COMMIT TO BE FIT

How’s your fitness right now?  We all know the many health benefits of exercising, but there are many obstacles getting in the way of making working out one of our weekly habits:

• Work
• Kid’s schedules
• Lack of time
• Several other commitments
• Don’t know what to do
• Don’t enjoy it 

All of these are real challenges, but we need, have to, and MUST make physical fitness a key piece of our routine to be the best version of ourselves.  According to the Mayo Clinic, let me remind you of a few of the physical benefits:

• Increases energy
• Combats health conditions and diseases (heart disease, blood pressure, lowers cholesterol, etc.)
• Controls weight
• Promotes better sleep
• Puts the spark back into your sex life (where my married peeps at?)
• Prevents injury

The physical advantages of committing a life of fitness are clear, but did you know your mental health will drastically improve as well.  Here are some of the advantages exercise will provide your mental state:

• Improve your mood
• Alleviate anxiety
• Improve self confidence
• Boost “happy chemicals” (endorphins, which decreases depression and increases happiness)
• Tap into creativity & improve brain power
• Improve memory

I believe all these physical and mental benefits to be true, but let me personalize why I work out.  I’m a fairly vain person.  I take pride in my appearance and want to look good.  However, I exercise because its an escape and I really enjoy it.  I once was told by former WSU defensive back coach, Kenny Greene, who looked amazing for his age, “Weight lifting is the fountain of youth.”  I believe this to be true.  If done correctly, mixing in weight bearing exercises with some sort of cardio reduces risk of injury, increases energy, and helps you feel and look younger. 

The physical benefits are clear, but I must say, the mental benefits might be more impactful!  The gym is the number one place where I think.  We all should spend at least 15 minutes per day by ourselves thinking.  When I get to the gym, I have my music playing, my blood is flowing, I’m letting off some steam, and I am getting after it!  This personal time is such a release.  Many of my ideas for work, life, and even this blog come to me while I work out.

Need a work out playlist?  Check out my “gym-flo” mix on Spoitify HERE (note Parental Advisory…these beats may make your booty shake and inspire you to turn into the Incredible Hulk; oh and I like R&B and Hip Hop, so there is some creative usage of the English language).   

Find a way to incorporate physical activity into your weekly calendar.  if you have been lagging behind in this department, be intentional with your time and write it into your schedule, just like you would schedule an important business meeting, or lunch with a friend.

What changes can you make to incorporate physical activity to your daily or weekly routine?  The first year we lived in Lakeland Hills, my longtime friend and neighbor belonged to a gym 9 minutes away from our house….I joined and I think I went 5 times all year.  I opted to work out when I traveled or would just go for a jog occasionally when home.  A year later, I realized I wasn’t incorporating enough weight lifting into my routine.  I switched my gym membership to Tahoma Fitness, which is literally across the street from my house.  It’s $20 more expensive than my old gym, which is why I joined the other one…but that one change drastically increased the frequency I workout.  How I feel and the mental and physical results significantly out-weigh the extra dollars spent.  What’s the one thing you can change?  You should treat your body and mind the same way you should treat your marriage…with commitment, accountability, and make it a priority…oh and it should be fun!  Below are my 5 areas to self-fulfillment – physical fitness being one.

Physical Health & Fitness is one of the 5 areas of self-fulfillment (I’ll talk about the other 4 later)

 If you don’t belong to a gym, come up with a physical activity plan that works for you.  You don’t need to work out for 2 hours to be effective.  Studies have shown that 15 minutes per day, increases mental and physical health.  If you don’t know much about how to exercise, the internet is a great place to start for ideas, or what I recommend is reaching out to a few people you know who workout in a way you think aligns with your needs and pick their brain.  You could always sign up for a personal trainer for a few sessions to help get you started.  Reach out to a friend and go in to this journy of fitness together.  Teamwork makes the dream work!  Having someone to help hold you accountable, might be the x-factor of making fitness a habit.  Trust me, take action…your physical and mental health will be well worth the investment.

Need a quick workout?  Check out my favorite on the go exercise routine…takes only 10 minutes!

TAKE ACTION

Clear Focus of What You Want + Action + Consistency = Results

The more and more I study topics of change, enhancing one’s mindset, and self improvement, I’ve been drawn to one common denominator….HABITS.  Self help guru Tony Robbins calls them “rituals,” others call them your routine or pattern…whatever it is you want to call them, the daily decisions you make determine your destiny…ooh I like that, I think I’ll say it again, but with more oomph!

Your daily decisions determine your destiny!

We all wake up each day with an unspeakable power…no matter how much money you make, where you live, your education, your background, or your circumstance, we all have the power to choose.  The difference between those at the top versus those who are average or living in scarcity, is the people who have extreme success are willing to do what others are not.

During my time as a student-athlete at WSU, we had several signs up in the weight room to motivate us.  The only one I remember said this:

There are two pains in life: 

1. PAIN OF REGRET, or 2. PAIN OF HARD WORK.

There are few things in life that sting more that the agony and life sucking pain of regret.  So, what’s the alternative?  Making the decision to go all-in and go for it is the only way.  Hard work might sound a little harsh for some of you…if you are one of those people, substitute the term hard work with the word “discipline”.  Often times we don’t have to work harder, but smarter.  Working hard is great, but if it doesn’t align with a specific plan, you won’t get very far.  For example, you can be busting your butt raking leaves for hours, but if its a windy day, you won’t get much accomplished.  We need to work hard AND smart. 

Here’s the deal, if you have a laser focus of what you want, you’ve set a goal, and this goal creates excitement, passion, purpose, and brings out the lion inside you….your actions will not feel like hard work.  You will be consumed by this energy and drive to reach what it is you want.  But, ah, here lies the challenge, have you taken the time to sit down and really think about what it is that you want in life…what are your dreams…and what is it that will bring you the utmost joy?  

What is your God given gift?  We all have that something unique inside of us.  Are you living in your gift?  Take a moment and think about that right now…what is it that will bring you complete joy, satisfaction, and a sense of total achievement?…write it down.  Now what actions do you need to take to make this a reality?  Grab a piece of paper and make two headings like this below.  Fill both sides out.  Start with just 1 or 2 actions to get started.  Once you’ve mastered those, add another.  Start to build new habits that will lead you to your ultimate goal…the true champion inside of you.

Remember to set a date next to your dream on when you want to accomplish this.  Goals are simply dreams with a deadline.  Don’t settle and say you are too old, too young, or the timing is off.  Start today, what you’ll wish you started a year from now…five years, ten years from now.  You will never truly live unless you step outside your comfort zone.  

Here’s the thing about habits…they are sneaky little devils.  Procrastination is like a slow forming cancer…you don’t recognize it until its too late and its spread all over your body.  This disease of putting things off makes you feel like you are too far behind and it paralyzes you.  Multi-billionaire Warren Buffet once said that the habit of procrastination creates chains that cannot be felt, and over time become too hard to break.

My man Warren B. knows the power of habits.

So many people are not looking at the big picture.  They sacrifice long term gain for short term pleasure (going the easy route).  We need to think and make our decisions with the end in mind.  Kendra and I try to parent this way.  A short term sacrifice, we believe will produce a long term gain for our children and their behavior (we are a work in progress here).

Today is the day that you choose to make a new habit.  Maybe its exercising more, quitting smoking, being a better spouse or parent, completing a major task that you’ve been putting off, or going after that job you always wanted.  When making your decisions you can focus on one of two things: the pain or the pleasure.  Many people chose to focus on the pain instead of the pleasure that the results create.  Make the decision to switch your mindset and focus on how great you will feel after you attack your goal. 

Take exercising for example.  Advertise to yourself how amazing you will feel by working out 4 days a week, how much better you’ll look in those pants (hey, summer is just around the corner).  Focus on those pleasures instead of the pain of getting up an hour earlier, of driving to the gym, paying the membership fees, and putting your body through hell.  Overtime these habits and routines will create a sense of ultimate satisfaction and joy…over time you’ll see the results and crave to do what you once put off. 

Prioritize your dreams…no one else will do it for you.  You owe it to yourself.  The clock is ticking…the time to take action is NOW!  Please, please, please check out this article on the important habits you should try to instill in your daily routine…the most successful people in world have…you have what it takes to be one of these people.  Good luck!

13 Habits of Self-Made Millionaires   

REDEMPTION (KOBE PART II)

While traveling in Boise the Thursday and Friday after Kobe went off for 60 points in his final game, I had a revelation.  For the past few weeks leading up to that point I’ve been reading the books of Samuel in the Bible, which introduces us to a well known character to Christians and non-Christians alike…King David of Israel.  These two iconic characters had been on my mind during my trip and it felt like a Kobe/David mashup from the movie series Pitch Perfect (a mashup is when an acappella group sings two songs with a similar melody and beat and blend them together – see an example here).

I started thinking about both of their journeys and I was taken back by all they had in common:

Both where thrust onto the scene at an early age

Kobe: Drafted as a 17 year old out of high school.  A year later was selected as the youngest NBA All-Star of all-time.
David: As a young boy, David receives instant fame and glory by defeating the Philistine giant Goliath.

KD putting in work!

Both were the “Heir Apparent”

Kobe: Followed the greatest of all-time, His Airness Himself, Michael Jordan.  Many believed upon Jordan’s retirement, Kobe was the face of the NBA and the next “king.” 

David: Succeeded Saul as the second king of Israel.

Both were fearless warriors and soldiers at their core

Kobe: Considered one of the fiercest competitors in the history of all professional sports.  Kobe’s insane pain tolerance and drive pushed him to play a grueling high number of minutes and through painful injuries throughout his career.  His drive to conquer the NBA and be the best helped land him multiple titles, as well as league and Laker franchise records.

David: King David engaged in many battles and was a skilled and brave warrior.  “Your throne shall be established forever.” (2 Samuel 7:16) As first general and then king over Judah, David helped Israel grow from a small tribe, into a strong nation through conquering the Philistines and other tribes. 

Are you not ENTERTAINED?!!!

The number 5

Kobe: Won 5 NBA Championships.
David: Picked 5 smooth stones before his battle with Goliath.

Strong lineage

Kobe: Kobe’s father, Joseph “Jellybean” Bryant was drafted in the first round of the 1975 draft and played 16 professional seasons of basketball (8 in the NBA and 8 in Europe).
David: Samuel went to Bethlehem intending to appoint Saul’s successor from among the son’s of Jesse.  “Rise and anoint him, this is the one” (1 Samuel 16:12).

Both were exiled before their reign

Kobe: Due to his father taking his talents from the NBA to pursue opportunities overseas, Kobe spent 8 years in Italy as a child and teen, isolated from family and friends back home.

David: As commander of Saul’s army, David became increasingly successful and popular.  Saul saw David as a threat and repeatedly plotted his death.  Saul’s son Jonathan warns David, who “fled into the wilderness” and was exiled as a fugitive for some time. 

Physical Appearance

Kobe: Kobe’s charm, charisma, and looks help land him several lucrative endorsements including Adidas, Nike, Lenevo, Spalding, and Coca-Cola.

David: The Bible describes David as “ruddy” (of a person’s face – a healthy red color) who had beautiful eyes and was handsome. The original KD, (King David) would have been a lock for endorsing the latest and greatest ancient sandal. 

The Successor

Kobe: This remains to be seen, but all roads point to Steph Curry, who’s 2016 performance topped his magical run to an NBA title and MVP in 2015.  Steph is unlike any other superstar before him.  His record breaking 2016 season, likable image, unique shooting and play-making skills, may prove as a recipe for the greatest player in his era…only time will tell.  Curry reminds me of a young King Solomon (before he was corrupted), wise beyond his years, uniquely gifted, and very powerful.

