Q & A: Volleyball National Champion MVP Christal Engle

In this Master Your Mindset Q & A series, you’ll read interviews from top performers who have inspired me in various sports. I selected individuals who were able to maximize every ounce of talent to do the extraordinary. Their ability to overcome adversity, consistently compete at a high level, and be an outstanding teammate are why they were chosen. Use their answers and experiences to help take your game to a higher level, as well as to gain perspective.

Christal (Morrison) Engle

• Professional beach volleyball player

• 2005 NCAA National Champion, University of Washington

• 2005 NCAA National Championship MVP

• Four-time All-American

CH: What is your proudest accomplishment as an athlete?

CE: Winning the Division I Women's Volleyball NCAA 2005 National Championship was by far my proudest accomplishment as an athlete. It was such an amazing journey to get to that point, and the moment you realize that your team had just accomplished what we had set out to do is a feeling that very few can experience...it is indescribable.

CH: What's the most important lesson you learned as an athlete that you have carried over into life? Please explain.

CE: BALANCE. This is the main part of my personal philosophy. As an athlete there are so many things we are expected to do. The ONLY time that I felt like I was performing at my best in all of the areas I was expected to was because I was living a balanced life. I believe that performance is hindered when you are only focused on one area of your life, but if you find a healthy balance between spiritual, emotional, and physical things, you will become the best YOU!

CH: Who was your role model? What did they teach you?

CE: I really looked up to my head coach at UW, Jim McLaughlin. He was not only a coach, but a mentor and a teacher. He understood that not every athlete should be coached exactly the same. Some athletes react positively to getting yelled at, and some athletes react very poorly to getting yelled at. He knew exactly how to get the best out of every individual on the team. He was also extremely focused and dedicated to the ultimate goal (the national championship) and his approach and preparation every day ultimately got us to that point multiple times.

CH: What was your favorite failure? What did you learn, and how did you overcome?

CE: I think as I progressed in my career and decided to go play beach volleyball professionally, that entire decision made me feel like a failure. As soon as I stepped on the sand I felt like I had never played the game of volleyball before. The beach game is so incredibly different from the indoor game, and I went from being very successful at indoor, to being at the bottom of the pool with beach.

It took a few years before I was able to feel like I belonged, and it took all of my energy and time to get to that point. I learned that when you put yourself out there, move a few thousand miles away from home, and try to do something that very few can do…it is daunting and scary but it is so worth it. It is worth every up and down along the way.

CH: Describe a moment when you were in a flow state (a.k.a., “in the zone”). What did it feel like?

CE: I remember playing April Ross and Jen Kessy at the Salt Lake City AVP Open. Jen and April had just won the silver medal in the London Olympics and were the best team in the world. My partner and I had put together two big wins before reaching them in the quarter finals, and I remember feeling like I couldn't do anything wrong. I remember feeling like I was in the right place at the right time, every time and making the perfect "reads" on everything. It wasn't until after we had won the match that I realized I was in a flow state and it was so fun to feel that level of performance especially against the best team in the world.

CH: What routines did you consistently perform during the day of competition to get yourself ready to play?

CE: Routines, rituals or habits…whatever you want to call them are essential to success. I had routines throughout my entire day. From the order of how I did things in the morning, to what I ate for lunch, and how I put on my gear for practice. The most important routine I performed to prepare for competition was my warm-up. It was EXACTLY the same EVERY time. My warm-up routine calmed my thoughts, and made even the biggest games feel like it was just another match.

CH: How often would you feel pressure and stressed? Where there any triggers?

CE: I always got butterflies before a game, whether it was a pre-season game or the Pac-12 Championship. I think the biggest trigger for stress was unforced errors I made. I had to learn how to get my heart rate back down and focus ONLY on what I could control and nothing else around me (as strange as that sounds with a team sport).

CH: Explain what your self-talk and internal dialogue was like after you made a mistake.

CE: I always brought it back to a process of what needed to happen and only focus on the first thing. In volleyball you can't do anything unless you pass the ball first. I also hyper-focused on my mechanics. I think focusing on how your body is moving rather than the outcome ultimately helps in the long run. I would talk myself through my mechanics over and over and over.

CH: What would you do to increase your confidence?

CE: I hate to say this, but I would say things to myself like, "Serve me the ball again b---h, because I'm the mother f-----g best passer in this gym" (ha ha). I never let it be known or vocalized it, but I performed at my best when I thought I was the best. 

CH: What was your why? What drove you to be a top performer?

CE: For me it was all about improvement. How good could I be? With our system at UW, everything we did was quantitated, so I knew exactly what level I was performing at. It was so incredibly fun for me to try and improve my numbers every day and reach specific percentages in practice. Every facet of the game was in itself another game for me. I was addicted to getting better.

CH: If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?

CE: I would tell my younger self to enjoy the journey a little bit more. I don't think I understood "balance" until after I made the move to beach volleyball. Although it takes so much sacrifice and focused energy to become the best, I also think that living a balanced life is key for success.

