. Haters
4. Admiration

I was always all in on number 1 and 4, but 2 and 3?  I was too soft and sensitive.  But, now I’m working on my blinders…staying laser focus on just doing me…not worrying for one second what others think.  Listen, HATERS ARE GOOD!  It means you are either doing something different or unique, or you are CRUSHING IT…these people are trying to pull you down because of their lack of accomplishment.  They want to bring you down to their level!  Forget about it!  CRITICISM is also good, it means you have an audience and people are watching.  Unfortunately, social media apps like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, provide people a forum to showcase their HaterAid.  Do what Jay-Z preaches and “Go ahead brush your shoulders off!”

Often times, its the people who are hurting that say hurtful things…don’t pay them no mind.

Come on, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift have the most adoring fans in the world…they both are also ridiculously rich.  But guess what else they have…a legion of HATERS and criticizers.  The Biebs has the most unliked video in the history of YouTube for his jam “Baby.”  Multimillionaire Mr. Cardone shared his 4 Steps to Success.  They are good, yes, but here are mine 5 Keys to help you get off of CARE about EVERYTHING train, and get on the CARE/DON’T CARE Express to being the best version of you…

5 Keys to Care // Don’t Care:

1. Have the courage to JUST BE YOU!  Remember, everyone else is taken.

2. Know your CORE VALUES…write them down, live them daily, and do not comprise them for anybody.

3. DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  If you are doing what you are passionate about, really what else matters?

4. Know that OPINIONS ARE NOT FACTS…they’re just someone’s opinion!

5. Understand that YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE…if you try to please everyone else, you will please no one…including yourself!

Please take my advice to CARE/DON’T CARE.  That approach works 99% of the time when attracting a date (why do they like you more when you seem not interested?).  Try it in life and watch this paradox bring you passion, performance, and prosperity (I love alliteration!).

No one boos the backup.  Thanks Mike Ike for the share.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR EMOTION

Have you ever had to make a big decision and were stressing on what to do?  Have you felt stuck in a rut, down, or depressed…just searching desperately for a breakthrough? (Damn it…you’ve binged through all the current episodes of Game of Thrones!)  Have you found yourself searching for clarity, the next step in your life, or just looking for purpose?

Need a lift? Try this.

Let me share a strategy that is tested through scientific research and has been backed by many successful people as well as sought after life coaches.  I can speak from my own experience, this approach has drawn me to laughter, deep thought, and often times tears (all at the same time), because I’ve been so profoundly moved by a kinetic force that I cannot explain.  This strategy is so simple, everyone has already done it – in some form or fashion – but I’m going to teach you how to be intentional and use it as a weapon to provide the clarity and purpose you’ve been searching for.  If done consistently, it will be a daily habit that will be a game changer for you.  It’s this simple:
 

Combine MOTION with MUSIC and you will create a state that attracts omens, ideas, and feelings that drive you to take ACTION to become the best version of you!  

  
Studies of bodily movement and health show that exercise is good and that sitting is bad.  Research also shows that the brain can take cues from body movements to understand and solve complex problems.  There is a magical SYNERGY that is created when you align your mind, body, and spirit.  In my opinion, the best way to blend all three is when you are moving to music alone away from the clutter and noise from the outside world.  This approach will awaken a homing beacon for ideas, peace, and a clarity inside of you like nothing else!  I’ll explain why the two are uniquely important and how each are needed for maximum effect.

MOTION
If you want to change your emotion, you need MOTION.  You need to MOVE!  If you want satisfaction, you need to take ACTION.  You can’t spell improvement without MOVEMENT!  Think about times in your life where you took massive action…this focus and drive was generated by being in a specific state or mindset.  Some external force whether it was failure, embarrassment, fear, a personal challenge, or maybe encouragement from a parent or coach caused you to go to that place.  You can use this knowledge to get yourself into this state or in the “zone” simply by getting physical with your body…go on a walk, run, lift weights, do push-ups, sit-ups, stretch, do yoga…just something with movement.

Exercise has both a physiological and developmental impact on the brain. Studies show that movement and exercise supports concentration, memory, and a positive outlook.  From an article in Psychology Today, psychology professor from the University of Illinois Alejandro Lleras says, “The way you think is affected by your body and, in fact, we can use our bodies to help us think.”

Moving your body also alters your breathing.  Focusing on your breathing can have significant impact on your well-being and stress levels, and even physiological changes like lowering your blood pressure.  According to an article in Forbes, by David DiSalvo, he says that “Controlled breathing sparks brain growth in areas associated with attention and processing of sensory input.”  Let’s remember this before you need to make a big decision, need fresh ideas for your presentation, or are trying to solve a complex problem with a loved one…movement and altering your breathing will hep get you there!

Shameless gym selfie…btw, don’t forget to lift legs!!!

MUSIC
Music is one of the top drivers linked with emotion and feeling.  Think about commercials and movies…every key scene or part is matched with a type of music to evoke drama, excitement, or action.  Music is also linked to memory.  Certain songs or music trigger thoughts, experiences, and people associated with pain or pleasure you felt during the general time period of that song.

Music has been found to be a natural antidepressant that can give a euphoric high similar to some medications.  Music is also a great mood shifter, as well as helps improve judgment by affecting the prefrontal cortex, which manages emotions and impulses.

Music can make you happy (try Pharrell William’s “Happy”), pump you up (Journey’s “Eye of the Tiger,” from the Rocky films), or relax you (check out my Smooth Jams mix on Spotify).  There is just something about playing your jam that just sets the stage to feel gratitude, joy, energy, and optimism.

I  LOVE LeBron AND my Beats wireless head phones – they’ve transformed my workout experience.

MOVE. BREATH. THINK. DOMINATE. REPEAT.
Preferably to kick ass music.

The inspiration for most of my ideas that I write about and speak to audiences come from my time alone exercising to music.  I live near a big hill that is 2 miles round trip…I love to get up early or later at night when the kids are in bed and go on a walk/run with my head phones.  I relish this alone time to pray, give thanks to God, and be open to receive infinite wisdom, peace, and clarity.  I use this time to reflect on my goals, and visualize that I already have them.  This activity creates momentum that is hard to explain unless you do it for yourself!    

Here are my 4 key steps to help you change your EMOTION through MOTION and MUSIC:

1. Pick a time in the day to make MOVEMENT a consistent priority – preferably in the morning.  It could be as little as 15 minutes.  Just do something!
2. Movement doesn’t have to be complex – find a strategy that works for you and that you enjoy (dancing, pilates, hot yoga, etc.).  I used to belong to a gym just 9 minutes away…I switched a year ago to Tahoma Fitness, which is across the street from my house, which has made all the difference.  If it’s not convenient you won’t do it.  If you don’t belong to a gym, you can always go on a walk or run outside.
3. Pick music that creates feeling and emotion for you – whether you use Pandora, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Music, or iTunes, create a playlist or pick an artist that you LOVE and that gets you going!  Be intentional and strategic with what you listen to…the goal is to inspire, motivate, and move you! 
4. Take time to reflect and visualize – this is where the magic happens.  Step 1: Give thanks.  Step 2: Visualize your goals as if you already have them.  Step 3: Feel the power, confidence, and clarity this act creates.  Just this morning by moving and listening to powerful music (today was Coldplay), I was stirred by gratitude and excitement for what’s to come, which lead me to laughter and tears of joy.

Former N.C. State Head Basketball Coach and ESPN analyst Jimmy Valvano once said, “If you can laugh, think, and cry in a day…that’s a heck of a day!”  Nothing will help you do this more than combing the powerful combination of movement and music.

Motion with Music will help you get to Jimmy V’s big 3: laugh, think, and cry

There is a reason why church’s all around the world utilize music and worship at the beginning of each service.  The act of getting out of your seat, lifting your hands, and singing God’s praises primes you to receive the message and get’s you in the correct state…full of feeling and emotion.  Why not try that technique in your life as well to help tackle problems, seek answers, and get your mind right to handle the challenges of life?  

Enjoy this song from Coldplay that got me GOING this morning!  Thank you for reading…now go attack the day and feel ALIVE through motion and music!

STORIES

“Be careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life.” – Proverbs 4:23

Story telling is one of the strongest forms of communication to evoke feeling, emotion, and memories. The best story tellers are usually the best salespeople, tell the funniest jokes, and are able to lead and influence others with the most effectiveness. Did you know that we are telling ourselves a story and narrative about our own self all the time? We have 35,000 automatic thoughts per day. This internal dialogue can be used to conquer any obstacle or make us slaves to self degrading and limiting beliefs.

Let me share a personal example of how your internal story could hurt or help you. For several years, Kendra and I would serve at our church’s young adult ministry called UGYP. The lead pastors were our dear friends Chad and Julia Veach. Chad is one of the best communicators and speakers I have ever seen. He now speaks all around the world, has a top selling book called Unreasonable Hope, and he and Julia have a flourishing church in Los Angeles called Zoe LA.

During that time I had a deep fear of public speaking. I’d sit there every Thursday night and tell myself, “I could never do that…I”m not that funny…what would they think of me?..I just don’t have that kind of talent.” One week, Chad asked me to give the tithes and offering message, but I turned him down. My fear of failure and self identity as being a horrible public speaker kept me from serving and growing in my faith and helping others (I was telling myself the story that I couldn’t do it). This is just no way to live.

The man, the myth, the legend, Chad Veach.

A few months had passed and I finally said, “ENOUGH!” I changed my internal narrative and challenged myself to get up on stage and speak. I asked Chad for another opportunity and I got the chance to present in front of the young adult audience. I practiced a 3-4 minute message for maybe 3-4 hours. I did awesome, and that was one of the steps that has lead me to this place…it all starts in the mind!!! I felt more emotion and joy after slaying that dragon, then hitting the game winning hit in the 9th inning at Texas A&M!  If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!

“The word became flesh and made his home among us.” – John 1:14

This verse speaks to me. I’d like to focus on the first four words: THE WORD BECAME FLESH. This is how I interpret that statement…I break it down in two ways. The first is this: God is the word and the word walked the earth and died for our sins in the form of a man, God’s son, Jesus Christ. Here’s my other interpretation: In the 39 books found in the Old Testament, the word “savior” or “messiah” is mentioned over 100 times. Basically, the prophets, and God’s chosen people were forecasting that the savior was coming. They were expectant and by faith believed that the messiah was returning to reign on earth.  Guess what happened, that narrative came true. These believers had certainty and a story that was told and told again…thus they believed and expected it to come true…and it did.  The “word” (our internal dialogue) “becomes flesh” (these words become our reality). 