David: David’s son King Solomon was great in wisdom, wealth, and power.  Israel enjoyed 40 years of prosperity under Solomon’s reign before he fell away from God and lived a life of sin (let’s hope Steph doesn’t follow suit…I trust he won’t!).

The Fall (Adultery)

Kobe: During the summer of 2003 Kobe admitted to an adulterous sexual encounter with a 19-year old hotel employee in Eagle, Colorado.  The woman charged Kobe with sexual assault, which was later dropped, but a civil suit was later filed and settled out of court. Aside from causing severe strain to his marriage, Kobe’s squeaky clean image was severely damaged  and he lost most of his endorsement deals.

David: Not only did David commit adultery with Bathsheba, but because of his shame, he sent her husband Uriah to the front lines of battle to be killed. 

The Rise (Legacy)

Both will be remembered as one of the greatest of all time.  Both anointed at an early age and true heroes to their adorning followers.  Were they flawed?  Yes, but their passion, skill, strength and bravery helped etch their name as legends and giants of their time.

What stood out to me wasn’t their fierceness in battle or their accomplishments, but the power of repentance. 

Both men expressed extreme remorse over their transgressions and sought forgiveness.  We are not defined by our sin, our failure, or our mishaps.  We all have fallen short in one way or another.  In these times, are we able to recognize our wrong, face it without hiding or running away from it; feel genuine remorse, ask for forgiveness with a sincere heart; and finally – learn from it and move on in a positive way?  Its not the FALL that counts, its getting back up, asking for forgiveness with a sincere and true soul, and becoming stronger and more pure of heart than before that matters most (the RISE).  It takes real courage to come back, humble yourself, and own your mistake(s). 

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me of my sin…wash me, and I will be whiter that snow.  Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice….Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me.”

(To view all of Psalm 51, click here)

If you feel like you have been wearing a Scarlet Letter, its time to break out the OxiClean.  Repent.  Ask for forgiveness.  Forgive yourself.  Start anew.  You can do it!…today is the day. 

Kobe changed his number from 8 to 24 to represent a changed man and a fresh start.  If you are dealing with baggage of a failure or mistake, what is one thing you can change?  Like Rachel Platten sings in her anthem of rebirth, Fight Song,

“Like how a single word, can make a heart open.
I might only have one match, but I can start an explosion.”

KOBE PART I

I hate Kobe Bryant…well at least I used to dislike him.  I know, I know, HATE, is a very strong word, so I guess I never “hated” Kobe, I just wasn’t his biggest fan.  I think the real reason behind my lack of affinity for the Black Mamba is I could never relate to him.  At the core of who I am is a pleaser, soft spoken, team player, pass first & shoot second mentality (on the court and off).  Kobe stands for everything I’m not: demanding of others, ferocious, selfish – always shoot first, pass second.  His camp even requested to be the highest paid player in the league regardless if his best years were behind him.  Kobe is all about ego and being the alpha.  On top of that, Kobe has a reputation for not being the best teammate (after 3 Championships, why did Shaq leave?).  There’s a reason why no big-time free agents came to LA…it was all about Kobe and no one wanted to deal with him (i.e. the Dwight Howard experiment).  I’m drawn to unselfish superstars like LeBron and Steph Curry…I relate to those guys.  I connect with their team-first mentality and style of play.

But I must say, last Wednesday night I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the TV.  Even though my guy Steph and his “Splash Brother” Klay (Wazzu in the house!) were playing to make history, going for the unprecedented 73rd win of the season…my channel was glued to ESPN 2 watching the Mamba.  LA is a circus in general and the Staple Center had all the big names in attendance to watch Kobe’s final performance.  Let’s just say he didn’t disappoint.  Like most of America and several markets around the globe, I was mesmerized.  Big time players, make big time plays, in big games.  The elite of the elite, shine brightest when the most is at stake, when everyone is watching, and when the game (or for this instance) one’s legacy and last game is on the line.  

Kobe hitting another big bucket with the eyes of an assassin

Many can’t handle the pressure of being the man…being responsible to carry a franchise, living up to lofty expectations.  Many crumble when the haters come out and criticism pours in.  Many can’t handle the pressure and fail to fully satisfy when everyone is counting on you to deliver.  Well folks, Kobe more than fulfilled his duty, he absolutely crushed it to mythical heights.  Not only did he score 60 points (44% shooting off of an unbelievable 50 shots), he also hit the game winner with 30 seconds left and iced the game with 2 free throws.  He was fearless, clutch, unfazed by the moment, and competed like only he could.  My 6 pack of purple colored Hater-aid, turned into drinking the Kobe Kool-aid. This single performance turned me overnight…I couldn’t turn the TV and all the coverage off.  I watched his post-game news conference not once but TWICE!  My obsessive following of that moment reminded me of Derek Jeter’s last game at Yankee stadium, where he ended his reign in the Bronx with a walk-off base hit.  Hollywood just couldn’t have written this script.  60 points from a run-down 37 year old, who hadn’t topped 40 points in several years.

These are my take-aways from what I learned about Kobe that memorable night.  I was looking at Kobe from the wrong perspective.  I failed to see the “beauty in others.”  I focused my attention on my perceived flaws of what makes Kobe, Kobe.  Is he perfect, no.  Is he polarizing, yes.  He is a villain or hero?  What I love about him is that he doesn’t care. 

Kobe is able to do what I have always struggled with – not care what other people think. 

Where I used to (and sometimes still do), let people’s opinion’s of me effect me.  Kobe could give a %$#@.  He uses the doubters and haters as fuel to win.

Photo cred: The Moawad Group

My depiction of the Mamba now is of a man who is fearless, a winner, unfazed by the moment, driven, ultra-focused, has elite mental toughness, has an extraordinary high pain threshold, a warrior, and one of the fiercest competitors to play professional sports.  I am envious of all those things.  I wish I had more Kobe Bryant in me.  I loved how when asked during his press conference how he was able to take in all the festivities and fanfair…he said, “I stuck to my routine, and I focused on what I needed to do to win.  I didn’t change my process for the moment.”

And that’s what I learned the most from Kobe.  Kobe is an icon, and in the discussion for being one of the best ever…not for what he did when the lights where shining bright, but what he did when no one was watching and what was going on between his ears…his mental approach.  Kobe’s work ethic, his commitment to improve himself every off-season, his mental and physical toughness to overcome multiple years of playing through injuries, and his obsession with winning.  His positive mental self-talk…his unwavering belief in himself.  Just like Jeter, Kobe did not change his process for any moment and that is why they are both legends.  When times get tough, or when the pressure is on, we need to remember to stick with our process, our routine – mostly mental – less physical. 

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS, NOT THE PRESSURE.

This is where habits come into play.  We need to prepare ourselves daily (through positive self-talk) to be ready for adversity, challenges, and obstacles.  When you have a deadline to meet at work; when you are in a stressful situation at home; when you are in a state of crisis, we need to remember to focus on the task at hand, focus on the fundamentals, and what needs to get done, instead of what’s at stake or worse case scenarios.  Kobe models the alternative…visualizing best case scenarios – visualizing successful outcomes.  We need to believe that we have what it takes to overcome and succeed when these challenges strike. I love this mindset:

Shout out to L. Rob for this quote.

We can’t be afraid to fail.  Like Kobe, we need to expect success and believe with all our heart that we have what it takes to win – no matter the situation.  We might hit a few set backs, we might hear from a few haters, but we can learn from those moments and use those experiences as fuel to improve, and keep grinding toward our goal.  I am now a Kobe fan and have learned so much for him from one magical night.  He saved the best for last, something we all should strive to do.  Its not how you start, its how you finish that counts.  Thank you Kobe.  #MambaOut

Check back in for my ode to Kobe Part II, as I draw comparisons between Kobe and a major PTPer (Prime Time Player) in the Bible. 

DISCOVER

Have you heard of the name Judah Smith?  If you live in the Northwest and are into young adult ministry (ages 18-30ish), love the Seahawks, your favorite golfer is Bubba Watson, and you are a charter member of the Justin Bieber fan club…then you probably know him.  This guy has a lot going on…not only is Judah a New York Times Best Selling author (the book Jesus Is____), he’s also best friends with Bubba, he’s the Biebs pastor and mentor, and Judah JUST added Seattle Seahawk Chaplain to his resume this past fall.  On top of all those cool points, Judah and Chelsea Smith are the pastors at The City Church, which has several locations in the greater Seattle area (their main campus is in Kirkland).

Judah is (in mine and many other’s opinion), the alpha dog, pioneer, and leader for this new wave of young and hip pastors that spread the gospel in non-traditional ways (if you haven’t, look up Carl Lentz, Chad Veach, John Gray, and Rich Wilkerson, Jr.).  These trend setters use fashion, pop culture references, music, sports analogies, hysterical wit, and deep storytelling to convey the message that church isn’t about religion.  It’s about loving yourself and others, but mainly, it’s all about one man – Jesus.

Judah Smith

When we lived in Issaquah, we made the City Church our church home.  Since moving back to the south end (near Lake Tapps), that trek to Kirkland with three kids 3 and under is a little much to handle.  We love calling Puyallup Foursquare our church home now.  However, with the beautiful invention of the internet, we often get caught up on how things are going with Judah and the City Church by watching his sermons on their website (check out his sermons here).  This past weekend, we went on a family walk down our big hill (two miles round trip…it’s a BEAST) and brought along our “church on the go” technique.  With Winnie in the stroller, I propped up my iPhone and synced it up with our Beats Pill (this hill can get a little noisy due to cars driving up and down).  This mobile church method is amazing – try it sometime – you get to get Jiggy with Jesus, while you work your glutes (uhh, what, did I just say that?)!

My walking buddies

During this walk, we listened to Judah discuss the challenges and importance of relationships.  He told a funny story about him and Chelsea early in their marriage.  But during his sermon, he said a phrase that really resonated with me.  He talked about how many fall into the path of comparing; keeping up with the Jones’s; looking for the flaws in others to make us feel better.  During this eloquent talk, he said a phrase that sang to me and caught my ear just like the first time I heard Rihanna sing, “Work, Work, Work, Work, Work” (what she says after that only God knows).  Judah proclaimed,

DISCOVER the beauty in others.

I love this.  So simple, but so true.  I love that he used the word “discover.”  I loved it so much I looked the word up to see all the definitions.  Discover means to:

·         Find (something or someone) unexpectedly or in the course of a search

·         Become aware of (fact or situation)

·         Be the first to observe

·         Perceive the attractions of (an activity or subject) for the first time

·         Be the first to recognize the potential of (someone)

Think about applying all of those definitions when looking at other people.  Use the word “discover” to look at, think about, engage and communicate with others…if you do, it is truly beautiful.  I’ve been guilty of comparing what I have (my physical traits and worldly possessions) versus what others have (good or bad).  Social media is not helping with this epidemic of comparing and envy.  Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat are vehicles for many to showcase a false reality to make others view them in a certain way.  Conversely, many of us look at these social media apps as a platform to point out the flaws, past judgement, and stack our chips vs. others and say, “HA!  SEE! I’m cooler than so-and-so.”  Can we make this STOP please!