Thank you for reading! To gain more insights and tools to win the inner-game, Master Your Mindset the book is launching on June 23. PRE-ORDER HERE and receive a free video on Self-Confidence 101 and an e-book for coaches and parents called Positive Parenting. 

Pre-order Master Your Mindset and the Flow Journal today and take your mental game to the next level! Link HERE: MYM PRE-ORDER

MY 30 SECOND PHONE ADDICTION HACK

While walking through the airport the other day, I made a startling observation—whether I was standing in line to check my bags, walking to my terminal, waiting in line to get a bottled water, or sitting at my gate—nearly everyone was on their phone. I call these individuals phone zombies: walking or sitting with their head down, checked out, and senselessly in another world. I’m often guilty of being a phone zombie as well (just ask my wife). 

Does this scene look familiar?

I’m trying to change this. 

Over a decade has passed since the release of the smartphone. No doubt these devices have helped streamline our lives into one simple operating system: our calendar, search engine, camera, main source of email, texting, GPS, Uber, TV, Netflix, video games, radio, and finding food or finding a date—the world is literally at our fingertips 24/7. 

With the explosion of social media apps, every moment of down time it seems is filled with checking our likes, comments, views, and keeping up with the Joneses. 

The new “reality TV” is watching YouTube, SnapChat and Instagram stories all day long (you can still get your fix of the Kardashians on Snap and Insta as well). While all of these features make life easier— including desperate times like keeping your kids quiet while eating at the Cheesecake Factory—this frequent phone checking habit has been shown to be as addictive as alcohol or drugs. The happy chemical dopamine is released, and we crave this neurological sensation every time we search, swipe, and tap.

However, there is a blind spot within our internal Air Traffic Control.

A 1998 study found that the more time people spent on the Internet, the more stressed, depressed, and lonely they felt. Not much has changed in nearly 20 years. A recent New York Times study showed that college students who spend more time on the Internet/Social Media are more depressed and anxious versus those who spend less time.
How many times have you said, or heard your significant other say, “Please put your phone away.” 

I’m 100% guilty of this. 

I need to spend less time on my phone, and more time on this…oh and baby number 4 is coming soon!

The world could use less screen time and more of the original face time. You know, the one without your phone. 

I’ve been on a recent kick to increase my mindfulness muscle by studying the positive effects of mono-tasking. I’ve discovered the power of living in the NOW, through putting my phone down, focusing on my breath, and listening to my thoughts. These simple actions are just too powerful to not apply. From better relationships, sleep, less stress, improved memory, and a healthier mind, body, and spirit—I’ve seen positive results while practicing a new technique when I get seduced by the Apple (iPhone). 

If you are like me and trying to break the habit of constantly checking your phone, I offer a system that I created called BREATH. It’s based on the game-changing positive psychology finding of what Dr. Heidi Grant from Columbia University calls an “if-then plan.” Meaning, you create a predetermined plan to substitute a bad habit with a more productive one. For example, if X happens, then I’ll do Y. 

If-then plans have been proven to increase the likelihood of breaking a bad habit by nearly 300 percent!

Discover the power of NOW

When I get the urge to check my phone during the many idle moments throughout the day, I’ll practice the BREATH technique. Here it is:

B – Breathe
R – Release
E – Explore
A – Affirm
T – Thankful
H – Hope

BREATHE
When I have a break in the action—in my car, on the couch, or standing in a line, instead of checking my likes and emails, I’ll focus my attention on my breathing. I’ll take one to three deep breaths in through my nose, and out through my mouth. This simple act refocuses my energy, and changes my physiology (and urge open my phone). Trust me, the emails can wait. 

RELEASE
With each exhale, I release any tension or tightness in my body. I do a quick body scan, and relax my tense shoulders and tight butt cheeks (what can I say, I love leg days at the gym). As I continue to exhale, I release any negativity or unproductive thoughts that I’ve been stressing over. 

EXPLORE
In this relaxed state, I allow my mind to wander wherever it wants to go. I try to let my subconscious brain take over. The goal is to explore how I can make the day better for myself and for others. 

AFFIRM
You don’t need permission from anyone to be great. Instead of relying on likes, comments, or views to improve my self confidence, I give myself a few words of affirmation. Plato once said, “The first and greatest victory is over self.” Self love is sometimes the hardest one to give. By practicing positive self talk, I use this time to focus on my strengths, and get less consumed by my blemishes and shortcomings (which is an easy trap to fall into using social media—even for a husband and father of three like me).

THANKFUL
I’ll use this time of mindfulness to run through my gratitude checklist. I’ll visualize and feel the many blessings in my life that I’m thankful for—my wife, my kids, my health, and my career. This act of gratitude might be the most powerful step of all. 

HOPE
1 Corinthians offers the trinity of transformation: faith, HOPE, and love. I conclude my quiet me-time with a quick prayer of hope for my goals and for those I love. I see my goals as if they’re already done. I often leave this meditative state in a place of flow: completely present in the now—with myself and a larger force more powerful than me. 