Is your internal dialogue like Eeyore’s or Tigger’s

Sometimes, life is all about asking the right questions. Here is my question to you: What story or narrative have you been telling yourself? As I mentioned earlier, Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Be careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life.” If you are not where you want to be in life, or if you’re in “no man’s land” – not happy or sad, just simply living with a pulse, but without passion – it’s time to create a new narrative. If you are not reaching your God given potential or are playing reruns of past failures, holding onto guilt, or mistakes, it’s time to rewrite your script.

Our world is created by the story we tell ourselves.  

“I’m too old or too young, not talented enough, lack intelligence, don’t belong, it’s too hard, it’s too scary, or they might reject me.” Sound familiar? Language is powerful and the most powerful communication is our own self talk. Your thoughts create and manifest whatever you focuses on. Break your old patterns of putting yourself down or saying you don’t have what it takes. When you do that, you are living in a broken internal word that becomes physical. ENOUGH! Change your story, change your life! Take a moment and say an affirming statement out loud 5 times…for example: “I got this, I got this, I got this, I got this, I GOT THIS!”

Make this a daily habit. Give yourself words of affirmation to set the stage for having a positive attitude to attack the day. You might be surprised how much better, less anxious, and more excited you’ll be to tackle the challenges that life throws at you. This is the first step to write a new story, a new narrative for you. Make this a daily ritual and build off of it. 

Take control of that internal dialogue inside your head. The only thing that can stop you from being fulfilled is you! God is the creator, but you are the author of your life. Start your new story now…one full of abundance, growth, and positive internal dialogue that creates a world filled with significance and fulfillment.

Check out Chad’s book Unreasonable Hope – it might be the catalyst to give you hope and change your story.

ALL IN

Being that it is fall and the days are getting colder and shorter, I sometimes remenisc of our times this summer at our good friend Jeff’s pool.  Well, technically it’s not his pool, its the apartment complex’s pool that he lives in.  Kendra created a backstory if we ever got asked why we frequently drive the ‘ol minivan through the gated community and unload our kids like ants coming out of an ant pile…she planned on saying she was the nanny.  I mean, she looks young enough…3 kids at 26 years old – I’d believe it.  A lot has changed since we met when she was 18 and I was 27.  Marry them young…”you can train ’em,” is what I always say!  Actually she is smarter than me…without question.

Can’t beat pool time – especially when its 90!

There at the pool we saw Baylor and Bellamy really explore their confidence swimming.  Baylor just turning 4, was much quicker to get acclimated in the water then Bellamy, who this summer was 2 and half.  However, after seeing her brother swim by himself with his life jacket, I think the benefit of being the youngest showed itself.  Whatever Baylor does, Bellamy wants to do.  Bellamy quickly was brave enough to swim by herself without having Kendra or me holding her…you go girl!

#squad

The pool is coooold, which created an environment to showcase how their personalities are different. Baylor, being the oldest, is more cautious and analytical.  Bella, being the younger sister, is definitely more of a free spirit and willing to take risks…”Whatever Baba can do, I can do!”  We love that she still calls him that…dear God, please let Bellamy stay a little girl forever.  I don’t own a gun and the thought of her at 16 drives me to explore my 2nd Amendment rights…and to drink…Fireball anyone?!

So here is the contrast: Baylor being more calculating, has to feel his way into the pool by putting his toe or foot in first.  Sometimes the cold psyches him out of wanting to jump in.  Not Miss Bella.  Once I get in she doesn’t have to feel the water first, she just JUMPS IN without a worry or a fear of the cold water.  At the pool, Bellamy is ALL IN and doesn’t let the environment dictate her decision…she just goes for it.  This is a trait that I just love about her and actually is inspiring.  You gotta love it when you can learn from your kids.

Winnie is not quite big enough to swim like her brother and sister…next year.

This pool example leads me to this question…How are you living your life?  Are you able to make decisions and go ALL IN or are you doing things with one foot in and one foot out?  Sometimes we just have to JUMP!  Are you waiting for the perfect timing to make a move like asking that one person you like out on a date?  Going for that job you’ve always dreamt about?  Finally getting the degree you always wanted?  Fixing a broken relationship?  Deciding to go after your passion project?  If you are waiting for your ducks to be in a row, I’m afraid you might be waiting your entire life.

When opportunities arise, we sometimes have self-limiting thoughts that sabotage action…I’m not ready; I’m not good enough, I’ll do it next time; I’m not worthy; it will be too hard.  Or the worst…I’ll just try, and If I don’t like it, I’ll quit.  If this is you, STOP DOING THAT!  Timing in life is NEVER PERFECT.  Things don’t always work out exactly the way you envisioned right out the gate.

We have an unspeakable power each day…the power to chose.  If you rely on feelings and feelings alone, you will be frozen, timid, and most likely avoid action.  Feelings lie.  Feelings don’t tell the whole story.  Ask yourself, what is it that you want and go for it!  Get yourself into the correct state and frame of mind to COMMIT and then ACT.  The key is to commit first, because trust me, you’ll get knocked down and fail, but you got to keep going.  Give it all you got, and trust that it will work out in the end.

It’s been said that if you have a plan B, you are planning to fail.  There is only one way to enter a pool or face a new opportunity – and that is to go ALL IN with full commitment and faith.

If you want to conquer the island, you got to burn the boats!  There’s no going back!

Remember Yoda from Star Wars?  He shared some great wisdom on this topic, “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  Learn from Yoda and my kids at the pool…go ALL IN and you’ll see a shift in your fulfillment and most importantly, your personal growth…growth in your abilities, satisfaction, and living this precious thing called life to the fullest.

ROOTS

I recently read a fantastic book for leaders, coaches, and parents that explores cultivating winning habits, not just outcomes.  It’s called Win in the Locker Room First: The 7 C’s to Build a Winning Team in Business, Sports, and Life, by best selling author Jon Gordon and former Atlanta Falcons Head Coach, Mike Smith.  Gordon penned the best seller Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life (which is next on my list) and Smith, who had the second best record in the NFL his first 5 seasons, behind the Patriots legendary coach Bill Belichick.  However after 2 sub-par seasons, the Falcons decided to let him go.  Upon his release, Mike Smith reached out to Gordon to collaborate on what he learned during this humbling experience.  This combination created a must read.

During his tenure in Atlanta, Smith asked Gordon to help him and his players develop strategies to improve their performance by creating what they called the Process.  A Process is mental and physically disciplines done daily…basically, your habits.  If everyone in the organization buys into their process – starting from the top and executed by everyone in the program, then big things will come.

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS, NOT THE PRESSURE OR OUTCOMES.

There were a TON of pearls I gathered from this book, but the one that jumped off the page and stuck to me was this phrase: FOCUS ON THE ROOT, NOT THE FRUIT.

Coach Smith, left. Jon Gordon, right.

Let me give this statement some context.  As I mentioned earlier, Coach Smith had tremendous success during his first 5 seasons at the helm of the Atlanta Falcons, including division championships, playoff wins, and consistency never seen before in Atlanta.  This success reached its peak in the NFC Championship Game in 2012, where they were one play away from going to the Super Bowl.  The loss hurt, it hurt bad.

After coming up just short of going to their second Super Bowl in franchise history, the entire organization, players and coaches felt like the next season would be a failure if they didn’t reach the Super Bowl.  But Smith explains, that was where the problems started.  The next season fostered only 7 wins, then 4 wins the following season, which ultimately lead to his firing.  Smith said, we got away from what made us great – focusing on our process and doing the little things every day.  We only focused on one outcome – the Super Bowl – anything less felt like a failure.  This shift of obsessing on being perfect and not focusing on our winning habits, was and is a recipe for disaster.

I believe sports are a microcosm of life – leadership, teamwork, competition, communication, culture, and adversity.  All of these examples have similarities and can crossover to families, businesses, teams, and organizations.  In life and in athletics, many people get seduced by the fruit – the outcomes or results.  This blurred vision is what got Adam and Eve in trouble in the Garden of Eden.

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.”  -Genesis 3:6

Where the term “baby mamma drama” was created

We know what happened next…heaven on earth was no more.  Instead of focusing on what God had commanded them to do, Adam and Eve chose to eat from the forbidden fruit and the outcome was catastrophic.

————————–

As a sales trainer, I have the pleasure to train and work with new hires and also follow up with them after they have spent time managing their own territories.  The last two reps I visited had concerns that their results where not matching their effort.  Thus, I flew in and worked with them in their geographies for two days.  Though both situations had their differences, both representatives I felt, where focusing too much on the fruit: daily, weekly, and monthly sales numbers.  Instead of the root: winning habits, actions, fundamentals, and sales strategies executed daily.

What are you focusing on?

Before I left, we spent time discussing the power of creating your “Process,” executing your process, and most importantly…trusting your process.  I emphasized to stop evaluating yourself only on results (daily statistics)…you’ll drive yourself crazy!  I stressed to judge yourself on two things: your growth and effort.  We cannot control events; we cannot control outcomes; we CAN control how we prepare, react, and our effort (mental and physical).

We created a “play sheet” on what actions they would take in specific type of accounts, as well as a list of daily actions (several different techniques specific to our products and marketplace) they would execute each day.  In the end, if they focused on the root – those daily disciplines, and not just numbers – I stressed, the results will come.

I was so excited when one of these reps called me two weeks later at 7:00 o’clock at night to report that he just closed a HUGE account.  He said that he simply applied his process, focused on the strategies we discussed, and didn’t worry about the outcome or the pressure.  He said he was in the ZONE, because he had practiced those habits for two weeks, leading up to that call.  I was more proud of that result, then anything I could have accomplished in my territory.

Training Deanna, awesome new hire from New Orleans  

How can you apply this approach in your life?..To focus on the root, not the fruit.  What mindset do you currently have? If you want to lose weight, stop weighing yourself everyday!  Instead, create your process and habits you will do daily to achieve your goal.  You want to improve your marriage?…what daily actions must you do to make this relationship rewarding and fulfilling for the both of you?  You want to improve your performance at work?  Have a mentor or manager help you create your PROCESS – daily mental and physical disciplines.  Do these actions each day, trust them, and have the PATIENCE to see them through.  Do this and watch your satisfaction and results TAKE OFF!

You can do it!  Just a minor shift in your mindset is all it takes.  Commit to it and go for it!  The grass and the root is greener and healthier where you water it…not on the other side…looking at outcomes alone!  Nurture, protect, and feed your roots – daily actions and habits.  If you do that, I see a bountiful future on your horizon.

FEELINGS NOT FACTS

I’ve made an observation recently.  I’ve come to the realization that what motivates people to ACT, BUY, and DO is not logic; its not numbers; its not even money.  It actually comes down to one simple thing – our feelings.  Emotion and Imagination beat Logic every day of the week.  You’ve probably heard the saying that people don’t remember what you said, but how you made them feel…I’m going to explore this topic a little bit.