What lens do you view the world in?  What glasses do you wear when looking at other people?  Are you wearing these glasses (glasses that COMPARE):

Or are you wearing these glasses (glasses that CARE):

Are you looking through a lens that compares or cares?  Let’s discover the good, the beauty, and the gifts in others.  Let’s celebrate other people’s success without jealousy.  Let’s continually lift people up with words of encouragement, positivity, and love.  What good does the alternative do?  Being bitter doesn’t make you better, it just makes you sour.  This type of vision is blurred and will throw you off track and set you back from being the best version of you.  On the flip side, no one is made the same or is perfect.  Many gravitate toward people who are most like themselves.  We tend to engage or interact with people who look like us, talk like us, and come from the same background as us.  Imagine what the world would be like if we all DISCOVER the beauty in others and look to find the good instead of the bad..  What if we were intentional with our thoughts and actions to embrace our differences and look for the hidden talents in others.  Breaking down the definition of “Discover,” what if we:

1.       Find something unexpectedly good in someone

2.       Become aware of someone’s passion

3.       Be the first to observe another person’s gift

4.       Perceive (think about) the attractions of someone different than you  

5.       Be the first to recognize the potential in someone…tell them and others of this observation

This approach, I PROMISE is a much healthier way to make you feel better, as well as empower others to be themselves.  This is what Jesus modeled.  When I see others who act, talk, and think the polar opposite of me…I sometimes revert back to some bad habits and start to cast judgment…but I try to remember to remind myself that God loves that person the same as He loves me…I’m no better in His eyes.  He cares for us no matter who we are, not matter where we are from, no matter our circumstance.  God’s vision is 20/20, He looks through a lens that Cares.  He loves us for who we are.  He celebrates our successes.  He loves us at our best and our worst.  I want to be like that for others.

What glasses do you want people to look at you through?  Do you want people to focus on your flaws or your strengths?  Maybe your outlook on life needs a new prescription.  Try this new pair on that I described and see how they fit.  I believe this lens will be much more clear and fulfilling.  Oh by the way, Judah wears glasses…just saying…I’m pretty sure which ones they are too.

MAKE THE BIG TIME WHERE YOU ARE

Frosty Westering is a local legend.  From 1972-2003 he was the head football coach at Pacific Lutheran University (PLU).  PLU is a private Division III university in a town in the greater Tacoma, WA area called Parkland (the first 5 years of my life, I lived right across the street from the university…some call it the “hood,” – that’s where I got my street cred).  During his tenure at PLU, Frosty lead the Lutes to 8 National Championship games, winning 4 titles. His overall record of 305-96-7, made him the winningest NAIA coach of all-time, and 9th in wins among all college coaches…not bad huh?

What made Frosty Westering a legend, wasn’t just in his winning record.  Frosty taught his players more than just football, but about life – how to be a good citizen, father, brother, friend, and teammate.  Being a private Christian college, PLU gave Frosty the platform to talk about his faith in Christ and making that the center of one’s life.  Frosty’s belief of unselfishness, service, and brotherhood gave his players the skills to win not only on the field, but as men outside of collegiate athletics – as husbands, fathers, and contributors to society.

Frosty was an inspiration beyond just football and was a sought after motivational speaker.  He shared his philosophies in a book entitled, Make the Big Time Where You Are. There is only a limited number of copies made, so if you look on Amazon.com you’ll find even used copies are going for $43 (the lowest price I found).  When Frosty passed in 2013, this book was selling for over $1,000 on Ebay!

I unfortunately have not read the book (those babies are tough to get!…it’s on my to do list though), but I love this concept of “Making the Big Time Where You Are”.  This phrase really resonates with me.  I interpret the “Big Time” to mean being the best version of yourself, maximizing your talents, and positively impacting what ever sphere of influence that makes you the most happy (this could be on a micro or macro level).

Growing up in Puyallup, which is near Parkland, and being friends and childhood teammates with Frosty’s grandson Jason Johnson (who I later competed against in high school at my rival, Rogers High, and later at the University of Arizona), I met Frosty several times, I saw a few of his games, and I knew dozens of his players (I even worked with PLU’s all-time touchdown leader, Chad Barnett, who is also one of my favorite people of all-time).  Ask anyone who had ever played for Frosty, and they’d say that their lives were changed forever.  Frosty’s secret wasn’t game planning, X’s and O’s, and recruiting (even though he was very good in those areas), his championships and records had more to do with love, passion, and above all – his unwavering faith.  Frosty was about impacting his players beyond just football…but isn’t that what the best coaches, teachers, and leaders do?…affect us on a deeper level; connect with us beyond the sport or job; love us unconditionally; and inspire us to be our best?

When I hear the phrase, “Make the Big Time Where You Are,” this is my interpretation: everyone has different aspirations with their life and career.  For some, the “Big Time” is influencing people on a grand scale (macro) through either leadership (CEO, management roles), entertainment (the arts, athletics), education (research, teaching) entrepreneurship, or service (doctors, lawyers, public service, etc) .  In contrast, many are content and fulfilled by staying closer to home (where are my stay at home moms at?…you’re the REAL MVPs!) as a “worker bee,” not trying to climb the corporate ladder, but enjoying their level of employment and receive job fulfillment utilizing their own unique set of skills.  Both aspirations are perfect and needed for each respective area.  Everyone’s job and career fulfillment is different.

Shout out to my boy Mike Ike

For any career, there are three questions that one must ask themselves when deciding on a job:

• Does it fit my LIFESTYLE (hours, travel, time from family or friends, etc.)

• Does it provide the COMPENSATION needed for me and my family

• Does it provide JOB SATISFACTION (is it what I love to do and are skilled at?)

So, what does “Make the Big Time Where You Are” have to do with these three areas of choosing a career?  IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT!  Make the “Big Time” at whatever level you choose.  Do your best through having excellent effort and attitude.  One can lead at any level within an organization.  You don’t need power to have authority and influence.  Modeling service, compassion, respect, and generosity earns trust and “positive persuasion.”  One of my College of Education professors at WSU, Dr. Morgan, used to always say, “Take care of the cooks and janitors first!”  What he meant was, treat people at all positions and levels like they are the CEO, president, or principle…that’s what true leaders do.  You don’t need a title, to inspire, help, and provide hope to others…you just need the right heart.

So let’s say your aspirations are on a more macro level.  You want to be the next Bill Gates, Tom Brady, Adele, Hilary Clinton, or Mark Zuckerberg…you aspire to have influence over hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions.  In order to reach this level and sustain internal peace and professional longevity, you must take care yourself and those closest to you first, in order to reach the masses on a much larger scale:

YOU: Self confidence, love, gratitude, and healthy mental & physical habits is where it all starts.

FAMILY: Their is nothing more important that serving/putting your family first.

FRIENDS/TEAMMATES: Life is about people not things.  Being a loyal and generous friend must be a vital priority.  Being a trustworthy and productive teammate/coworker falls into the same category (many of us spend more time with our teammates/coworkers than any other group).

COMMUNITY: Life is much better when it is lived in community.  Getting involved in a local church, serving and impacting your city, county, maybe even state or country (depending on your aspirations) is the next progression.

WORLD: Many are called, few are chosen.  Are you called to impact the world, to reach a global scale of influence?…the previous spheres of influence must be obtained first.

To make the “Big Time” at any level you need to have the proper priorities in order.  Life is all about juggling multiple balls…however, they are not made of the same material.

All of these categories, with the exception of family, are like rubber – they have the ability to bounce back. They’ll still be there in some form or another if we drop them. Our family is made of glass, and it’s crucial we treat it that way. If we neglect our family and not make the “Big Time” by prioritizing our spouse, children, and putting our family first, we are missing on what’s most important in life.  Lives have been shattered, because people have been focusing on the wrong things for too long. Some people are seduced by money, power, status, and privilege, and in turn, their family suffers.  Treat your family like glass…protect it, savor it, adore it like your most prized possession… that is truly making the “Big Time!”

I hope this post inspires you to impact those around you in a positive way.  Serving and loving others is the only way.  Starting with yourself, then your family, and working your way out (friends, co-workers/teammates, community, and world – based on your aspirations) will give you the perspective needed to create happiness for you and others.  This type of approach would definitely earn you an, “Atta way, atta way!”…from Coach Frosty!

LOVE

Love is powerful.  Love heals.  Love protects.  Love saves.  Love is peace.  Love transcends.

LOVE, IS THE FINAL FRONTIER.

The word “love” used to make me feel uncomfortable.  I didn’t understand it.  I felt uncomfortable saying that word, especially when it dealt with people.  For the first 26 years of my life, I didn’t say the words, “I love you” to anybody, but my mom.  I wasn’t secure in myself to use that word.  Like most people who use the English language as their primary form of communication, they only think of the word “love” to describe one of two feelings: 1. someone you have deep romantic feelings for, or 2. what you tell your mom before you hang up the phone.

However, most other languages in the world have many different definitions and meanings for the word love.  In the Greek language, there are four different ways the word “love” is used:

Agape: Agape love is said to be the highest form of love – the love of God for man and man for God…some call this “Christian love.”  1 John 4:8 says, “God is love.”  This type of love is goodwill, faithfulness, commitment, and and an act of will…basically Agape love is always shown by what it does (read Love Does, by Bob Goff).

Eros: This type of love is for all my married people out there…where’s Marvin Gay when you need him?  Eros means intimate or romantic love.

Philia: This love is for all my homies.  Philia means “brotherly love.”

Storge: This means family love – the deep love of a parent toward a child or a child’s love to a parent.  Having children now, this love is truly unlike any love I knew existed.

On a serious note, let me preface by saying that some people miss-use this word to manipulate other people’s emotions or feelings for sexual or other reasons to improve their personal wants and desires.  This is wrong and I’m praying for these people.  Don’t ever do that please.  If you have ever been on the other end of a “false love” you understand the pain this feels.  Love is the most powerful emotion we can feel and emit.  Love is a word that shouldn’t just be thrown around, but used when truly felt.  Let’s use love for good and nothing else.  Don’t just tell me, show me – true love is that way – through actions, not just words.

So, back to my story with the word love.  It took me into my mid 30’s to finally understand all four Greek definitions of love.  Meeting my wife Kendra, I felt feelings of “Eros” and all other kinds very quickly (for the record I said “I love you” first)…she’s definitely the best decision I ever made.  “Storge” love, made sense and I’ve always had love for my family..though I’m still working on telling everyone in my family that I love them…it’s easy for me to tell my aunties and girl cousins, but my guy to guy expressions can improve (hey, I’m still a work in progress).  My biggest growth has been with my “Philia” love.  I used to never tell my close friends “I love you,” but luckily for me I have been blessed with several close friends, who have taught me that it doesn’t make me less of a man to express Philia love by saying, “I love you bro.” #charlymartin #chadveach #johanfriis can you # people?…well, I just did.

——————————————————

My freshman year at WSU, we were playing the University of Hawaii in their house for the last game of the year.  It was a rebuilding year for us.  We only had 2 wins that season and needed a “W” desperately.  It was late in the 4th quarter and we were holding onto a lead.  I was one of three true freshman that by the end of that year was a regular starter…one of those players was Seattle Seahawk legend and who is also from the (253), Marcus Trufant.  We needed this win and needed a big play.  Tru came up with a huge interception to seal the game and I remember giving him a big hug and saying, “I LOVE YOU MAN!!!”  This was very out of character for me because I never used that word.  I was pumped that we were going to win and my guy made a big play.  After saying that, I remember internalizing, “Well he didn’t say it back, am I a ‘nerd’ for saying that?…”

I think a lot of us don’t understand love…just like me all those years ago.  I was not advanced enough to understand God’s love – agape love.  Agape love is unconditional and expecting nothing in return.  This type of love doesn’t care how much money you makes, how you look, where you came from, or what your talents are.  Agape love embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends and serves no matter the context, situation, or condition.  In the end, love wins…it always does.