Let’s face it, we all in one way or another are in a sales role.  Selling our kids to clean up or finish their food.  Convincing your significant other to go with your color choice when painting the kitchen, not theirs.  Pulling a Jedi Mind Trick on your best friend to meet at your favorite spot versus theirs.  Teachers, lawyers, parents, leaders, coaches, businesses, siblings, friends are all selling something: an idea, service, preference, product, or dream.

The art of the COMPLEX Sell: selling an idea to your kids

Studies show that people rely on emotions, rather than information, to make decisions.  Douglas Van Praet, author of Unconscious Branding: How Neuroscience Can Empower (and inspire) Marketing offers his opinion, “The most startling truth is we don’t even think our way to logical solutions.  We feel our way to reason.  Emotions don’t hinder decisions.  They constitute the foundation on which they’re made!”

I was first exposed to this feeling trumps facts theory while listening to a Tony Robbins (life and business strategist) video on YouTube several months ago.  Tony was telling a story about a conversation he had with Steve Wynn, business man, art collector, and well known luxury casino and hotel owner.  Steve, the creator of the Wynn hotel in Vegas, told the story on how he built the most expensive hotels in the world, and kept his prices high, because he wanted to make people feel SIGNIFICANT…even during the Recession in 2008 and 2009 when his competitors were shrinking, he went bigger, grander, and added more value.  All to enhance feelings and significance.  He even built a new hotel at the peak of the economic downturn and his goal was simple, it was to add more value…he even raised his prices!  He created the most beautiful, unique, and awesome experience, so people would feel special, important, and like royalty.  This strategy paid off – in a big way.  So remember this:

People don’t purchase products, they purchase feelings.

People don’t acquire things, they acquire states.

People don’t buy stuff, they buy identities.

Have you ever been in a relationship and either you or the person you were dating wanted to break up?  Whether your romance was relatively new or you had been together for a long time, someone had to try to explain why they didn’t want to continue the relationship.  This was always my biggest fear and least favorite thing in the world…breaking up with someone.  I absolutely HATED IT, more than anything.  Well, on a few occasions, I’d hear the girl on the other end, try to explain in great detail, all the rational reasons and facts why we should be together: we have a lot in common, we share the same interests, we like the same activities, our values are aligned.  Yes, all those things are true, but I JUST DON’T FEEL IT!  I probably cried more then they did when I left, but I knew it had to get done. I would then, ponder the points interjected, which all rationally made sense, but:

WHEN IS LOVE RATIONALE? 

My biggest fear during my single days: having “the talk”

The fact is, love, feelings, and emotions are not rationale…sometimes they don’t even make sense!  But emotion and feelings are what drive action.

So here is the money question, how do we tap into these so called feelings that are so important?  Here is my 3 phase approach to evoke feelings and not simply rely on facts to get what you want:

PHASE I – 1st Impression

• Confidence: Confidence and self-believe are very attractive qualities that lead people to follow.
• Humility: Confidence mixed with being humble is a strong combination.  Humility draws people in and allows others to put their guard down.
• Sincerity: Being sincere creates trust.  Trust creates dialogue.  Dialogue creates relationships.  Solid relationships are the foundation of what selling an idea is all about.

PHASE II – Tell a Story

• Make the status quo unsafe: How can you prove that what they are currently doing or want to do is not the best way?  This is where you generate an unmet need or a pain point.
• Make them smarter: Knowledge is power.  Teaching somebody something they do not know that can help them creates a feeling and emotion – whether it’s information on the marketplace, their own environment, competition, or how other’s are succeeding or failing – intellegient information is always a premium. 
• Offer a different solution: Provide a solution to make their next move a productive one that is different than what they are currently doing (or have been offered by someone else).

PHASE III – Motives Matter

• It’s all about YOU not me: Make the other person the center of the story, not you.
• Bring the VALUE you promised: In the end, its all about value.  Whoever brings the most value wins.  You need to deliver on what you said you were going to do.
• Prove you CARE, then CLOSE: Make caring a competitive advantage.  Care through Internal Investment then show it through External Execution.  When you have done this, you’ve earned the right to ask for what you want…when these steps have taken place, closing is easy.

In summary, life is all about FEELINGS!  The rational argument doesn’t always win.  Emotion, imagination, and feeling trump all.  Your first impression is what draws people in, but your content keeps them engaged.  Remember to carry yourself with confidence, humility, and sincerity…those are all quality traits that establish credibility and trust.  

Tell a story, don’t rattle off stats and facts.  Jesus spoke in parables for a reason.  People connect with a story, not just info.  Stories stick.  Make sure your story has danger or a threat, educational information that makes the other person smarter, and a unique solution that solves the problem.  

Lastly, make the customer or person you are talking to be the focal point and main character of your story (HINT: the protagonist should not be you, but the other person!).  Always bring value in what you are offering and be different by sincerely caring for all parties involved.  If money is your only motive, if YOU are your only motive…your results will be short lived.  When your motives align with service, value, and fulfilling the other person’s needs first, you will win in the long term.

Give this approach a try!  If you do, your outcomes will improve…I CAN FEEL IT!!!

ALIVE

If you read my last post, I mentioned that I hosted a candidate on a “ride along” last Friday.  As these work trips usually go, the potential employee usually asks questions about the role, trying to gain nuggets on the products, insights on customer concerns, and what the day to day looks like.  Often these individuals are jotting down notes into their journals (they better be!), formulating a plan to knock out their final interview, while putting their best foot forward in hopes that I sing their praises to the hiring manager.

On this particular day, at least for most of it, it went as usual…visiting accounts, doing my thing, answering questions, explaining the industry, etc. etc.  But this time, the candidate, let’s call her Stacy asked me a great question.  She asked, “If there is one thing I need to know…one piece of advice you can give me to crush this job, what is it?”

I thought about it for a second, while driving past the old battle ships nestled in the waters of Bremerton, Washington.  I pondered the question, thinking of the right response that would genuinely help her.  The standard answer would be to set goals, create a solid plan and execute, work really hard, bring value, and ask for the business.  Deep down I felt that response would be just like those old war vessels…rusty and out dated.

Well for some reason that day was different.  For those of you who have been following my blog have witnessed a dramatic shift in my mindset that I’m trying to share.  This blog has fostered an intellectual journey that has been one of the most transformational forces in my life.  It has taught me a powerful emotion called humility.  The process of sharing my thoughts, research, opinions, and strategies has been truly rewarding.  I have learned that I don’t have to create, just document my journey.  Using concepts from Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: A New Psychology of Success, I’m working on developing a growth mindset – focusing on the process, learning, and growing – not simply on outcomes and the black and whiteness of wins an losses.  For most of my life I was living in a fixed mindset – gaining my self worth and validation on proving that I was good enough – to myself and others.

Trust me, I’m still a work in progress, but this time, when asked for advice on succeeding, I wanted to share something different.  I simply told Stacy:

Just know that you are alive
YOU ARE ALIVE!

To the average innocent bystander, one would think, man this dude is corny and definitely on the cheesy side.  You know what, I really don’t care.  I wanted her to know and you to know that you are ALIVE!  Take advantage of this precious gift of having the freedom of being present, here alive today.  To think.  To act and do whatever it is that you want.   

Most people wake up each day and take for granted all the possibilities being alive has to offer…seriously.  Why do people wait to go through a traumatic event or threat of loss to truly appreciate how insanely lucky we are to experience just a single day and all the possibilities and wonders each day brings…especially in the mundane things that aren’t given a second thought once they’ve passed?  Don’t make a loss make you finally live. 

Kendra and my WORLD.

We take for granted the small things…which really are the BEST THINGS.  Get ready for my random list of examples: 

Hearing a child’s laughter; going on a walk and feeling the wind in your face; a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon (what can I say, I love cheese…and bacon for that matter); going to the movies, reading a good book; smelling a scent that takes you back; experiencing the sunrise on a morning run; waking up on a Saturday morning to College Gameday; picking raspberries with your kids; physical touch from a loved one…the list can go on and on. 

How would you live your life if you knew you only had 6 months to live?  Would that change how you thought, acted, lived and loved?  What would you appreciate more if you just got out of jail after being locked up for 20 years?  I had the opportunity to play softball a few years ago against federal inmates and spoke to one of my former classmates who had 10 more years to serve.  Wow, the freedoms we have if you change your lens are so immense and beautiful, but are we living with that perspective and gratitude?

Living today, right now, I truly feel blessed…blessed and trying to do as much as I can while I’m here.  Sometimes I feel like John Mayer when he sings in his song, “Stop This Train”…so I play the numbers game, to find a way to say my life has just begun. If I do the math, I have about 64% of life left…and that’s if I live to be 100. This is a long winded way of telling the candidate in my car, to you, and to remind myself that if you are reading this:

YOU ARE ALIVE, 
BUT ARE YOU TRULY LIVING?

We only get ONE SHOT at life.  This is me pleading with you (and to myself) to do a few things right now:

• Love more, judge less

• Laugh at yourself, not at others

• Cry tears of joy
• Think daily and independently 

• See beauty in all things

• Find gratitude in even hardships and set backs

• Ask yourself this question at the end of each day, “How many people did I help?”

• Know that you are only limited by your thoughts

• You can do and be anything you want – it all starts and ends in your mind

• Be generous

• Forgiveness transcends
• Know these words and use them often: Please and Thank you

• Fight the battle ahead, not the one behind you

• Plan for the future, but be present today

• Lastly, believe in yourself. You are special. You are a miracle. Since you are a miracle, make and recognize mini miracles daily. 

• Oh, and know that God loves you just the way you are, so just be yourself. 

Live the life you dream about.  Do not wait for an event to cause this.  Make this powerful choice now.

Happiness is not about money, but moments.  Fulfillment isn’t found in status, but service.  Joy is not achieved by acquiring things, but in harnessing the power of thankfulness.  This approach is my best practice. This is my advice. I hope that you and Stacy from my ride along takes it, run with it, and never look back.

THE BIG 6

Last Friday (and an Ice Cube movie) I was working with a candidate that was doing a Ride Along (another Ice Cube movie…Ice Cube is my spirit animal) with me.  This isn’t too uncommon…I am a sales trainer as well as a Territory Manager and often ride with and train new employees.  This particular case was an individual who was doing a “day in the life” of what we do.  This candidate was pretty far into the interview process and this ride along is usually one of the last steps.  These field rides are also an opportunity for me to get a feel if this person is a good fit for our company and has what it takes to succeed in medical sales – specifically in our division.  I am tasked to give my recommendation to the manager and other members of the leadership team.

I envision my ride along’s like this…I’m obviously Ice Cube (one bad mofo)

When I work with candidates I’m looking at specific traits in a short amount of time.  I try to uncover these behaviors and skill sets through questioning and basic interaction throughout the day.  If the candidate can demonstrate these traits, they are in.  If they can’t, they’re out.

Here is what I call my Big 6:

1. WORK ETHIC/DRIVE: Do they have an extremely strong work ethic and drive to be the best?
2. INTELLIGENCE: Are they smart?
3. GRIT: How do they deal with failure…are they resilient?
4. VALUES: Do they operate with sound ethics and good manners?
5. ENTHUSIASM: Are they passionate or passive? 
6. CULTURE: Does their personality fit within our organization?

In baseball, scouts, general managers, and personnel people are looking for what they call a “5 Tool Player.”  These players are very rare and are coveted by organizations.  Basically, having the 5 tools means, you are a complete player…you can do it all: run with speed, excellent defensively, have a strong arm, hit for average, and hit for power.  Scouts must rely on their experience, eye for talent, and often “gut,” on these players who are unproven at the professional level.  They have to project whether or not they have what it takes to make it to the “Show.”  These scouts grade potential draftees on these 5 tools.  They would say for example, “He’s a 4 tool guy…he does everything well, but can’t hit for power (lacking that one tool).”

Mike Trout is as the model of a 5 Tool player – he can do everything on the baseball field very well.

I apply this same approach in projecting what kind of sales professional and person this candidate will be.  I evaluate whether or not they have what it takes to be a key contributor AND be a President’s Club type representative.  That’s always the hope.  I believe that if a candidate has the Big 6, I don’t care what their sales background is, we can teach them how to sell our products and services and they will have success.

If this is you, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

This might be a good time to evaluate your Big 6.  Are you a 3 Tool player or a 6 Tool player?  Is it time to revisit your fundamentals and get back to the basics?  Do you need to remind yourself why you took the job in the first place?  Sometimes we can get comfortable and get into modes where we are on cruise control.  I know you’ve heard of Beast Mode…attacking each day and challenge at work with zest and zeal (like how Marshawn Lynch attacked a defense).  I hope for your sake you are not in Least Mode…getting the least out of your skills, while your employer is getting the least out of your position.  Sometimes in life, we need to ask the right questions.  Here are a few for you to think about:

• How is your work ethic?  Are you still busting your ass, and giving maximum effort every day to be the best you can be?
• What are you doing to improve your skill sets and knowledge within your position?  
• How is your personal development outside your role (maybe for a position you want to ascend to)?  
• How do you deal with change and adversity in the work place…how’s your grit?  
• Are you living by your core values on the job and treating others with respect and generosity?
• Are you living each day with passion and enthusiasm?  
• Do you love what you do?  
• Do you enjoy the people you work with?  
• Do you get satisfaction hanging and being around your coworkers?  
• Does your job give you energy or take it away?

WORK BY THE NUMBERS:
5% – current unemployment rate, thus,
95% of Americans are working
55% of our day (M-F) is spent at work (based on 7.7 hours of sleep)
30% of our life is spent at work
38% of men work over 50 hours per week
15% of women work over 50 hours per week (that number was 5% in 1979)
1800 – hours Americans work per year
$15.7 trillion – American Gross Domestic Product (GDP as of 2012)
$8.3 trillion – China’s GDP in 2012 – our closest competitor

Seriously, take a moment and evaluate yourself, your position, your job, and your company right now.  I’d like to hope that for you, money isn’t the only thing that determines your career and current role.  Life is too short!  Please don’t simply survive Monday through Friday.  

My hope is that you THRIVE in your profession…that you wake up each day feeling blessed and so excited to go to work!  

If you are not 6 for 6 in my BIG 6, how can you improve that?  Remember a few posts ago, I mentioned the power of the Kohler Effect?…how working in groups or with others makes you put forth more effort.  I hope that you love the people you work with.  At my company, the people and the relationships I have with my colleagues is the most enjoyable piece of what I do.  I can honestly say that I LOVE THEM!  Life is all about relationships.  Quality relationships at home and in the workplace are vital for personal fulfillment.  I hope you feel the same.  If not, it might be time to re-evaluate your role.  Most people spend as much time with co-workers as family.  Find a job that fills you up, where you wake up on Monday PUMPED, because you get to go to work.  Find a company culture and a role that PLAYS TO YOUR STRENGTHS!  Do what you are good at and love to do.  Again, life is TOO SHORT to simply tolerate or worse yet, hate your job!!!

Growth and contribution bring ultimate satisfaction.  Finding the right career will do just that.  If you love your job, company, and current role – great.  If not, what can you do about it?  Time is ticking…don’t waste a single day not progressing personally and professionally.  Being the best version of you means you are doing what you love to do and absolutely crushing it.  Let’s GOOOO!  If you are in this place, continue that path.  If you are not, make the changes necessary to be there.  YOU CAN DO IT!!!

CPW

CPW…learn this acronym.  Know it’s ways.  Trust it’s power.  So what is CPW you might ask?  Well, its an approach to fashion that took me into my 30’s to understand, appreciate, and apply.  CPW stands for: Cost Per Wear.

Given $200 and the task to expand my wardrobe, the younger me would either go to Target or Old Navy and buy several lower cost (and lower quality) garments.  I guess I used to walk out of these shopping experiences feeling stoked that I just scored a major wardrobe update.  My mindset at the time was quantity over quality.

Well, now that I am much older and wiser…and who’s kidding, my wife Kendra has rubbed a lot off on me…I see more value in having fewer clothes, but higher quality.  Having a few staples in your closet that might cost more, but last longer and make you feel good is my new approach.  Looks are not everything, but liking how your clothes fit and loving how they look – at least for me – makes all the difference.

LOOK GOOD. FEEL GOOD. PLAY GOOD.

With that said…let me introduce you to a staple of mine that has been a go to for several years.  Fellas, listen.  Ladies, take notes for your man.  Its another acronym…they are called the ABC pant from Lululemon.  ABC stands for Anti Ball Crushing…seriously, that’s what they are called.  Nothing wrong with letting the boys breathe a little.

This dude looks like he’s thinking, “I wear, therefor I am, awesomeness.”

Here’s why I like them:

1. Lulu hems and tailor’s them for free (yes!).  Guys, having your pants bunched up at the bottom is not a good look…maybe back in 1994 when grunge and gangster rap was all the fashion rage.  Take your pant game to the next level and have them tailored.
2. They don’t wrinkle!  Awesome when I have to travel…just throw them in my bag and I’m good to go…no ironing necessary!
3. You can wash and dry them!  No dry cleaning bill.  This is so convenient and actually saves you money in the long run.
4. They are versatile!  Dress them up or dress them down.  Wear them with Vans or Chucks…or throw on a sport jacket with a pair of Cole Haan’s and you are ready to close the deal in your afternoon meeting!
5. Last but definitely most important…they have 4-way stretch material!  Being in outside sales and getting in and out of my car frequently, driving, and flying…comfort and durability is HUGE…these babies are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn.  I can do squats in these pants no prob!  

The price is $128 and worth every penny.  I am not lying…I’ve converted about half of the guys in my division at my company to the ABC’s…once you try them on, there’s no going back!  Invest in your look…feel good…get value out of your purchase…buy clothes that last and look great…you deserve it!

Please, don’t be that guy.

My other favorite pants are Zanerobe.  They also have 4-way stretch, they are a little more on the skinnier side (if you are looking for more of a trendy look), you can wash and dry them, they have plenty of room in the crotch (hee hee…ode to MJ) and my favorite part…they have a draw string!…no belt needed.  Love these when I’m going through security at the airport.  Zanerobe’s are great to wear with an untucked shirt…dress them up or dress them down just like the ABC pant.  They come in a few different styles and retail for about $119 or less.

Here I’m rocking my black Zanerobe’s…look like pants, feel like sweats.

Ladies, remember when 7 For All Mankind Jeans came out and completely changed the game for you…your comfort, your style, and most importantly, your butt!  After that, normal denim jeans just wouldn’t cut it.  The thought!…jeans that cost over $100?…now it seems, they must cost over $200 to even be in the game.  Well, these ABC and Zanerobe pants are that kind of a game changer for guys.  You justified to yourself to spend that kind of money on jeans, but you felt GREAT!

Fellas, trust me, once you buy a pair and wear them, its like when Neo from the Matrix swallowed that pill…EVERYTHING CHANGED.  I actually wear less and less jeans now because of these pants.

Dudes before and after the ABC and Zanerobe pant.

Now when our money is spent at Target…its because Kendra spends it on a bunch of…aah umm…random SHIT for the house!…do we really need another candle or that apple cider dish soap?!

Part of being the best version of you includes loving how you look.  Find what works for you and rock it!  Remember, just be you…everyone else is taken..but if you’re a guy, the ABC & Zanerobe pants might need to be a new staple.  Finally, understanding what CPW is all about and rethinking how you invest in your closet and YOU…is a step in the right direction!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

These techniques, strategies, and EFFECTS will create an explosion of good in your life.

So I downloaded an audiobook by Martin Meadows called Confidence: How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs and Achieve Your Goals. Martin’s books are short, to the point, and give a fantastic foundational overview of several themes dealing with mastering your mindset.  I pulled three new concepts and theories that I have never heard before and liked:

• Locus of Control
• Kohler Effect
• Galatea Effect & Pygmalion Effect

LOCUS OF CONTROL

Locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control.  This concept was developed by psychologist Julian Rotter in the 1950’s.  I’ll explain the two types:

Internal Locus of Control – these individuals believe through their thoughts and actions, they have the power to control what happens to them in life…good or bad.  Like my boy He-Man used to say, “I have the POWER!”

External Locus of Control – these people believe they cannot control their life, but their outcomes are decided by environmental and external factors, which they cannot influence.  I think of Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore, “I’d look on the bright side if I could find it.”

I love this concept because it encourages people to reflect on how they see the world and what kind of influence they believe they have.  I’m sure you have individuals that you work with or have friends that constantly use words like, “luck,” “it’s not fair,” “it’s not my fault,” or “when am I going to get a break?”  These thoughts definitely fall under and External Locus of Control.  If you are one of these people, it’s time to actively switch your mindset to one that believes through daily choices, discipline, and hard work, you can MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!

Your life will not change for the better until you take ownership of your feelings, successes, and failures.  Are you playing the complain and blame game?  Snap out of it!  Take ownership of your results, be grateful for every opportunity good or bad, and use it as a means to learn and grow.  Try to have more of an Internal Locus of Control.