When I put my kids down for bed each night, I say the same prayer over them every time.  After first thanking the Lord for this unspeakable gift and blessing, I ask Him for their protection and safety. Then I conclude by asking for 3 things that center around LOVE:

• That they Love God first,
• That they love themselves how they are made unique and special, and  
•  Third, that they love and serve others.   

I call this the REAL Love Triangle!  I’m challenging you to ask the same for yourself.  Put God first in your life – “In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct and crown your efforts with success.” (Proverbs 3:6).  This priority is where it all starts.  Secondly, if you are able to be thankful for how you are made unique, different, and special in your own way to serve a purpose specifically designed for you; if you truly love yourself and have no need to compare or envy others; this will take your life to the next level and will create absolute peace and purpose in your journey.  Lastly, loving and serving others is the 3rd pathway to happiness and success.  When you give without expectation, you will live an abundant life.  Give it a try – if you love in that order, your world will change to a life you have never seen before…and it will just get better and better each day.

These 4 have taught me what LOVE is all about.

So when you are in doubt on how to handle a situation, or what to say or act when you have to make a decision…ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.  Love wins every time.

This concludes my series: 30 Days of Gratitude and Service. Thank you for taking this journey with me.  Check back in for more inspirational posts, stories, and updates.  Have a blessed day.    

LISTENING

A University of Missouri study found that 70-80% of the time we are awake we are communicating…reading emails, checking all social media apps, talking to roommates (I love talking to my roommates – my wife and kids), calling friends or colleagues on the phone, speaking or presenting at work, replying to emails or commenting on all of your “likes”.  So, when you add all that up, below is a breakdown of how we communicate by percentage:

·         10% writing

·         15% reading

·         30% talking

·         45% listening

We all went to school to learn how to read and write.  There are even classes and clubs to practice public speaking (check out Toastmaster’s here).  So here lies the problem.  We spend all of our time and money practicing to read, write, and talk. BUT, by the percentages, LISTENING takes up the biggest bucket when communicating.

This is where the educational system has failed us.  Adults and students alike need help with being better listeners (all the women with husbands or sig others can I get an AMEN?!).  My wife and I sometimes like to play this game when we go out on a date night.  We’ll get to our seats and look around the restaurant or coffee shop and count how many couples or people sitting together are “locked” into their phones instead of engaging the person across from them…try this the next time you are out.  It’s crazy and it needs to stop.  Cell phones are great, I love mine, but they are killing social skills and personal engagement for our youth and adults everywhere (especially young people…ENOUGH with the SnapChat already!).  Texting is now the number one mode of communication for people under the age of 30 (my own unofficial stat)!

Don’t be that couple.

The other day a headline on the cover of Psychology Today caught my eye – it had to do with a “hidden trait” that research has shown to make us more attractive.  They got me….I wanted to know.  The article discussed how new research reveals that what the author called “mindfulness” – being present, listening, and being attentive to the person you are interacting with increases positive emotions and attractiveness (not just sexual, but you seem more trusting, less judgmental, and caring).  The world could use more of this.  Think about these kinds of people in your life.  The people who master the art of “mindfulness” are the best leaders, have deeper and more meaningful friendships, have healthier marriages and relationship with their kids.  Speaking less and actively listening more with your eyes, body language and mind might do a world of good for you….and others.

The goal is to speak less and listen more – ask more questions.  When you think about it, when you are in a conversation with someone, in the back of your mind you probably in someway are hoping the conversation turns back to be about you and how awesome you are (I am guilty of this).  You love it when the person you are talking with makes the topic of conversation about you or is inquiring about your day, your achievements, and your process.  If we know this, why don’t we apply this trick and give the other person what they want (and to take it to the next level…truly care about what they are saying)?  This approach will improve your relationships, I guarantee it.

_______________________

Have you ever been called out?  Not just called out, but by someone you admire and respect deeply.  This happened to me one time while I was selling pharmaceuticals at GlaxoSmithKline (GSK).  We were launching a new product, and we had just gotten back from several days of training.  I was loaded up with all kinds of awesome data that I knew the doctors needed to hear.  At that time, I was in a unique position in my sales role because I worked closely with my specialty sales rep, who was also my uncle (he called on only specialists, while I mainly called on primary care accounts).  We were doing a lunch inservice and I was pelting this account with all the new statistics, outcomes, and cool info I just learned.  When all the providers left the room, my uncle just went straight for it and said, “You interrupt people.”  I said, “What, me, interrupt?”  He replied, “Yeah, you interrupted the doctor, you even interrupted me…you really need to work on that.”  Wow, wake-up call, big-time. 

This feedback was humbling and embarrassing, but needed.  This comment upon reflection brought me back to my first interview with GSK.  After that initial interview, the recruiter and hiring manager called me back and said, we really like you and your background, but you interrupted us several times.  Please work on this during your next round of interviews.  Hmmm, now this feedback from my uncle, I knew I needed to make a conscious effort to slow down, pause, let people speak when a question is asked, and trust that silence isn’t always a bad thing.

Since those experiences, this is what I’ve learned, people don’t care what you know until they know that you care.  Think about a conversation like a game of tennis.  Beautiful tennis is when there is a consistent volley back and forth.  The opponent matches tempo, pace, speed, loft, charging the net, retreating back to the back line, all based upon their opponents actions.  Are your conversations like this or are you like a tennis ball machine that is firing shots non-stop really fast and hard to one spot (no volleying here)?…we all have that one friend that talks like an auctioneer, where it’s virtually impossible to get a word in.  Or are you on the other end of the net from the tennis ball machine standing in the same location, hitting the same shot back over and over?…this would be like giving mindless replies during a conversation like, “yup,” “ah-huh,” “ok.”  This is just being lazy.

Another common blunder is when someone is talking to you, and you are figuring out what you are going to say next, instead of concentrating and truly listening to what the person you are talking to is saying…I do this often and I’m working on it…I’m trying to improve my volleying skills.

Here’s another thing, why do people feel like they need to give advice all the time or have a miraculous solution when someone is going through a tough time? Often times we don’t need advice, we just need someone to hang with us, comfort us, and listen to us without judgement. We just need mindfulness; we just need to be loved. One of the most effective ways to love someone is to do nothing but just listen. Put the cell phone down…the emails can wait, checking the most recent Instagram post is not a state of emergency, that text message doesn’t need to be answered now. Living life being present, engaged, and listening is next level type stuff. Now THAT is attractive…I want to hang with those people.  I want to be that person.

Those of us with children know that kids do what you do, not what you say. Modeling mindfulness, and listening skills is a vital life skill that they need to succeed. If they see you on your cell phone 24/7 and have to say your name 5 times to get your attention, you are setting them up to emulate that behavior.

Let’s not be that person.  Practice and apply making listening and mindfulness a focus in your life and watch your relationships improve, your results at work grow, and in the end, feel a deeper level of happiness and peace. This skill doesn’t happen over-night, we need practice.  I know you got it in you. So on your next date night, PUT YOUR CELL PHONE AWAY!

LEARNING

Every so often, my iPhone requests a system update.  I love the option that offers this update to occur at night when I’m sleeping (that Steve Jobs thought of everything…RIP). These internal improvements and bug fixes offer new features and let’s me do even more with my phone.  The upgrades are essential to prevent crashes and slower access to apps and other features.  They make my phone more efficient and effective on so many levels.

We are not much different.  In order to update and improve ourselves, we must designate time to consistently learn.  Unfortunately we don’t have a night time uploading feature (dang you Steve Jobs, so you didn’t think of everything!).

You may have heard the saying, “You are either getting better or you are getting worse”…or, “You are either growing or dying.”  Those both sound pretty harsh, but I believe that both comments are true.  You want to win in life and be the best version of you?…then you need to invest in yourself by making time to learn new things, thoughts, philosophies, skills, and technologies – you need a continual system upgrade.

So, how can you do it?  Time is limited.  You have work or school.  You might have work AND school.  You have a family and kids to tend to.  You have to keep the house clean.  You have yard chores.  You are tired, yada yada yada.  We all have 168 hours in a week.  Take away sleep and work/school (100 hours) and we have 68 hours left.  How are you prioritizing your time to make sure that you are improving your knowledge, bettering your craft, learning something new, or getting inspired?

On a random side note that doesn’t really fit, but I need to include….For my money, intelligence is very attractive.  What sealed the deal for me and Kendra was her brain.  You want to improve your sex appeal?…get smarter.  You want to keep your loved one engaged and in tune with you…get smarter.  You want to have influence on others…get smarter.  Ok, back to the originally planned content.

Accessing information is easier now than ever before.  There are Kindles, Nooks, iPads, Sony Readers, and other tablets to access books.  There are podcasts you can download.  For you iPhone users, there is even a podcast app that you can search topics and have access to a never ending supply of information.  I’m getting into TEDtalks (TED is short for Technology, Entertainment, and Design), which are video podcasts of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference each year (talks are limited to 18 minutes or less)…did I mention there’s an app for that?

Here has been my formula for learning information:  I listen to audio books or podcasts in one of two places… 1) while I drive for work or 2) when I workout.  I read books before I go to bed, travel on an airplane, or when Kendra is working in her office…I have a cozy comfy chair there.

I give myself $40 per month to download at least one audio book and one physical book (either on my iPad or hard copy). iTunes or Amazon have all the books and audio books you could ever need.  I manage a large territory covering multiple states, so I don’t know how I would survive without this technology.  If your commute isn’t very long, let me offer another strategy…listen while you workout.  For my lifestyle, this is an ideal place to get smarter and more buff (just kidding, getting buff not so much, I prefer “toned”).  Here you kill two birds with one stone…get healthy and more intelligent at the SAME TIME!  If the gym or lifting weights isn’t your thing, then you can go on a walk, a bike ride, or maybe Prancercising is your thing, it really doesn’t matter…just get more creative in how you can absorb new information to better yourself.

Here are 3 areas to consider that will have a direct impact on your competence: what are you reading, what are you listening to, and who are you talking to?  Aside from books, audio books, and podcasts, what are you watching on TV and who do you surround yourself with?  I just talked about the importance of mentorship.  Learning from other people in your life is as essential, maybe more essential than reading a book.

Think about forming a small group that you can meet with once a month.  I have belonged to multiple small groups either through my church or through an informal small group with friends from school and playing athletics.  We call our meetings “3F”: Faith, Food, and Fellowship.  In the fall, it turns into 4F’s: Faith, Food, Football, and Fellowship (oh how I miss John Gruden).  We meet one Monday night a month and watch Monday Night Football (or a basketball game) over a meal.  Every guy takes turns hosting, while we catch up on how things are going as husbands, fathers, and contributors to our community (we are on a little hiatus, but we have plans to meet again soon).  These experiences – learning and sharing have been transformational for me as a father, husband, and friend.  Forming accountability groups like this have the potential to be life changing for you.  Life is better lived in community, and not alone…these groups foster fantastic learning environments.

Here’s My Learning Challenge: read or listen to at least one book per month for the next 12 months (12 books…you can do it *see my top 10 list below).  Try out some other methods and places (car, gym, bus, train, outdoors) to achieve this goal.  If you haven’t, download and listen to an audio book.  Try dabbing into Podcasts as well.  One of my favorite things to listen to are sermons from my favorite pastors via podcasts (Judah Smith, Chad Veach, Carl Lentz, John Gray)…maybe give that a shot if you need some spiritual motivation.