I really enjoy this quote

KOHLER EFFECT

The Kohler effect is a phenomenon that occurs when a person works harder as a member of a group than when working alone.  This concept was founded by German psychologist Otto Kohler in the 1920’s.  His work was rekindled by another German psychologist Erich Witte in the late 1980’s.  What they found was that in groups, people commonly exert more effort, perform better, and raise their standards when pushed or when they compare themselves to others in a group…hmmm can you say CrossFit?

This is why I love team sports and the fact that the best teams get the most out of each individual’s talent.  The Kohler Effect forces people within a group to evaluate and push their expectations of themselves and go harder in order to not let their teammates down.  

Life is meant to be spent together.  Anytime you are faced with a challenge, new task, or obstacle, remember this and invite a buddy to take along the journey with you (i.e. going to the gym, learning a new skill, personal development, etc.).  This accountability, encouragement, and support might be all the difference to taking your outcomes to the next level.

GALATEA EFFECT & PYGMALION EFFECT

The Galatea Effect and Pygmalion Effect are both self fulfilling prophecies and describe the power of expectations…but from two different sources.  This concept came from Greek mythology, which when I researched it a little more was confusing and weird.  Basically, this dude Pygmalion fell in love with a statue he created named Galatea.  Needless to say, the Galatea effect can be described as one’s own opinion about their ability and self-worth has a direct influence on their performance.  This is also called one’s self-efficacy or “one’s belief in their abilities.”  Basically, if you think you can or you can’t, you’re right…but in this case, people who trust their abilities and skill sets, create positive outcomes because of this inner confidence.

High expectations can come from many different sources.  I am really drawn to the Pygmalion effect from a leadership perspective because this is a phenomenon in which the higher the expectation (let’s hope a healthy stretch goal) placed on people – often employees, students, and children – these people perform better.  This approach can be characterized by leaders who encourage, support, and challenge their people to raise their standards. These leaders are able to help their constituents to achieve success at a higher level.  I’m sure you can think of leaders, teachers, managers, or coaches that did this for you.  They made you feel special, talented, and gave you confidence…thus you performed better.  These are my favorite leaders (I love you Coach Mike Price!).

The only time I fumbled a punt, Coach Price hugged me and said, “You’re our guy…don’t worry about it.” Powerful.

So whatever controls or effects you utilize, just remember these 4 things:

1. LOCUS OF CONTROL: You and only you have control over your outcomes.  Take ownership of this, stop blaming outside circumstances, and take life by the horns.  This mindset changes everything.  It’s not up to anybody, but YOU!
2. KOHLER EFFECT: You want to improve your fitness, learn a new skill, or take your life to the next level?…do things with other people.  Get into an accountability group.  Take on new challenges not alone, but with people you love and trust…you’ll bring out the best in each other and the togetherness and teamwork, will help raise your level of output and resilience.
3. GALATEA EFFECT: Your self belief, image, and expectations of yourself are so important.  See yourself as a winner and you will be a winner.  It all starts in the mind.  Believe and expect amazing things for you and they will happen! 
4. PYGMALION EFFECT: The power of encouragement, support, and love are so strong – especially from people in leadership positions.  Use this concept at home with your children, in social settings, and in team environments.  Positive praise and enthusiasm can do wonders.  Use this technique to get more out of others you work with and care about.  Remember the movie the Water Boy…”YOU CAN DO IT!”  Let’s remember to utilize phrases like these…I can speak from personal experience…these uplifting words were more effective then being belittled and put down.

Let’s go…Lights. Camera. Action!  Live a life with these Special Effects, and you will write a script for yourself that only Hollywood could create…and I believe it will be a masterpiece. 

RICH AND FAMOUS

Researchers of a recent study asked Millennials this question:

What do you think will make you “Happy?”

• 80% said to be “rich”

• 50% said to be “famous”

Hmmm, we have some work to do here. It’s a little bit concerning that this is the world we live in. If you are wondering who exactly Millennials are…they are individuals who were born from the early 80’s to the year 2000. I just missed the cut, but fall under the Generation Y category (mid 60’s to early 80’s).

With the advances in technology and access to many mediums that provide instant feedback, our attention spans and patience have significantly shrunk…I mean drastically. Let me list a few things that can be credited for this shrinkage (there’s something about that word I just don’t like):

• cell phones (do people even have home phones anymore?)
• text messaging (do people…especially young people even talk anymore?)
• social media (Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter, Vine, Facebook…do people think quietly to themselves anymore?)

When we have a minute or two of down time, we open the old smart phone and review our “likes” and comments, while comparing ourselves to everyone else’s virtual reality we create for ourselves via filters, lighting, angles, and #tbt’s. The smart phone really has changed everything.  I’ll save my rant about reality TV for another post…but seriously, how many reality TV shows are on now?…they dominate all stations.

Does this scene look familiar? 

The Baby Boomers (born post WWII to mid 60’s) didn’t have the luxury to ask someone out on a date via text…or check their Tinder page. Here’s another question, do people even write letters anymore? The “Best Generation” (born in the 20’s and 30’s) couldn’t fax, email, or send a Snap to their boo or best bud (is the hand written note or thank you card a lost art?)

What I’m trying to say is that the word PATIENCE is almost non-existent. Instant gratification is at an all-time high. From binge watching entire seasons on Netflix to becoming an overnight celebrity on YouTube….the term “hard-work” and “paying your dues” have been lost…not just with Millennials or Generation Y (early 2000’s to present)…this includes grown folk too.

Here’s my point, many people think that being “rich” or success happens overnight…or that being famous is the highway to happiness. I’m here to tell you that couldn’t be further from the truth. Stop waiting for the homerun and start playing “small ball”…do the little things, hustle, bust your butt, break your dreams into smaller goals. Add those little things up over time and you’ll get big things. Being grateful for what you have now will create more opportunities to receive a life of more abundance later. Playing the blame game and being a victim will get you nowhere.

You want to get paid like Bill?  Work as hard as Bill.

Here’s another thing, many people quit the moment there’s a set back, failure, or adversity. This is why there are so few extremely successful people. The system is designed that way. It’s designed to keep those types of people out. Trust me, the people who win the most have failed the most. They simply view failure differently.

The average Joe sees failure as a roadblock, where successful people see failure as a building block. 

Obsessing over only outcomes is a recipe for disaster. Being consumed by what you perceive other people think of you and making that a huge part of how you create your self worth is not the way to live.

The path to success is never a straight line

My life didn’t change until I learned that gratitude is the real currency. Self love, forgiveness, and acceptance is where rest and peace are found. Wealth is in relationships and living in community with others – and contributing to that greater good is where fulfillment lives. Progress and personal development is the ultimate status symbol. Fulfillment is understanding and trusting what God created you to do…and then doing it…not for other’s appraisal but for simply living in your gift. No one’s strength and talent is too small or insignificant. You were made for a reason. You are chosen. You are worthy. You are more than your profile page.

People who do something with the intent to be “rich” or “famous” need to find a new motive. Those two are like sugar and carbs, they taste good, but will burn out fast and are unhealthy if they are the only source that you fill yourself with.

My children’s generation have not been classified with a name yet, but for those of you who have kids like Kendra and I, let’s model a new vision of “what Happy looks like?” My dream is when asked the same question the younger generation (including Baylor, Bellamy, and Winnie) will say:

• Self love and self awareness

• Being generous and contributing to others

Sue me. I’m a dreamer. So here’s my advice: Work hard. Be patient. Put your phone down. Invest in your personal development. Know that you will rise faster by serving others. Love yourself without the “likes.” Oh, and take walks with your family to Starbucks.

That is all. 

UNLEASH THE LION

My little cubs: Baylor, Winnie, and Bellamy

Before I put each of my 3 kids to bed at night I say the same prayer with them:

1. Thank you God for this amazing gift.
2. Please protect them and keep them safe.
3. I pray that they love You and put You first.
4. I pray that they love themselves and are confident in who they are and how they are made unique and special.
5. I pray that they love and serve others.

What is interesting here is that the 4th one is the longest.  This 4th prayer might be the hardest and most complicated.  This 4th request might be the difference in how they process failure, success, and all the challenges life throws at us. 

In essence what I am asking God is that my children have self-confidence.
 

In the end, God has the final say, but I believe that He also gives us free-will…and one of the most powerful forms of free-will we have is our self-image – how we see ourselves.  Your self-image sets the stage for what you expect out of yourself, how you let others treat you, and what you get out of life.

Here’s a story to help me explain: 

One day in the jungle, a Lion, his Lioness, and their cub Ayo where out on a morning walk together.  Unfortunately, a gang of hunters spotted them and went in for the kill.  Seeing this the Lion picked up and threw Ayo into the bushes and he and his bride sacrificed themselves to save their boy.  The cub was safe, but abandoned…Ayo cried and cried because he was scared and ached for his parents. 

Luckily though, not much time had passed and a herd of sheep came by and adopted the lion cub.  Ayo grew up with this herd of sheep and even came to believe that he was a sheep.  Ayo ate like a sheep, baaa’d like a sheep, followed others like a sheep, and was timid like a sheep.  One day several years later, the new Alpha Lion and King of the Jungle, Desta, was on the outer rim of the jungle and spotted the sheep.  He ran after them, but stopped in shock when he saw another lion.  All the sheep scattered and fled, including Ayo.  Desta cornered Ayo and said, “What’s wrong with you?!” What are you doing with these sheep?”  Ayo replied, “Please have mercy on me, please don’t kill me.”

Desta couldn’t believe what he was seeing.  He even asked Ayo to roar, but all Ayo did was baaaa like a sheep.  Disgusted, Desta grabbed Ayo and took him to the nearby river.  He told him to look at his reflection in the water.  Ayo looked down and saw a beautiful and powerful mane.  He looked back at Desta, then back at the reflection, and back again several times.  Desta said, “You are a Lion!  Now roar like one!”  Ayo puffed out his chest and tried, but all that came out was a weak growl.  Desta swiftly slapped Ayo accross the face with his powerful paw and said again, “You are a Lion!  The King of the Jungle!…now roar like one!”  Ayo looked at his paws, saw his sharp claws; he opened his mouth and saw his enormous teeth; he looked again into the river and a flash back of his brave father came to him.  Just like that, his self image change.  Ayo then stood up and roared the loudest roar the jungle had ever heard.  All corners of the jungle could hear this thunderous and powerful sound.  Ayo’s days as a sheep were over.

HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF: AS A LION OR A SHEEP?

You and only you have the power to make that choice.  Do you see yourself living a life in abundance or scarcity?  Achieving your dreams and being the best version of you starts in the mind.  Take a moment to think about all the negative thoughts you have been telling yourself; stop thinking about what the doubters or haters have said about you; flush away your past failures; dismiss thinking of a future where you are not just absolutely crushing it.