My second challenge is to get involved in a small group that meets regularly.  Learning from peers and growing your relationships will make life that much sweeter, and hey, you could learn a thing or two from people who are going through what you are going through (mom’s groups, single women’s groups, men’s groups, church groups, etc.).  Take the initiative and get after it!  In order to create change, we need to be intentional with our thoughts and actions…its time to take action!  You won’t regret it!

*Project Rise Top 10 Book List (in no particular order):

• Love Does, Bob Goff
• The Go-Giver, Bob Burg, and John David Mann
• The Secret, Rhonda Byrne
• The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor
• The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg
• Positive Intelligence, Shirzad Chamine
• Win Forever, Pete Carroll
• David and Goliath, Malcolm Gladwell
• The One Thing, Gary Keller
• Unreasonable Hope, Chad Veach

MENTORSHIP

“Only two there are, a master and an apprentice”  – Yoda

George Lucas’ second installment of the Star Wars Universe – The Empire Strikes Back – brought us, in my opinion (along with the majority of die-hards) the best episode of the series. It also introduced us to one of the best mentors to dawn the silver screen…Master Yoda.  In order for Luke to conquer his fears, uncover talents he never knew he had, learn the ways of the Force, and discover his true destiny, he needed a mentor in the form of a three foot green dude with pointy ears.  Yoda pushed, challenged, encouraged, and molded Luke into a true hero.

Who is your Yoda?  Remember Project Rise is all about being INTENTIONAL with our actions to move from a lower position to a higher one.  Seeking to learn from individuals who are more experienced, seasoned, and accomplished than you is a vital piece of your development.

You can gain wisdom in one of two ways: by experience or by learning from others.  Which option seems more efficient?  Both are important.  Learning things the hard way definitely creates great life teaching moments, but for my time, money, and energy, learning from someone who has already been there done that, sounds like a pretty good idea to me.   

This approach is something I’ve implemented into my life and business planning for the past 3 years and let me just say, the results of this strategy have been very fruitful.  Luckily for me when I was hired by my current company, I was assigned an amazing trainer named Frankie Pretzel.  Frankie was a rockstar at work.  He was a top performer year in and year out.  I recognized that I wanted what he had…confidence, success, top earnings, all while balancing a wife and family.  That initial week I spent with him in the field, I couldn’t ask him enough questions.

My boy Frankie P. getting another award.

Frankie exposed me to the concept of the Law of Attraction and the power of positive thinking.  He also shared with me a list of books (motivational, self-help, and business books).  These books and his mentorship truly changed my life and for that I am so grateful.

After that experience, I made mentorship a competitive advantage for me.  5 months into my new role at a national meeting, I asked around, who was #1 in our division the year before? Once I learned who that was, I introduced myself at the airport before flying home to that person (one of my favorite people of all-time, Roseanne from Boston).  I introduced myself and said that I’d love to learn from you.  It wasn’t anything formal, but just a verbal understanding that I’d reach out to her a few times a month to learn what she has done and does to be a high achieving rep.  Rosie taught me so much that I could not have learned riding solo. 

Most people remember when they were new and were just getting started. You would be surprised how open they are to help.  I’m in my 3rd year in my sales role, and I’m onto my 3rd mentor.  These relationships have been tremendously rewarding for both parties involved.  This has been one of the best things I’ve done and I encourage you to make this part of your routine in being the best version of you.  My amazing mentors have pushed me to these accomplishments in a relatively short time:

• 2014 Rookie of the Year
• 2015 Top Performer Award
• Selected as a Sales Trainer

I could not have achieved these heights without my mentors. Here’s another thing, you don’t have to limit you mentors to just work…life mentors are vital as well.  So what’s holding you back?  Here are two potential roadblocks for you:

1. You are too prideful to seek mentorship
…….You either think you have everything figured out, or
…….You are too embarrassed to put yourself out there and ask someone to mentor you

Let me say that for those who bail on the idea of humbling themselves and seeking peer mentorship, need to get over it.  You are never too old or accomplished to learn from someone.  Execs and leaders of all levels have mentors.  We all can learn and get better, no matter our age, experience, or title.

2. You are worried you are bothering someone
…….You feel like people won’t have the time to help, or
…….You will be a nuisance

You are not asking someone to do your taxes for you; you are simply asking someone to talk to you on the phone for maybe 10 minutes twice a month.  My mentors lived in Atlanta, Boston, and Florida.  We just connected via phone twice a month to get started and whenever we needed to catch up and connect.  Trust me, people have enough time.  If someone says they are too busy, then whatever…they missed out on an amazing opportunity to learn from you.  There’s somebody better for you to gain wisdom from.  Go into it with a positive attitude and expect this relationship to be beneficial to both sides. 

Here’s my challenge…think of someone who has something you want; someone who you respect and admire; think of someone you believe you can learn from.  Ask them to be your mentor and see if you can check in with them over the phone and possibly occasionally for coffee or for lunch.  And just see what happens.  I believe you will reach your goals faster and on a grandeur scale by gaining wisdom and knowledge from someone who has already been there.  Go for it!  As Yoda would probably say, “A bright future you will have, if a mentor you choose.”  

We are coming down the home stretch with my series 30 Days of Gratitude and Service.  My next three posts I’ll cover the 3L’s: Learning, Listening, and Love.  I can’t wait!  Go dominate today!

DON’T BE PERFECT

“Never perfect, but never settled.” 

I love this quote.  This is from the 2015 reigning NBA MVP, Steph Curry.  This statement rings so true to me and speaks to some of the issues I’ve had to overcome and still work on each day.  I’m a bit of a perfectionist.  Thus, it pains me to say that I’m a little tardy on my 30 Days of Gratitude and Service posts.  I’m about a week and a half behind schedule.  Forgive me.  I need Steph’s quote right now just like the Golden State Warriors need his lights out 3-point shooting.  This quote hits the mark.  Arguable the best player in the NBA, Curry is reminding me to not let perfection get in the way of very good.  Do not let the thought of not being perfect be the reason why I quit or to take a long hiatus from finishing my blog series (or anything in life for that matter).  But he also says to not settle for average, mediocrity, or anything less than your best.  We are not defined by outcomes.  Sometimes I fall prey to that concept.  I’m working on judging myself not solely on wins or losses, but on my process and most importantly, my effort and attitude.  I’m learning that not being perfect is ok.

This is where some people give up though…when things don’t go as planned; the process or the outcome was not the same as the vision that you created when you started on the journey.  You failed, you missed your mark.  It was too hard or too scary.  Let me just say that writing this blog has not been easy.  I mentioned earlier in my post “Habits,” that I get annoyed when people glorify being “busy”…what’s another word for busy?…I’m looking this up right now…ah found it, actually a few words popped up: occupied, involved, hectic, engrossed (my favorite).

So, it takes me, I’ve calculated, about 1.5 hours per post.  Before I ever typed one word for this blog, I had already thought about content and even wrote down notes for this entire series.  However, additional research, proof reading, looking for the perfect picture, and sighting sources – some posts have taken much longer than 1.5 hours.  Though its been hard, it has been a therapeutic process for me to let myself open up and be vulnerable.  I’ve had to work on not worrying about if people aren’t going to like what I write, or if its not worded perfectly, or if each sentence structure is grammatically correct (did I mention my mom is an English teacher?).  I’m still working on this with my writing and how I live life.  I need to just let it go (where’s Elsa when I need her?…oh that’s right, she’s possessed my 2 year old daughter), be me, and not get wrapped up in what I ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE WILL THINK.  Hey, I’m a work in progress here.

Most people are forced to balance multiple commitments at a time…this is nothing new.  But,
 I’ve been juggling my commitment to this blog on top of managing a 5 state territory and traveling a lot (flying to Anchorage, Boise, Spokane, driving to Eugene and back in one day…that was a doozy), One entire week was spent training a new rep.  On top of that, the time I’m at home I want to be present and engaged with my kids and give my wife the QT she deserves.  Let me just say that its been hard…BUT, meaningful and rewarding.

I’ve received amazing messages via text, Facebook, and Instagram.  I’ve connected with people I haven’t talked to in a long time because a post has really helped them.  One of my most rewarding opportunities that has come from this blog was speaking to the Puyallup Foursquare Church Ministry Institute students on Thursday (this is actually the reason, I’m behind on posts, I was preparing for a lecture).  Being in front of over 80 college aged kids and sharing my message of gratitude and service made all the hard work worth it though.  Chatting with a few of these students and staff after my talk and hearing how impactful my message was, made all the extra hours, getting up at 5am some mornings, missing a few shows on TV at night, and skipping a few workouts, all for the sake of a blog and a message worth the hard work.

I need to invest in an iron (T. Wade photo cred).

My encouragement today is that life is not a straight line.  Things don’t always work out perfectly.  Do not put the burden of perfection on you.  The only person to walk this earth perfectly was Jesus.  When things get hard, dig in, have some grit, and keep going.  Keep your sight on your goals and go for it.  My supervisor when I worked in the WSU Athletic Department, John Johnson, used to say, “They said it would be hard, but they said it would be worth it.”

Don’t be perfect, but never be settled.  

I’m committed to finishing my series 30 Days of Gratitude and Service by next Monday (April 3rd).  If you have fallen short on a commitment, its time to get back on the horse and try again.  I opened with a b-ball quote, I’ll end with one too.  Michael Jordan once said, “I don’t fear failure, I fear not trying.”  I love you all.  I’m out.

RESILIENCE

resilient (adjective)

• (of a substance or object) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.
• (of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. synonyms: strong, tough, durable, stout, flexible, pliable 

Life is hard.  Life isn’t fair.  This sucks.  It’s not my fault.  Why did this happen to me? 

Have you ever felt that way?  Trust me I’ve been there, but there is a few things I believe to be true: 1. God loves us, 2. He loves us when times are good, and 3. He loves us when times are bad.  The moment Adam and Eve ate that apple, heaven on earth was no more.  From the Old Testament to New Testament, throughout history and in the future – bad things have happened and are still going to happen.  However, if we have a plan for when adversity strikes, we can walk side by side with HIM and come out the other side better, stronger, and smarter than before. 

The further you stretch a rubber band, the further it will go. We as people are not much different. During challenging times, there’s tension, struggle, and added pressure; but if you can withstand that period of change and turbulence, there’s no telling how far you can reach. But, just like pulling a rubber band back, we must be careful not to stretch so far that we break. There’s a fine balance between being pushed to the limit versus blindly going so far you snap. When you are going through times when you are pushed to the brink, know that you are never alone; you are loved; you are not defined by failure, and you will overcome.

So here’s the thing, if we fully understand that failure and challenges are going to come throughout our life, but we build for it, have a plan of attack when it comes, and we execute sound strategies and techniques – we will be properly equipped to learn much deeper, grow higher, and be able to bounce back much faster. With the perspective of GRACE, TRUST, FOCUS, and HOPE, obstacles can be used as building blocks, not road blocks in our life.

GRACE
In order to move forward, you must forgive.  Have grace for yourself when you fail, and forgive those who have done you wrong.  Mark 11:25 says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you.” Letting go of negative emotions and being intentional with your feelings will bring healing much faster.  Grace is not condoning, excusing, or pardoning wrongful behavior.  Research though as shown that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentment.

TRUST

A model in trusting God’s plan was Joseph (not Mary’s husband…though he was a trusting man marrying a pregnant virgin). The Old Testament Joseph was abandoned by his brothers, sold to slavery, was wrongfully sent to jail, and put through a 7 year famine. However, each step of the way, God improved Joseph’s position, finally making him second in command in all of Egypt, being Pharaoh’s right-hand man. Joseph trusted in God’s plan and never played the victim card and he was handsomely rewarded.

I’ve tried to apply this trust even at work. Being in sales, I hear no all the time. I’ll visit an account and I’m not allowed access; or the key person I wanted to talk to wasn’t there; or the main decision maker is just not interested. When moments like this happen, I tell myself, “This happened for a reason. I believe that there’s something better around the corner. I was told no, because the next account on my schedule needs me more right now and this timing needed to happen…because of this there is something BETTER out there for me.”

Let me just say that I understand that there are way more serious tragedies we face than this example, but no matter the hardship (loss, health issues, etc.), if we trust and believe that somehow our adversities will be used for GOOD; and that what we are going through and feeling is a SEASON, and will not last forever; we can GET THROUGH anything.

FOCUS

Once we approach hardships with trust, then we can start to work on the day to daytactical approaches to get through: 
1. The first step is to remember to focus on what you have and be grateful.  Dwelling on the past, your failures, or obsessing on your current hardship will get you know where.  Practicing positive thinking and being aware when negative thoughts are flooding your mind, you need to be able to “reset” and get your thoughts back on the right track.   
2. Talk to a friend or loved one. This is where your network of support comes in.  Remember, you are not alone.  We are all in this game of life together. 
3. The last step is to create a few goals that will help you get back on track.  Think about what you need to get done to feel better or achieve your goal – write it down.  By focusing on these positive things you need to do, you can use your energy to complete the necessary tasks to get you back where you need to go…one day at a time.  Channel your emotions and energy for productive purposes instead of self destructive thoughts and actions.  

HOPE

H.O.P.E. stand for: Hold On, Pain Ends.  You are not defined by your failure.  Don’t ever let a mistake or traumatic life event define who you are.  If you feel you are being judged by another person or my multiple people, just know that opinions are not facts.  Do not give other people that power.  You have the power to control how you view yourself…and that personal self image should be a positive one.  The most important day is not yesterday, but the next day.  Believe that the BEST IS YET TO COME.  The antidote to fear is hope.  Believe that God is in control, He’s got your back and you will come out of this better than before.  Utilize these experiences to learn and grow personally…YOU GOT THIS!    

In order for an egg to hatch and a chick to survive, there must be struggle.  In order for a diamond to form, there must be intense pressure and heat.  In order for us to grow and learn, we must overcome adversity and challenges.  When we have grace, trust, are focused, and live each day with hope, we can approach these trials from a different perspective – an opportunity to learn, improve, and be better than we were before.  Nobody tries to fail, but when it happens, we must never quit.  See below how my boy Abe used his failures as stepping stones for future success.

Check this video out of one of my all-time favorite characters – Rocky.  This is a very inspiring video…please watch!  Be blessed and enjoy the rest of the week!

HABITS

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle  

There are 168 hours in a week. If you take out work and sleep, that adds up to 100 hours (56 hours of sleep and 44 hours of work per week…you may be only getting 44 hours of sleep and working over 50 hours…but, you get the point).  This leaves you with 68 hours left.  That’s almost 3 days worth of time each week.  Listen, I know the common statements that come up about being busy – kids, activities, work related stuff that fills up your plate, etc.  My wife Kendra and I talk about this a lot, how so many people glorify the word BUSY.  Hey, everyone is busy!  You don’t get a special badge because you have a lot going on.  Can we think of a better word than the cliche response when asked,
“Hey, how are things going?”…the common response, “Busy, busy, busy.”

My question is this, what are you doing with your time?  What habits and routines have you formed with your 68 hours, good or bad? Are you maximizing each hour and each day?  Are you prioritizing the right things?

Charles Duhigg, a business reporter for the New York Times explains how people and even companies have achieved a great deal of success by altering habits.  Duhigg discusses this in his book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.  By design or sheer luck, these people have been tapping into a powerful psychological pattern called: the “habit loop,” which is a three part process. “First,” Duhigg says, “there’s a cue, which is kind of a trigger for an automatic behavior to start unfolding.  There’s a routine, which is the behavior itself…and then there’s a reward, which tells our brain whether we should store this habit for future use or not.”

If you are ready to make a change in your life, then that change requires you to create a new habit.  There are many different sources that make claims on how long it actually takes to form a new habit.  “A small dose of discipline develops into a long-lasting habit,” says Gary Keller, author of The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results.  Keller notes how researchers at the University College of London determined that it takes on average 66 days to acquire a new habit.  Depending on the type of habit you’re trying to build, some will require fewer days and some more, but the research showed that 66 day’s represents what they called the “sweet spot.”

If there is one thing you do today, please read this book summary for The One Thing.  It will take around 5 minutes to read, but the reward will be worth it.  The premise of the book focuses on this question, “What’s the ONE Thing you can do such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”  The whole entire book is based around that single question, and the power of organizing every area of your life around ONE Thing (per area).  Focusing on achieving this ONE Thing per day, will change your habits for the better.

————–

Mental Conditioning specialist, Trevor Moawad, was working with NFL running back Fred Taylor.  Taylor’s career was at a crossroads.  He was getting older, he had a recent string of injury ridden seasons, and his production on the field had declined.  This is where Moawad stepped in.  They closely examined what the Pro Bowl players and elite teammates on the Jacksonville Jaguars were doing that contributed to their success.  They were looking to find a commonality that Taylor could tap into.  They found a variety of factors that helped with performance, but the one thing that they found that the best players did was show up to the Jaguar facility 2 hours early each day (before meetings started).

Taylor for years, used to arrive at work right when he had to.  His new plan for that season, was to arrive at the Jaguars facility at 6am, which meant more time in the training room keeping his body healthy, more time watching film, extra reps in the weight room, and keeping a consistent habit and routine.  This one simple thing – showing up to work 2 hours early each day produced fantastic results.  Taylor had one of the best seasons of his career.  He stayed healthy all season and rushed for over 1,000 yards.  This One Thing helped make all the difference.

Just like Fred Taylor, its time to reassess your habits.  What are you doing with your 68 hours each week?  Action item:

1. What is one habit you’d like to quit?…now is the time to supplement that with a more productive habit.
2. Revisit your goals…short term and long term.
3. For the next 2 weeks, each day, make a list of what you need to get done, and prioritize it in numeric fashion.  What is the ONE Thing you need to accomplish to “win the day”?  Focus on making that happen and you will find that by adding up those daily wins, you will produce long term results and better habits!

Good luck, I know you can do it!  Just focus one day at a time.  Today is the day to form winning habits!  Check back in as I will continue my series 30 Days of Gratitude and Service by discussing how to handle failure by being resilient…we all get knocked down, the ones who win in life, know how to get back up.

BELIEVE PART II

Let me share about my experience with the Law of Attraction.  The basic premise of this concept is that thoughts become things.  Meaning, what we think about the most and believe will come true, often time does.  If you believe that good things will happen or bad things will happen, you are usually right.  Our brain is like a magnet.  What we are constantly thinking about, we often times attract in our lives.  God is in control of our lives and always has the final say, but He also gives us the freedom of free will, which includes how we think.

Some people are born with the advantage of consistently being a positive thinker and believing the best is yet to come, but the vast majority of us are not.  For many, including myself, this way of thinking is a learned skill.  When I switched companies almost two years ago, one of my colleagues shared with me the power that the Law of Attraction offers.  For one year, I read a plethora of books and articles on this topic and applied these teachings to my life.  I’ve created my own diagram on how to apply this way of of thinking (see below):

Law of Attraction Steps:

Step 1 – Be Grateful: In order to get into the right frame of mind, focus on all the things you are grateful for.  Those who are constantly bitter, stay bitter because they chose to focus on the wrong things.  Don’t be bitter – be better!  Being grateful is the first step in achieving your goal.

Step 2 – Feel Good: Being grateful helps turn our internal frequency into a positive one, which helps us feel good inside.  Feeling good sends out a frequency (much like a cell phone tower) that attracts more positive things.  Think about past positive experiences, laugh, smile, dance, or do something nice for someone.  Our mind is like a television, when you feel positive and happy emotions inside, you are taking control of what pictures show up on the screen.  You will set your internal television channel into a positive one that creates happy results. 

Step 3 – Set a Goal: This one is simple…what is it that you want to achieve?  First, focus on what you are thankful for, then focus on feeling emotions of joy and happiness.  These two steps will help you determine what it is that you truly want and set your internal frequency to a positive one, which will open yourself up to receive more positive things.  Once you’ve decided what your goal is, write it down somewhere and look at it everyday (If you haven’t, see my post on Goal Setting).

Step 4 – Visualize: Creative visualization is a mental technique that uses the imagination to create success and make dreams and goals come true.  Richard Bach once said, “To bring anything into your life, image that it is already there.”  When you spend time imagining in vivid detail the sights, sounds, and feelings of acting out your goal, the odds of it coming true drastically improve.  This is a technique used by successful athletes and business men and women all over the world.  Check this article out: 8 Successful People Who Use the Power of Visualization  

Step 5 – Believe: Whatever the mind can conceive and BELIEVE, it can achieve.  You must believe with all of your mind, body, and soul that you can achieve your goal.  Belief is the single most important step in turning your dreams into reality.  Anyone who has ever achieved anything of significance, first believed in themselves…YOU CAN DO IT!  BELIEVE IN YOURSELF or no one else will. 

Step 6 – Achieve: When you do these 5 steps, you will achieve your goal.  Remember that success doesn’t come overnight, but takes time and hard work as well.  Many people are looking for a quick fix.  However, when you apply this approach to your life and consistently practice these steps daily, you will see your life truly change.

X Factor: Serving and helping others magnifies what you attract in your life.  Love is the most powerful emotion in the world.  Serving and helping others is a close second.  When you live your life making love and service a main focus, you will attract deeper relationships, success, and true happiness…you will also receive more than you can ever imagine.

This approach helped my wife Kendra and I get our dream house, when it looked like it wasn’t possible.  This technique has helped me reach monthly and yearly goals at work never seen before from a 1 or 2 year sales rep.  My life and job satisfaction have never been better.  I hope you apply these Law of Attraction techniques in your life as well – and make your dreams a reality!

Exercise: Close your eyes, and visualize that you already possess or have achieved your dream.  Imagine what you are wearing, the people around you, where you are, how it feels, and the praise you are receiving for achieving your goal.  Believe with all your might that you can achieve this goal.  I can’t wait for you to apply this way of thinking to your life – and see what you WILL accomplish!

My next post I’ll review the importance of creating strong habits.  I hope you are enjoying and seeing the benefits of this journey 30 Days of Gratitude and Service!

BELIEVE PART I

“Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say…”
                                                                                    – Wentworth Miller

Andrew Carnegie, the leader in the expansion of the steel industry during the late 1800’s and early 1900’s understood the power of serving others.  He was the Bill Gates and Warren Buffett of his time.  In 1901, Carnegie sold his steel company for $480 million dollars (that’s $370 billion today), yet for nearly the last 20 years of his life, he had given 90% of his income away to charities, foundations, and universities.  He also did something possibly even more philanthropic.  During his booming years of pioneering the expansion of the steel industry, he recruited a young writer named Napoleon Hill to follow him and his wealthy business associates around and observe their behaviors.  Carnegie’s goal was to have Hill write a book to be shared with the world on what traits, habits, and thought processes that were practiced by the wealthiest and most successful people at that time in America.  He wanted to share this knowledge with the world to hopefully help others be the best version of themselves.

After studying these behaviors for 20 years, Hill was able to drill down to one common thread that these successful people possessed.  After capturing these observations, he wrote one of the best selling business books of all time (70 million copies sold world wide) entitled Think and Grow Rich. What was the common trait that these individuals had?…self belief.