Lets take a lesson from The King himself, LeBron James and do “The Silencer.” LeBron has consistently quieted the doubters (3 rings, brought a championship to Cleveland, coming back being down 3 games to 1 vs. Golden State).  Usain Bolt paid homage to the King, by winning his 3rd 100 meter and 200 meter Golds at the Rio Olympics – many didn’t believed he could do it AGAIN…then he hit ’em with The Silencer.  Here are the steps (I saw this on ESPN’s Instagram last week):

I love the caption…And then he hit ’em with The Silencer

1. Push your hands down, while you lift your knees up (do this twice) – this represents pushing down your suppressive thoughts.
2. Make a fist and pound your chest 2 times – this represents, you ringing the bell for a new era, a new you…you are pumping up your Lion Heart.
3. Now, let out a roar so loud that everyone on the block can hear – Unleash the Lion Within!

Silence YOUR self doubt and often false perception of what you might think OTHERS think of you.  This exercise is the first step to changing your self image.  Believe that you are chosen.  Know that you are loved.  Trust that you are created to do something so amazing that only God could have planned it.  Start raising your expectations of yourself and find someone like Desta to knock some sense into you, inspire you, and reinforce that you HAVE THE POWER!!!…my 6th prayer is that you love yourself and UNLEASH the LION inside of you.  Start being the best version of you TODAY! 

WHAT IS YOUR WHY?

When your WHY is big enough, you will find your HOW.

Why do you do what you do?  What motivates you?  Have you ever spent time to think about it?  If you have, good for you.  If you haven’t, it’s time you started.  This is my last post to finish my series of solidifying what your personal brand is all about…and I think it very well could be the most important.

The first step at figuring out what drives your behavior is discovering the real reason why you get out of bed each day.  It could be money, recognition, providing for your family, proving somebody wrong, desire to be the best…this list could be endless.  If your “Why”is not well actualized, it is very difficult to achieve the results you desire…in this case, you “PRESS:”

• Pressure…it’s hard to have lasting success when you are contanstantly in a state of pressure
• Retaliation/Revenge…motives of getting even and revenge are unhealthy and short lived
• Expectations of others…you have to want it and believe it
• Someone else’s goal…if your motive and goal isn’t yours, how can you truly commit? 
• Stuck…when you feel you have no way out or are stuck, panic and stress take over

When your motives are in the wrong place, you will PRESS.

When you PRESS, you will not sustain success.

Simon Sinek, author of the book Start With Why explains it very well. Organizations (or people for that matter) that do not thrive or even reach their full potential, is because they are starting at the wrong place. He calls it, “The Golden Circle.” Most companies or people when looking at accomplishing their goals start in this order: 1) What is it that we/I do, 2) How do we/I do it, and 3) Why do we/I do it?

That’s the wrong way. Here’s the right way…I just saw that Apple has over 1 billion devices being used in the world today. Why has Apple been so massively successful? Notice earlier I said “devices” not computers. Apple did start out has a computer company, but because of Steve Jobs’ vision and creating a clear “Why”: to creat innovative, quality technologies that are user friendly. Their Why was never we are a “computer company”….no sir, that could be their “What.” Their Why is to be an “innovator”….iPods, iPhones, iPads, MacBooks don’t look or perform like desk top computers. This is an example of the importance of starting with Why.

Consumers love innovative, products that make life easier and more enjoyable.  In this case, they connect with the Why…that is why they buy Apple. Start with WHY, and the rest will fall into to place. Another example is the creator of Tom’s shoes. Their motto is “One for One.” For each shoe they sell, they will donate a pair of shoes to someone in need. Now that is a Why I can get behind!

Ok, you might be thinking enough with the business examples, what about ME?!…here goes. Think about a time in your life when you were so committed, so driven, and so focused on accomplishing something, you couldn’t be stopped. Maybe it was finally dating your love interest, landing that job, losing weight, quitting a bad habit, or supporting a child or loved one. You probably said to yourself, there is no going back, this is my purpose, this is my vision, there was no backup plan…you were all in!

If you can combine that drive and hunger with doing something you love…that is an amazing combination! What are you passionate about? What are you really good at? Leverage those to help create your Why.

What is it that you want? The Bible says, “Ask and you shall receive.” Having a clear Why will take you there. We need to get our mind, body, and soul into that “state,” that frame of mind, in “the zone.”

A few of you might cringe when you are asked, “What is your passion?” For a lot of young people and even adults, that is a tough one. While on a plane a few weeks ago, I listened to a TED Talk on the topic of creativity. One of the presenters was the author Elizabeth Gilbert, from the book Eat, Pray, Love(over 10 million sold and was made into a movie staring Julia Roberts). I learned 2 things from her that might help with establishing your Why:

1) If you don’t have a crystal clear PASSION, then ask yourself this question, “What am I CURIOUS about?” Your curiosity in a subject, service, thing, or type of people, will help lead you to your Why.

2) During the creative process, you cannot be afraid to fail. Fear of failure is the #1 killer of creativity. This mindset, retools how to look at failure and outcomes…there is no finish line, just growth and creation. We need to buy our own Why!

Author of the book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

Now onto Step 3), which could be most important: what drives you besides money? Money and status come and go. When your Why goes deeper, trust me, the money will come. Remember, the PROCESS is more important than the OUTCOME. The journey is tough. There will be set backs. Your Why gets you out of bed; your Why helps you overcome hardships; you’re Why helps you get back up when you are knocked down. If your Why doesn’t do this, it’s time for a new one. Without a strong and clear Why, you will be lost. 

Here is my Why: I used to live a life full of insecurities. I was constantly judging myself, and being my worst critic.  I set unreal expectations for myself. I didn’t celebrate wins because they were expected…but I would consistently beat myself up if I failed. I’ve learned that there is hope. Contribution and growth are premiums, failures and obstacles are blessings and opportunities. Wealth isn’t in money or accolades, it’s in relationships and helping people…I’ve come out the other end of the tunnel. I want to share the light and peace that gratitude and service provide…how faith never fails. Why am I doing this blog, it’s simple: to give people the tools to become they BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES.

It’s time to come up with your Why. Think about it, write it down, tell someone, and start living it!!!

STRENGTHS – PART II

Strengths Part II – Do What You Where MADE TO DO

Think about a moment in your life when you were in the “zone.”  When you were filled with energy; when the right decisions came easy…when you were truly PRESENT in the moment. During this time you were creative without trying, you felt completely fulfilled.  These moments, unfortunately don’t come as often as we’d like.  What if your job or role was doing that activity all the time?  This is called playing to your strengths.

Many people fail because they LACK SELF-AWARENESS – they are focusing on the wrong things and not going ALL IN on what they are good at and deeply enjoy.

Even this image has a strength and a weakness…is that a bowling ball?

Playing to your strengths sounds simple, but most people do not live in this state.  Gallup Press, who is a leader in strength development, found that less than 20% of people play to their strengths.  Why is this?  Well, life happens.  We go to school and most of the time our parents and teachers spend a majority of the time focusing on where we are weak.  A group of parents were asked this question: Your child comes home with a report card, which shows several subjects where they earned high grades and one subject where they receive a low grade – how would you handle it?  77% of the parents said they would spend all of their time and energy in the subject where their child is not strong in.

Now I’m not saying that settling for bad grades is ok…definitely not.  But in life, investing time, money, and energy in something you are not good at or enjoy might not be the best use of your valuable resources.  Many believe that they can gain the most growth in their areas of weakness.  Well, that is not totally true.  Actually, it has been studied that people develop the most in their areas of strength (Gallup).  Spending all your time trying to develop where you are most weak might not give you the most bang for your buck.

“I suck at 99 percent of stuff, but I go all out on that 1 percent I’m good at.”

-Entrepreneur Extraordinaire, Gary Vaynerchuk. 

The more I study game-changing people, the more and more I’m lead to this simple mindset and strategy: Play to your strength and don’t get over-consumed by your weaknesses.  The most successful leaders, teachers, coaches and managers understand this principle.  They are able to get the most out of their constituents because they look for the strengths in their people and play to them.  This approach helps people feel inspired, engaged, and more valuable…thus increases success.

Think about what you are really good at and love doing within your job.  We all have things we don’t enjoy and activities that really fill us up.  What if you get so good at the parts you enjoy that you create leverage for yourself?  You become such an expert and an asset in your strength that your company, team, or organization (or maybe a different company) asks you to do more of it…maybe even make that one thing (what you love to do) something you do all day everyday?  

THERE ARE 2 MYTHS ABOUT YOURSELF, according to Marcus Buckingham, who is an author, speaker, and expert in the field of developing one’s strength:

1. As you grow older, you change.  

2. You grow the most in the areas you are the weakest.

We definitely improve and evolve, but at the core of who we are – what we enjoy, our disposition, what we gravitate to, what stimulates, gives us energy and satisfaction, and taps into our imagination doesn’t change a great deal from when we were children.  What I’m trying to figure out is why the vast MINORITY of people spend more time enhancing their strengths vs. were they are weak.  For many, their survival instinct is stronger than their success instinct. Many of us fall into the survival trap of life for several reasons – we graduate and have to get a job; we have bills to pay; maybe you were/are pressured to live a certain lifestyle by your family, close friends, significant other/spouse; and then the cycle continues.  Its time to stop that cycle now.

DON’T SEEK TO SIMPLY SURVIVE.  SEEK TO SUCCEED!

So how can you be lastingly successful?  Build on your strengths!  Leverage your strengths! Commit to your strengths!  Life is hard and they call it work for a reason…often times its not fun. You might be thinking, “OK, OK, Collin I hear you, focus on my strengths…I get it…but I’m not totally clear on what my strengths are.”  Think of strengths as not only what you are good at, but also:

• What you deeply enjoy doing
• Comes easy to you
• Makes you feel fulfilled
• Never get tired of
• Wish your whole job was that activity  

Steve Jobs noted once when speaking to a large audience that you must be passionate about what you are doing if you want to have success.  If you are not, you will fail because the grind is real; there are set-backs, challenges, and adversities.  Doing what we love, believe in, and are passionate about will help us stay on that straight path of growth, fulfillment, and achievement. Whether its music, investing, make-up, hair, sales, cutting grass, problem solving, fixing, teaching, building, connecting people, serving others…..YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING AND A LIFE DOING WHAT YOU LOVE! 

Here are a few strategies to better pinpoint your strengths and improve your self awareness:

1. For 1-2 weeks make a list…draw a line down the middle.  On the left side, write down all the things that you enjoyed doing; what you loved; activities that made you the most happy; things you truly excelled in.  On the other side, write down another list of things you avoided, procrastinated, and hated doing.  This activity should help you narrow your search.
2. Make another list…if money was no object and you were set for life, 
   • What would you do with your time?  
   • Who would you spend your time with?  
   • Who would you serve and help?
3.  Ask 5 people closest to you to tell you the truth about yourself – what do they see as your strengths…what do they think you do well? 
4. Check out StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath to help you discover your top 5 strengths here.

Utilize one of if not all of these tools to do more of what you love at work, or start a new path of fulfillment by focusing on your strengths.

Here’s some motivation for you – you only have one life to live.  How are you going to spend your one shot at this game of life…surviving or thriving?  Its time to thrive.  Its time to spend more time developing, enhancing, and focusing on your strengths.  Start today!

Watch one of my favorites, Gary V. talk about playing to your strengths below…disclaimer: Some colorful language is used in this video 🙂  Shout out to Airam Alvarez for sharing Gary V’s YouTube clips to me several months ago…follow her on IG & FB – she posts great stuff!

STRENGTHS – PART I

Part I: You are MADE WELL

So as I’m writing this I am on an airplane flying back to Seattle from a work trip in Montana.  I had the pleasure of spending the evening and morning with my dear friends from college – Matt and Sara Kegel.  They have a cabin on one of the most beautiful picturesque sites in the world, Holter Lake, which is about an hour south of Great Falls.

Nothing like a Montana sunset.

After swimming with the kids and going on an amazing boat ride looking at mountain goats, bald eagles, a mother deer and fawn, rolling hills and mountains so beautiful you’d swear you died and gone to heaven (they say Montana is God’s country)…I found myself falling back into an old habit.  Once we got back inside the cabin, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  For those of you who have followed my blog, might remember that I have mentioned in more than one occasion that I am a bit on the vain side.  My vanity and insecurities popped up again.  I looked in the mirror and thought, “Dang, my hair sure looks on the thin side right now…I wish I had hair like Matt.”  I guess that’s what swimming in the lake and going 45 mph on a boat will do to you (two places you probably wouldn’t find Donald Trump for obvious reasons).

Most people and DEFINITELY most guys are too prideful to discuss or bring up things about themselves that they are not happy with.  We as flawed humans are consumed and often times obsess over our blemishes instead of focusing on and playing up our strengths.  For many years I was one of those people.  I could have dozens of outstanding qualities, but like many people, I’d generate a majority of my self-worth and self-efficacy (or lack thereof) by focusing on what I view or think other people perceive as flaws.  If you can relate to this do a Zoolander Blue Steel look for me… “Hansel so HOT right now”…(I watched Zoolander 2 on the flight to MT and actually really liked it)… “What is that, a Reading Center for ANTS!?”  Ok, enough with the Zoolander quotes.

What do you see – a young or old lady? When you look in the mirror do you focus on your strengths or perceived blemishes?

Many, like I sometime do, fall into the trap of comparing one isolated area that we feel is inferior to somebody else – whether it’s one’s appearance, skill set, trait, or circumstance.  Many take it to a very unhealthy place and base what they see on TV, movies, magazines, and now more than ever – social media as their barometer on how they should look, act, and feel.  

I’m here to encourage you to stop those thoughts.  Instead, focus on your strengths, strong traits and physical features that are unique and special compared to others.  God made you just the way you are supposed to be made.  If you are living your life constantly comparing how you look and your skill sets as inferior…snap out of it!  I don’t care how attractive or how someone looks…even Brad Pitt or Gigi Hadid look in the mirror and don’t like something about themselves.

 True beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Insecurities and self-defeating thoughts will only hold you back from being the best version of you.  Focusing on your flaws is an endless game that you cannot win.  Guess what…we all are flawed.  We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like…no matter who we are.  Here’s the thing, If you fall into this camp and are really unhappy with something about yourself, then  DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT and STOP COMPLAINING and feeling DEFEATED!

Aside from focusing on one’s physical appearance, we need to spend more time focusing on what we are good at – our natural abilities – specialized skills or traits that we possess.   If we continue to compare ourselves to everyone else and think we need to be an expert in everything, that’s another recipe for disaster.  Strengths are the great equalizer.  When you meet someone for the first time, have an important business meeting with a new client, or come across somebody that possess a skill that you don’t…just remember that you have a unique set of skills that they do not…therefor they are no better or worse than you – just different!  This shift of how you perceive yourself and others is LIFE CHANGING!

A Harvard Business Review study revealed breakthrough research on how humans perceive themselves versus others.  They created a study where they introduced people to other people and asked them how they perceived the other person.  Person #1 usually responded by giving feedback like:

• Person #2 seems smarter than me
• They have a better sense of style
• They seem more confident
• They look content and relaxed

An interesting finding was that when they asked person #2 the same question, they gave similar feedback about person #1…they perceived that person as more affluent, put-together, or even “cooler” than them.  Wow, right?  Now I know why girls always say, “She looked at me funny.”  That’s probably because the girl was actually thinking, “Hmm, she is really cute.” 

Start taking control of how you see yourself.  If you fall into the pattern of focusing on your flaws, make today the day, you spend time highlighting your strengths, being grateful how you are unique, and remember:

You can’t change the world if you’re like everybody else!

Part II of STRENGTHS – what you were MADE TO DO, I’ll discuss how you can improve your finances and overall life satisfaction by going all in on your strengths in your career.  Enjoy this AMAZING WEEKEND! 

A 180 DEGREE TURN IS ONLY A MATTER OF 1.5

Ideas are just ideas WITHOUT COMMITMENT

Goals are simply goals WITHOUT ACTION

Dreams are just dreams WITHOUT EXECUTION

I’m down here in Bend, Oregon for a conference at the beautiful Sunriver Resort.  Its 90 degrees + all weekend.  They just got a new pool last year, there’s golf, trails, shops, and cool places to eat…one problem, my family is not with me.  So what do I do when I have free time, alone?…I read about or watch YouTube videos of inspiring people.  The old me, would probably go see a movie, dink around with my phone and all my social media apps, or binge on Netflix (with nobody to chill with…poor me).

For some reason, those things that I just listed do not fill me up like they used to.  Since I started this blog I have been researching almost obsessively what causes success…looking for habits, traits, and philosophies of ordinary people who do extraordinary things.

One common denominator of people who have extreme success is they do more with their time. 

I get it, after a long hard days work, putting out fires, grinding, commuting to and from work, dealing with people, you need time to decompress and disengage for a bit.  TV is a great outlet, spending time with our loved ones in my opinion is the best outlet, and many of us turn to our phones to escape from the rat race of life.  But for too many, this phone epidemic is getting a little out of hand (I haven’t even gotten into video games).  From games, to various apps, to emails and text messages, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.  There is a name for people who have a cell phone addiction…its called “nomophobia.”  People create a neurological addiction, where they cannot be separated from there phones, laptops, iPads, or tablets…similar to craving cigarettes or alcohol.

My challenge to you is to invest in yourself 1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week.  The weekends are all yours.  I promise you, no one ever looks back on their life and says, “I wish I would have played Candy Crush or World of Warcraft more,” or “My life would have been a whole lot better if I spent more time on Instagram.”  No one ever reflects and says, “If only I would have slept more, watched more TV, binged more shows on Netflix, or played more video games.”

Don’t be like this dude..get off the couch!

Here is how you can do a 180 degree turn that will set your goals and dreams in motion…it starts by carving out 1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week, which is 7.5 hours per week, 30 hours per month.  Try this for six months and you’ll have invested 180 hours (hence the 180 degree transformation) into yourself.

1. Look at all your social media apps 3 times per day and that’s it: morning, afternoon, and once at night.  That’s plenty of time to evaluate all your likes and commenting on post that make you smile.
2.  When you come home, engage with your loved ones with no distractions: No TV, put the phones away, and do like they did in the 1950’s, talk and check in with each other.
3. Limit your “shows” to no more than 2: There’s nothing wrong with having a go-to show or two, but 10 is a liiiiitle too much.
4. Focus 1.5 hours of your time doing something productive: After you’ve engaged with your family, ate dinner, put the kids down, checked your phone for a few minutes, invest in your development.
5. The world is your oyster: during this time, read a book, learn a new skill, get inspired, listen to a podcast, practice your craft, write, meditate, exercise, call and talk to a mentor, finally turn your idea into a small business…there are so many possibilities for self improvement!

Feel like you you don’t have enough time to get everything done?  Here’s a novel idea…wake up earlier!  Take care of the most critical things you need to get done first, so you free yourself up to do what you want.  Stop being like every one else who has a million excuses and isn’t happy with where they are in their life.  Take action!

As each day passes, its a lost opportunity to get better. Live with no regrets!

We only have a finite number of days on this earth.  Only God knows that number.  Maximize each day!  You and only you have the power to make daily decisions on how you spend your time…are you going to improve and get better or settle or get worse?

Make the decision today that you’ll wish you made 5, 10, 15 years from now.

So what area do you want to improve?  What new skill do you want to develop?  Turn your passion project into a reality.  Finally create your side project into a legit small business.  For you non entrepreneurs, learn to play the piano or guitar, improve your finances and knowledge in investing, write a book, or improve your fitness.  Like I said, the world is your oyster.  Commit to yourself 1.5 hours per day for 5 days a week for 6 months, and your life will take a 180 degree turn for the better.  Set a goal, create a plan, and get after it!!!  Breaking big things down into little chunks, makes what seems impossible, possible.

So how did I come up with 1.5 hours, 5 days a week for 6 months?  Here’s how: Scientific research shows it takes 66 days to form a habit…so that takes up the first 2 months, just forming a habit of making time to invest in yourself.  From there, you can further specialize or add multiple new skills to your repertoire.  Josh Kaufman, author, blogger, and motivational speaker, says you can actually learn a new skill in 20 hours…not the 10,000 hour rule suggested by best selling author Malcolm Gladwell. 

If you don’t invest in yourself, no one else will.  1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week, will allow you to do just that.  Go for it!  You will thank yourself in the future.

LOVE TO WIN / HATE TO LOSE

Answer this question:

Do you love to win or hate to lose?

During an interview over 2 years ago, I was asked that question.  “Interesting query,” I internalized…(since I use the word query on the reg), while I frantically tried to process this simple yet complex question.  I responded by saying, “Both.  I love to win and I hate to lose.”  The hiring manager challenged my answer and said, “You can’t chose both, you have to pick one.”  “Well, I suppose I hate to lose then if I have to pick,” I replied.

Let me preface that this was one of the worst interviews I’ve ever done.  The hiring manager was one of the biggest jerks I’ve ever come across in an interview setting.  He was hardcore, never smiled, challenged every single response I gave, and I let him rattle me.  He asked me if I was a rule follower…I said yes.  He then asked quickly, “Well do you ever speed?”  I said, “Sometimes I go above the speed limit, I guess.”  He said, “So then you are a liar…you do break the rules.”  Cray cray right?