Hill introduced a concept he called, “The Law of Success,” which is often called, “The Law of Attraction.”  The Law of Attraction has been written about and shared by many (see The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne or The Magic of Thinking Big, by David Schwartz).  It is the philosophy that what Hill famously said, “Whatever the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve.”  People who have unwavering conviction and belief in themselves, usually are the ones sitting on top of the food chain of life.  We all are going to hear “no” and sometimes fall flat on our face.  However, the ones that do not let these setbacks detract them, but continue to have unwavering faith in themselves, ultimately find success.

There are few athletes that exemplify the power of self belief more than Derek Jeter.  One can go on and on about his accomplishments – he’s a 5 time World Champion, clutch performer in the post season, and Yankee record holder in many categories, but there are 2 Jeter stories that I love the most that deal with self belief (gotta represent #2 for The Captain!).

When Jeter was a young boy in Kalamazoo Michigan, he always dreamt of playing shortstop for the Yankees.  He was so passionate and focused on his goal that he pinned a Yankees hat, jersey, and baseball pants up on his wall and looked at them every day for many years.  Despite being from a cold state that didn’t have the best track record of generating first round draft picks, Jeter truly believed and continually visualized himself as a Yankee.  Sure enough, his self confidence and belief paid off when he was selected with the 6th pick in the first round of the 1992 draft.  Jeter innately practiced the power of visualization during his youth.  While no one gave him a shot, he helped make his dream a reality by mentally picturing himself already accomplishing his goal.  

The other story I love about Jeter had nothing to do with an amazing clutch hit or game-saving play at shortstop.  It had to do with failure.  During his first full season in the Minor Leagues, Jeter set a record for the highest number of errors, a whopping 56!  Many scouts and even Yankee coaches considered moving him to the outfield.  But Jeter stuck with it; he didn’t waver in his confidence, he put in the work and got better and better each year, later winning 5 Gold Gloves in the Majors at shortstop.  

These 2 stories about Jeter teach us a few things:

1. Do not limit your dreams or goals…remember: Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve…I also love what Russell Wilson often says, “Why not us?”  I’ll ask a similar question…”Why not you?”  The “haves” versus the “have nots” often comes down to self belief.  You already have everything you need to be successful.  You just need to believe it!
2. The power of visualization is real.  When you consistently visualize yourself already achieving your goal – imagining yourself attaining what it is that you want – what you’re wearing, your exact location, the smells, the sounds around you, etc – you will greatly increase the likelihood of making your dream a reality.  Make this a daily habit of picturing in your mind already achieving your goal and what it will feel like.
3. Do not let failure detour you from your goal.  Learn from your mistakes.  You are not defined by your failure.  All successful people fail…some hundreds of times.  The difference between the ones who succeed vs. the ones who fail is only a matter of getting back up!  Thomas Edison once said, “I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,00 ways that won’t work.”

A goal without belief is like a car without an engine.  We can’t make goals and hope they happen.  We must take control of our life and MAKE THEM HAPPEN, through determination and conviction. Check back in as I delve deeper into the Law of Attraction and the power of belief, while sharing a few personal stories to help bring this concept to life.  Happy Friday!!!

CREATING PURPOSE THROUGH GOAL SETTING

Imagine going on a road trip without a map or GPS to guide you to your desired destination.  You would get lost and it would take you much longer to arrive to where you wanted to go (and probably several useless detours, and money wasted on extra gas).  Living life without goals is pretty much the same thing.  People who are not setting goals are living life without a GPS system.  When you set a clear measurable goal, you will create a vision for your life, purpose for your actions, and you will undoubtedly arrive at your desired destination.

There was an eye-popping study from Harvard that looked at the impact of writing down goals (from the book, What They Don’t Teach You in the Harvard Business School, by Mark McCormack).  Researchers followed Harvard MBA graduates 10 years after they graduated, and what they found was remarkable.

The study was simple, upon completing their degree, each graduate was asked this question:

“Have you set clear, written goals with your future and made plans to accomplish them?”

At the beginning of the study, the researchers found:

• 84% had no specific goals at all
• 13% had goals but they were not committed to paper
• 3% had clear, written goals and plans to accomplish them

10 years later they interviewed these graduates again, and the results were staggering:

• The 13% of the students who had goals were earning on average twice as much as the 84% who did not set goals.
•  The 3% who had clear, written goals were earning, 10 times as much as the other 97% put together.

Wow, right?!  Let’s put that into perspective… 97% were making on average $50K per year, and 3% (who were writing down goals) were making $500K per year… that makes things pretty obvious.  When you have a clear focus on what you want to accomplish and think about it everyday, the likelihood that you will achieve it significantly increases.  This approach helps you answer this important question each day: Is what I’m doing right now going to help me achieve my goal?  

This is your internal GPS (Goal Performance System)…similar to what you use when you drive, but this one is for your journey in life.  If the actions and habits you consistently perform daily are not helping you reach your goal, than you probably shouldn’t spend too much time with those tasks.  We all get side tracked every now and then, but those who write down their goals and focus on achieving them each day, are much more likely to stay on the path to success.

The first time I remember writing down my goals was going into my senior football season in high school.  I wrote down a team goal and a personal goal.  My goal was for our team to go to the state playoffs and that I would earn All-State honors.  I wrote these statements in a note card and taped it above my closet, so I’d look at it everyday before I got dressed.  So guess what happened?  Despite having a new coach, and losing the majority of our starters from the year before, we made it to the State Quarterfinals and I earned multiple All-State honors from several news outlets including the Seattle Times and Tacoma News Tribune.  It’s one thing to have a goal, but you really have to believe that you can achieve it that makes it powerful.  I remember visualizing our team playing in the state playoffs, and also seeing my name in the paper on the All-State Team often throughout that season.  I was so pumped when it actually happened. 

I’ve seen my sales career greatly benefit from writing down my goals.  For the past 2 years (since I changed companies), I have really made this aspect of my business planning a big deal.  Each year, I write down how much money I want to make, what place in the rankings I want to finish, and how many customer orders I want to receive (monthly and for the year).  This formula has put me up on stage at our last two National Sales Meetings including a Rookie of the Year Award in 2014  and a Top Performer Award in 2015.  I’ve made more income than I’ve ever made in my life and I truly feel like my lens and perspective on what I need to accomplish each day is more clear then ever.

We can apply goal setting in our lives in more areas than just work or athletics…our marriage/relationships, parenting, our friendships, volunteering, and our hobbies all could benefit from writing down goals and looking at them each day.  So my challenge for you today during this 30 Days of Gratitude and Service is to write down 3 goals:

• Monthly goal
• Year goal
• A long term goal (at least 3-10 years out)

Write it down somewhere that you can look at it everyday.  This vision and road map will give you the direction and focus you need to be the best version of yourself and accomplish your dreams.  Good luck…I know you can do it!!!

TIP: Use this SMART format when writing down your goals.  Check back in for my next post on the power that belief and visualization has on making your goals a reality!

POSITIVE THINKING

I love the parable about the two wolves constantly fighting in our mind.  One wolf is fear, anger, resentment, and self-doubt.  The other wolf is love, grace, optimism, and hope. It’s not the wolf who is stronger or more powerful that wins, it’s the one you feed the most.  The more you give into your negative thoughts, the stronger they become.  What I’ve experienced in my life is that one small negative thought turns into a big unstoppable force that holds us back from reaching our true potential. However, one positive thought has the power to change everything and grow into an unstoppable force of good.

Often times how we view a situation or even ourselves comes from our perception.  Depending on your self-talk, your perception can be accurate or way off.  I used to be unreasonably harsh on myself (in sports, academics, and pretty much everything else) and would jump to the wrong conclusions based on past failures or at times when I didn’t perform at an unrealistic standard that I had set for myself. I feared future outcomes because I would allow my mind to relive past mistakes and spent my time worrying about people’s reaction or opinion of me.

I was at a football camp my junior year of high school and during practice, dropped THREE deep balls in a row. Not only was it frustrating & embarrassing, but it shaped the way I would play football for the next 6 years. Every time I thought about going deep for a pass, that image of dropping that ball would flash in my mind. My fear of failing again (entirely based on a fluke practice, years in the past) was so much deeper than my belief in my abilities. It wasn’t until after my college career that I felt confident enough to attempt a deep catch without reservation. This was entirely based on my negative thoughts invading my mind – I had no idea how much these thoughts controlled my mind & my body.

After spending time reading about & practicing positive thinking, I learned that it takes practice, self awareness, and is actually a learned skill. Just like I mentioned earlier that being grateful is a choice, having a positive outlook is also a choice.

Try to avoid these ways of thinking:

• “Black and white thinking” – no shades of gray or believing that you have to be perfect or not at all.

• Avoid “personalizing” – making assumptions that you are personally to blame for anything that goes wrong and that every move you make will disappoint someone.

• Avoid “catastrophizing” – this is when you assume the worse possible outcome will happen.

Use these techniques instead:

• Give yourself time to practice positive thinking – Rome wasn’t built in a day and these habits take time and effort

• Do activities that make you happy (listen to an uplifting song, talk to a friend, think of a loved one, wear clothes that make you feel good, and my favorite – work out!)

• Surround yourself with positive people

• Set meaningful goals

• Create a “mantra” word that helps you remember to get your mind back on track to positive thoughts.

Identify your automatic negative thoughts and intentionally shift those thoughts to positive ones.  For example: “I have a presentation tomorrow, I’m going to be horrible.”  Instead, pull from positive past experiences and times that you were successful.  Hold onto those memories and visualize yourself doing well.  I learned to create a “mantra” word that triggers my brain to refocus and think positively when an automatic negative thought pops into my mind.  It can be an acronym or a phrase you like that motivates you to be your best and helps you remember that “you can do it!”  Below are some examples of mantra words I’ve used:

• A.C.E. (Attitude, Concentration, Effort)

• Go Deep!

• I.T.M. (I’m The Man!)

• BE GREAT (Believe, Elevate others…Goals, Resilience, Effort, Attitude, Thankful)

Also, try to minimize external influences that stimulate your negativity.  Eliminate negative people, music, television, movies, or things that put you into a negative frame of mind. 

Take a look at this Thought Diagram I created.  Our thought life is made up of 4 quadrants (think back to when you used to play 4-Square at recess).  

The upper half of this diagram represents positive thoughts and the lower half are negative thoughts.  The left half represents the past, while the right side represents the future.  Try to focus your thoughts on the upper half of the diagram.  When you feel an automated negative thought come on, revert to past experiences of success and times of joy to get you out of that rut (a good best practice is to have several on the ready for when negative thoughts attack).  Make sure that you are consistently recognizing what you are grateful for, while expecting good things to come and visualizing success.  These thoughts are found in the upper right quadrant.  We should be spending 20% of our thought life in the upper left and 80% in the upper right section.  If you can practice these thought habits, you’ll be well on your way to a better you!

TIP: Look into the book StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath. All too often, our natural talents go untapped and we devote more time fixing our shortcomings than developing our strengths.  To help you uncover your talents, this book and online assessment will help you discover your top 5 talents and focus on those gifts to the fullest.  This book might change the way you look at yourself and the world around you.

Hope you enjoy your week and begin to improve your thoughts to positive ones.  My next post will focus on the power of goal setting.  Talk to you soon!

FEAR

What are you afraid of that is holding you back? What are you avoiding? Let’s face it, we all have fears – they’re natural & normal. Even the most successful people in their respective professions feel moments of anxiety and stress. Jerry Rice, the greatest wide receiver of all time, said that he felt fear before every football game. Grammy winner and multi-platinum selling artist, Adele, suffers from stage fright before every single performance. We all have moments of fear; the difference is who has the courage to face it?