OK, I digress.  Back to the question of whether you love to win or hate to lose.  The one thing about this horrific interview was it exposed me to a really beautiful question that challenges one’s core values, motivation, and fundamental belief system.  As a sales trainer, I often use this question to explore a new hire’s paradigm and approach to sales.  Most often, these new hires and other people that I ask, say “both.”  A close second is “I hate to lose.”  Hating to lose is the dogma that has been ingrained in most high-achievers, go-getters, type A’s, athletes, and sales people all over the world.  Select sports, advanced placement programs, and special clubs are at an all-time high for children and the ages are getting younger and younger.  For me, playing select sports at a young age, the idea that winning is the only option was implanted in my psyche early on.  Many, like me, received self worth and our identities based on wins and losses.

To error is human, but to forgive is not the policy of this company.   

Three out of my first four years in medical sales, I received a phone call informing me whether I was able to keep my job or not due to down-sizing and layoffs.  Luckily, my sales performance was always good enough to stay employed.  Winning and losing is often times a matter of receiving a paycheck or not…this is true, but as I’ve become older and wiser, I feel like many of us are missing the point.

There is another group of parents and individuals that believe every one deserves a medal, a golden star, and a trophy for simply participating.  “We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings,” they say.  I unequivocally do not fall into that category or agree with this set of beliefs.  I believe this is a huge problem that manifests entitlement, complacency, and narcissism.  In life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.  You get the girl, or you don’t.  You land the job, or they offer it to someone else.  You get accepted into the college of your dreams, or your application is denied.

Greatest rapper of all-time, Y or N?

The point I’m trying to make is that failure is a key component of one’s development.  Two very different individuals, but visionaries in their own unique way – Tupac Shakur and Nelson Mandela – both are quoted in saying, “I never lose.  I either win or I learn.”  So many focus on the outcome instead of the process…their growth.  If we spend more time channeling our energy in our preparation, attitude, focus, and effort, the outcome is irrelevant.  Growth, knowledge, stretching oneself, and improvement should be the emphasis.  If you look at goal attainment this way, trust me, the wins will come.

Seek PROGRESS, not perfection.

When you bust your ass, give it all you got, and leave it all out there, and come up short…there’s nothing wrong with that.  Obsessing over perfection will paralyze you.  This approach, of looking at outcomes from a different perspective, might actually help you win more.  Being clutch is doing what you normally do when it matters most.  Being able to lay your head down at night in peace whether you win OR lose, because you are judging yourself on a different set of criteria vs. the W or L column, is I think the only way to live…and perform at your best.  Judging myself on my preparation, being present in the moment, and leaving no ammo left (meaning I spilled my guts going as hard, as intense as I could…with a purpose, passion, and a plan)…if I lose, I can live with that.  The next step, is to evaluate where I fell short, adjust, improve, and try again.

Wisdom from one of the greatest of all-time: Sweetness

Many of you have viewed losing the same way I did for most of my life…you give it all the power.  This thought process forces people to miss the 5 foot putt, or choke when they have to perform in front of their manager or a really important client.  When the fear of losing is absent, and you shift that energy away from the black and whiteness of a win or a loss and evaluate and reward yourself based on a different set of criteria, you will in turn be more clutch.  Stop giving fear the power!  You are not defined by your failure, but how you react to it (learn, grow, and improve).  Losing the battle is not detrimental if your focus is on winning the war…having a macro perspective vs. micro…the power of perspective changes everything.

Life is short…celebrate the wins, learn from the losses.  Adversity, obstacles, and challenges often times are our greatest gift.  I don’t enjoy losing, I just look at it differently.  My self-efficacy can be found in the E & G column (Effort and Growth)…not by wins and losses.  

So now my answer to the question is:

I LOVE TO WIN! 

CORE VALUES

Your core values are the deeply held beliefs that authentically describe your soul. – John C. Maxwell

During a 2006 vacation to Argentina, entrepreneur Blake Mycoskie met a woman who worked with a volunteer organization that gave shoes to kids in need.  Mycoskie joined in the cause and visited village after village and saw first hand the sores, blisters, and infections not having shoes caused.  He was deeply effected.  He came back to American inspired with a vision.  Shortly thereafter the vision for Toms was created…The One For One business model was the core mission of his shoe company.  For every shoe they sell, Toms will give a shoe to someone in need.  This core value of service has made Mycoskie and Toms very successful and set the path for how he would operate his then small company, which has grown to millions and millions of dollars in sales.

Toms founder Blake Mycoskie

Core values are enduring beliefs or ideals that drive one’s behavior.  It tells us “what is and what is not good” in our actions.  These guiding principles influence how we make our choices, what choices we do make, and often times how we are judged in our actions by these choices.  Like Katy Perry says in the song Roar, “I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything.”  Don’t be that Katy.

What happens when an individual or company does not have sound core values?  Well, ask Lance Armstrong and former members of the leadership team at Enron how that went.  Without core values, clear ideals and guiding principles that aid us in our decision making, we are playing with fire.  Tiger Woods’ domination of the golf world came crashing down when it was reported that he had been living a double life filled with lies, cover-ups, and extra marital affairs.

Core values help us make the tough decisions.  I love the concept that with clear values, decisions are easy.  I wish it was that simple, but if we haven’t examined what we stand for, the type of person we want to be, and what is important to us, sometimes decisions are not easy.  By taking ownership of your values and defining your beliefs – what’s important to you – you are setting up a system that will guide you through the challenges life throws us.  

Think about people that you respect and have learned from…maybe they are your parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, family members, your pastor, or close friends.  What have you learned from them?  How do you want them to see you?  How do you want your children to see you?  Remember, most children do what you do, not what you say.  If you haven’t yet, it’s time to think about your core values and write them down.  Here are two articles to help you drill down your core values:

7 Steps to Discovering Your Core Values

Define Your Personal Core Values in 5 Steps

While speaking to a leadership class at Sumner High School, I shared my core values.  I came up with an acronym: GEARS.  In order to achieve our goals and final destination in this journey of life, its important – just like a car – to have the transmission (your belief system) in the right gear. 

Gratitude: in all things be grateful.

Effort &

Attitude: no matter what is happening around me, I can always control my effort and attitude

Right Thing: “R” stand for “Do the RIGHT thing.”  The definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking.

Service: My goal is to leave a legacy of service…loving and helping others.

Carroll’s book: Win Forever is a must read

Pete Carroll’s first two stints as a head coach in the NFL didn’t go as well as he had hoped.  First with the New York Jets and later with the New England Patriots, both ending in him being fired.  After being let go from the Patriots organization, Pete went through something he had not experienced in his career…he had no job, but time, a lot of time.  This time away from the game forced him to re-evaluate his coaching philosophies.  While as a head coach in NY and NE, Pete felt he was not letting his true core beliefs and values shine through.  He conformed his approach to meet the old school expectations of leading the way NFL teams have always been lead: having no fun and coaching players out of fear, instead of uplifting them.

Inspired by legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success, Carroll wrote down his core values and coaching philosophy.  He promised himself, the next time he had the opportunity to be a head coach, he would run his program lead by these guiding principles.  The rest is history…he dominated the Pac-12 at USC and when no believed his style would work in the NFL, his approach has proven very successful and copied by many other coaches in the league and by coaches from other sports, including Steve Kerr from the record setting Golden State Warriors.

Take time, just like Carroll…dig deep and discover your core values.  Once you have come up with these pillars of believe that drive your behavior, write them down and tell someone and remember:

You can’t follow your dreams if you only follow others. 

My next topic in my series “Building Your Brand” will focus on identifying your strengths.  Enjoy the holiday weekend!!!

PS: Interested in getting inspired about discovering your core values?  Read this book…its a game changer!

BUILD YOUR BRAND

Do you know that you are always interviewing? Whether you are aware of it or not, people are creating a perception and label of you. With our family, friends, at the office, social media…we are constantly forming people’s opinions of us by how we carry ourselves, act, talk, what we post, and how we treat others. This thought can be overwhelming and sound like a lot of pressure, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s time to start thinking about your brand. Your brand should be consistent and cross over to all areas of your life (at home, at work, socially, etc.). But how can it be consistent if you haven’t spent time examining, exploring, and asking yourself vital questions that help you understand what drives your behavior? The cool thing is, if you know who you are and are comfortable in who you are, and know what you want – who gives a %$#@ what people think?

Here lies the question: do people see you the same way you see yourself? Have you set your standards too low for yourself? Are you maximizing your strengths? Do you love to wake up each day and have a zest and zeal to achieve your goals? These are the questions that I hope to help you answer in my next few blog posts. My goal is to help you explore 3 areas that form your brand – I call it your WHAT, HOW, and WHY:

• WHAT: what are your core values?
• HOW: how are you unique – what are your strengths?
• WHY: why do you do what you do – what motivates you?

Here’s the deal, you should not let others create your brand, image, or label for you. We all should take ownership of our brand. We have the freedom to choose our mindset and our actions each day. This unspeakable freedom should not be underestimated. I hope today is the day you take ownership of how others and you see yourself. Every corporation and company has a brand: Nike, Starbucks, Nordstrom, and Apple, are a few of my favorites. When you think of these companies, you instantly have a perception of what they stand for, what they are good at, and why you buy from them. These and other companies have spent hundreds of hours and millions of dollars to formulate their brand. Isn’t it time you do the same?

The most powerful force in the universe is how you see your self – your self perception.  

Have you ever been to the circus?  I have not, but mindset coach Tony Robbins often tells a story about elephants at the circus. When elephants are newly born, their owners tie the elephant up to a stake in the ground. That little elephant tries with all his might to break free from that stake. Unfortunately, that little guy hasn’t developed enough strength to break away. This elephant tries and tries each day to break away to no avail and eventually gives up. As the elephant grows and grows he doesn’t even attempt to pull free, because he has been conditioned to think he’s stuck. He doesn’t understand the power he has, because his perception of his strength has been greatly diminished by conditioning from outside forces.  

Can you relate to this example? Have you been conditioned to see yourself a certain way? Its time to reassess your perception. Only you have the power to change your standards and how you see yourself, as well as others. The old saying, “whether you think you can or cannot, you are right,” fits perfectly here. My next three post will help you explore and think about what makes you, you. I’ll help you examine, what is your true north…what are your core values? Next, I’ll help you identify your strengths and how you can use them to generate personal satisfaction and wealth. Finally, and most importantly, I discuss finding your why – what drives you and motivates you to take action and be your best…is it recognition, money, creating a better position for your family, or something different? 

Check back in…I’m excited to help you build your brand.