For many, fear is debilitating, crippling, and paralyzing.  Depression and anxiety are draining the life out of millions of people each day. If we change our mindset and look at fear and stress from a different perspective, maybe we can learn to control some of our anxieties.

The emotion of fear is a needed response in times of crisis and danger.  The fight or flight switch in our brain keeps us out of trouble when something dangerous comes our way.  We become more alert, our heart beat increases, more oxygen is pumped through our veins, and adrenaline kicks in. These body responses are great if you are trying to avoid being hit by a car, but they can be to our demise when our physical safety IS NOT in danger.  Our mind can be our biggest strength, but also our biggest enemy.  We create moments of crisis in our minds that bring out these fight or flight emotions to avoid embarrassment and failure.  But if we can recognize that fear is often times a fake and a liar, then we can start to overcome these life-sucking thoughts and feelings.   

Fear is darkness.  In order to defeat darkness, we must shed light on our fears.  How do we let light conquer dark?  TELL SOMEONE!  Have the courage to be vulnerable and share with someone your fear.  Trust me, you are not alone.  Every single person on this planet deals with some form of anxiety, fear, and even depression at some point in their life.  No one is perfect.  Stop living your life thinking that you have to be perfect…you don’t.  We all have our own form of baggage.  Do not fear judgement.  Know that you are made uniquely special and that you are loved by more people than you probably even know.

Let me shed light on my darkness, my fear.  6th grade was the year that I recognized that I had a slight stutter or stammer.  It was something small that I let grow into something big – as if when I became self-aware, I let my mind make it a bigger deal than it was.  Many people might have had no idea that I worried about this, but those in my inner circle noticed.  It got to a point my sophomore year in high school, that I was so afraid of messing up on a word, that I avoided reading out loud in class at all costs.  That same year I had a semester of Speech class, where we were graded on our public speaking.  The night before each speech, I felt like Jesus the night before he was crucified, praying, “God, please take this cup from me,” where he was sweating blood out of his forehead. I would get through my speeches, but it was painful, I’d avoid certain words, and I often times stumbled over myself.  It was embarrassing and I felt ashamed.  I didn’t talk to anyone about it; I just wore that burden and kept it all inside.  I didn’t seek help or let anyone know what I was going through…have you ever been through something similar, where you avoided telling someone you were hurting?

So, most of my adolescent and young adult life my biggest fear was public speaking.  I was comfortable talking to others one on one, but it would be a cold day in hell before I agreed to speak in front of a crowd. It wasn’t until one fateful day at the Denver airport about to fly home from my uncle’s wedding when my parents sat me down (I was 26 at the time), and said, “Collin, we think you could benefit from speech therapy.”  I thought to myself, “Oh my God, is it that bad?”  I felt embarrassed and ashamed…but why?  Isn’t that what parents and other loved ones in our lives are for? I reluctantly enrolled in speech therapy.  It was uncomfortable.  It was humbling.  It was scary.  But it was the best thing I ever did.  After going to speech therapy once a week for 3 months, I had made drastic improvements in my speech, which boosted my confidence and shook down my anxieties, though I wasn’t completely done.

They say “Our greatest promise lies within our greatest pain.”  I continued to face my fear and starting going to Toastmasters (a club for people who practice public speaking in a group) weekly and was speaking with greater ease and more confidence each time.  Through a lot of practice and repetition, I became more and more confident and was loving my new found comfort speaking in formal situations. I faced my dragon and felt joy and rest in my soul.

Today, I seek out opportunities to speak in front of large groups.  In my current medical device sales position, I’m also a trainer for the westcoast.  If you would have told me 10 years ago, that I’d be presenting our new sales strategy to the entire sales force at a national sales meeting, I’d say no way!  I’ve accepted the fact that I do not have to be perfect to be effective.  If I mess up, people will not view me as a failure, but as human.  I have learned that the more I avoid speaking situations, the bigger hole I dig for myself and my confidence begins to sink.  However, the more I practice and create opportunities to present, the better I become. 

Remember, our greatest promise lies within our greatest pain…if you do what you fear the most, there is nothing you cannot do.  I find my deepest satisfaction and happiness when I do what I used to fear the most – speaking in public.  I still feel a few nerves and my heart beats fast like it used to before I present, but I’ve learned to speak positive thoughts to myself and not avoid, but ATTACK what I once feared the most.

So let me ask again, what do you fear?  What is holding you back from being the best version of yourself?  My challenge today is that you tell someone what is causing you anxiety and fear.  Shed light on your darkness.  You are not alone.  You have people who love you and are here to help you.  Seek professional help if needed.  TALK TO SOMEONE!  Create a plan to overcome your fear.  Do not sit.  Take action and control of your life, do not let fear control you.

We discussed in earlier posts about the power of gratitude and service.  Facing your fears is the next step to becoming the best version of you.  Check back later this week as I discuss the tools needed to conquer fear – Positive thinking and practicing positive self-talk.  Have a blessed day…in the end, know that you are made perfectly just the way you are and that God loves you!  You can do this!

SEEK TO SERVE

“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” – Matthew 20:16

In my previous post I discussed the power of gratitude and how having an attitude of gratitude shifts our mindset to focus on the good things we have in our life vs. the bad.  Making gratitude the foundation of building a new you is essential to sustaining happiness and success.  If gratitude is our foundation then SERVICE is the roof that we should live our lives under.

According to Stephen G. Post, professor of preventative medicine at Stony Brook University in New York and author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping, a part of our brain sends out feel good chemicals like dopamine, and possibly serotonin. These chemicals help us feel joy and delight, a “helper’s high.”  A common reaction is that “some people feel more tranquil, peaceful, serene; others, warmer and more trusting.”

Kathy Gottberg, author and writer at SmartLiving365.com adds, “When we volunteer we often give ourselves deeper purpose and meaning and that nearly always leads to greater happiness.  Gottberg lists 7 advantages to serving and helping others:
1. More happiness
2. Reduce stress
3. Relief from pain
4. Longer lifespan
5. Lower blood pressure
6. Reduce mild depression
7. Benefit your career (The Go-Giver, by Bob Berg & John David Mann is worth a read for this category)

Leslie Goldman, contributor to the Huffington Post agrees, “Practicing philanthropy is one of the surest steps you can take toward a happy, healthy life.”  When you help a friend move, help jump someone’s car, donate to a charity, or serve food at a homeless shelter, the reward center in your brain goes to work and you start to feel good.  In fact, one study found that people who completed five small acts of kindness one day a week (reading to elderly, volunteering at church, or buying someone’s lunch) for six weeks experienced a significant boost in overall feelings of well being.  However, research shows there is a threshold of giving needed to reach before it has an impact, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside,  “Those who spread their goodwill over the course of a week showed no such boost.”  Lyubomirsky concluded, “Each action has a cumulative effect.  The more nice things you do, the more people will respond positively toward you, and the better you feel.”

Do this exercise with me, extend your hand out with your pointer finger pointing outward…like this:

I call this the “G3 Law.”  For every one genuine act of kindness, service, and generosity you give, you will be blessed 3 times over.  The pointer finger represents one external act of kindness, while the three fingers pointing back at you represent the abundance of blessings you will receive 3 times greater than your one single act.  

The Bible says, “Your treasure is where your heart is,” (Matthew 6:21).  Thus, if your heart isn’t in the right place, you won’t see the benefits.  Dr. Michael Poulin assistant professor of psychology at the University Buffalo says, “Helping appears to only be good for you if you really care about those you’re helping.”  Kathy Gottberg’s blog SmartLiving365 agrees, “Feeling resentment or obligation will erase the benefits that we might otherwise receive in both our emotions and our physiology.  If you feel exploited in any way, it is better not to take the action than stress yourself out doing something for the wrong person.”  

The Bible supports this approach of service, but only if your helping comes from a sincere place.  2 Corinthians 9:6-7 says, “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.  Each one must give as he has decided on his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God blesses a cheerful giver.”  In the end, God knows our heart.  Serve, help, and be generous…your health, happiness, and wealth depends on it!

30 Days of Gratitude and Service Challenge:
Along with writing down what you are thankful for and telling someone why you are thankful for them each day…for the next 30 days:

1. Go above and beyond to serve and help others.  Do at least one random act of kindness to help someone each day.

2. Each One Reach One: Pick one person for the next 30 days that you can pour into, mentor, and serve.  Maybe this is someone in your life that could use some company, a friend, might need financial help, our could benefit from a positive influence in their life.

Quality is better than quantity.  If we all can pour into one individual and help them get to a better place (and they learn the power of service and helping another person)…imagine how much better our community and world will be.

Check out these articles on the power of service.  They are quick and easy reads and the payoff is substantial.  Hope you all have a great week!  Remember…SEEK TO SERVE!

Volunteering: 7 Big Reasons Why Serving Others Serves Us

4 Amazing Health Benefits Of Helping Others

Check back this week as we continue my series, 30 Days of Gratitude and Service.  I’ll discuss the role that FEAR plays as a roadblock of becoming the best version of yourself.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life.  Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things.  –The Secret

Gratitude is closely related to the energy of creation.  When we focus on gratitude, everything positive begins to grow and expand.  –The Gratitude Experiment

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you” that would be enough. -Meister Eckhart

It is not happy people who are thankful…it is thankful people who are happy.  If you focus on gratitude, your life will shift.  Many people do not understand that gratitude is not a feeling just created by circumstance, privilege, or luck – being grateful is a CHOICE!  We all go through adversity and times of turbulence, but focusing on all the blessings you have will bring you out of those places faster than feeling bitter, angry, and resentful.    

Joshua Rosenthal from the Huffington Post sums it up well, “Gratitude is the practice of noticing and appreciating the positives in the world – particularly in your own personal world.”  Living with an “attitude of gratitude” has even been linked to better sleep, deeper relationships, less anxiety, and even better health.  Sounds simple, but why don’t we all make this a ritual we perform each day?  We need to be intentional and make gratitude a habit. Building our life on the foundation of gratitude is the ignition that starts our car that will drive us to our destination of true happiness.  Let me say it again, everything starts by giving thanks and relishing in what you have.

Many people believe that they need to achieve success first and then they will find happiness.  Land that job; find that spouse, get that promotion, make that MONEY!  Harvard researchers, including Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage, found that this paradigm is actually false.  Through researching thousands of people, Anchor and colleagues found that when happiness and gratitude come first…success arrives much faster and is sustained much longer than the latter.

I’ve had the privilege to listen to Shawn Anchor live…he’s very funny and VERY HAPPY

I’ve tried to put this mindset into play each day and its been life changing.  Everyday I wake up, even before I open my eyes, I spend 1 to 2 minutes thanking God for all the many blessings I have in my life.  When I wake up and get ready in the morning, I spend time thinking about all the amazing things I have to be thankful for – my family, my health, my job, my house, etc.  I encourage you to try this, and make it one of your daily habits for the next 30 days.  This small practice has transformed my view of the world, and helped me see all the beauty around me – I hope you see the same. 

30 Days of Gratitude and Service daily practice…for the next 30 days,  do these two things everyday:

1.       Create a “Thankful Journal” and write down what you are thankful for and why (use your notes section in your phone or use a paper journal)

2.       Tell someone how thankful you are for them in person, via phone, text, email, Facebook, etc.

Once you make this a daily habit, you are well on your way to rising to a higher level of satisfaction, excitement for life, and most importantly, happiness.

In everything, give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18  

Come back later this week – I’ll be diving into service.