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When I complete my BREATH exercise, I end up feeling more satisfaction exploring my subconscious and soul than I ever would exploring all my iPhone apps. 

Let me clarify, I’m not against smartphones. Due to work, being married, having kids, and having loving social relationships, my iPhone allows me to see and do things with much more convenience. However, I’m just trying to practice more self-care and invest more into my mental health than I am in my profile…which often times it is hard while producing a lot of creative content.

So the next time you get the urge to grab your phone while stuck in traffic, at Starbucks, having down time at home, or are at the airport, try to check-out, by checking-in to your BREATH. 

If you use this technique just three times a day, you’ll boost your inner battery, which needs a recharge, just as much as your smartphone. 

I created a free iPhone background as a visual queue for you guys – a way to remind yourself to follow these steps when you naturally would unlock your phone. 

You can download the background HERE. 

How to make this your background if you’re not familiar: Open this image, save to your phone by holding your finger down on the image until a menu pops up. Select “Save Image” – the image will now be saved in your photo album. From there, you can set as your wallpaper by selecting the image, tapping the lower left hand box with the arrow in it, and choosing the “Use as Wallpaper” option. 

Collin Henderson founded Project Rise to inspire individuals and teams to be the best version of themselves.

4 TRADITIONS WE DO TO IMPROVE OUR KID’S MANNERS AND CONFIDENCE

If you are a parent and have young children, here are two concepts to consider.

“Some habits are more important than others – the right habits have the power to transform your life.”

— Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit 

“The type of emotional support that a child receives during the first three and a half years has an effect on education, social life and romantic relationships even 20 or 30 years later.”

— K. Lee Raby, Lead author of a study published in the journal: Child Development

Being a student of positive psychology, having a deep curiosity in human performance, and being a devoted father of three children 5 years and under, I’d like to share four simple activities that we do as a family in the attempt to shape their confidence, manners, and well being.

Baylor (5), Winnie (1), Bellamy (3)

By no means do Kendra and I have everything figured out as parents – trust me, we fail a lot (is Mickey Mouse a legal babysitter?). Nor are our children perfect angels. We have our fair share of tantrums and timeouts. However, with the aim to guide our kids to be their best self, I’m going to share a few family rituals centered around what are called keystone habits. 

A keystone habit can spark chain reactions that help other good habits take hold. 

Below are four keystone habits that Kendra and I hope will set off a cascade of more good for Baylor, Bellamy, Winnie, and baby number four coming next month (prayers for sanity and sleep are welcome!).

1. Eat Meals Together As a Family

Eating together as a family around the table – especially dinner – may seem small, but has a huge impact.

As Duhigg writes in his book The Power of Habit, “Families who habitually eat dinner together seem to raise children with better homework skills, higher grades, greater emotional control, and more confidence.”

We make it a point to sit down together, put our phones away, turn the TV off, and pretend like it’s the 1950’s and talk. We 100% make this a consistent routine. Kendra cooks one meal for everyone – even our 1.5 year old Winnie is expected to eat what is served. No one can leave the table without asking permission to be excused.

This nightly habit helps our kids to learn patience, discipline, and to expand their palate. These skills will serve them as they are older and this definitely pays off when we eat outside our house or at a dinner date (packing different food for the kids is too much work for us!). 

2. Thank You Cheer

One of Kendra and my non-negotiables as parents is to raise our little Hens with manners. The two pillars of having sound manners are these two phrases: Please and Thank You. 
A fun way we model and encourage this behavior is what we call the Thank You Cheer. While we are sitting down together as a family and our meal is served, whichever parent didn’t prepare the food (which 95% of the time is me) leads this group activity of thankfulness. 

This cheer was inspired by the “team breaks” I used to do as an athlete. After practice, we used to all put our hands in the middle of the huddle and all yell out the same word or phrase in unison.

When we are all sitting around the table as a family, we can’t put our hands together as a group (#shortarms #can’treach). Thus, each person puts one hand on top of their other hand – which signals they are ready to begin the cheer. Once all hands are in the correct position, on the count of three, we all lift our hands in the air and yell, “Thanks Mom (or Dad)!” 

This is a simple and fun interactive game that uses movement to practice the winning habit of simply saying, “thank you.” Often times if I forget, either Baylor or Bellamy will put their hands on top of each other to signal the Thank You Cheer. Gotta love the accountability! 

This is a fact that I know to be true: manners go a long way…especially saying these powerful words daily, “Thank you.”

3. Praying Out Loud Before We Eat

Bella is our resident prayer expert. She starts every prayer with, “Dear Jesus, we pray for our life…”

Public speaking was a big fear of mine in my teens and as a young adult. I wasn’t alone with this trepidation. National surveys show that more people fear giving a formal speech then death. 

Knowing this, we’ve tried to help our kids practice public speaking at a young age – even as simple as praying out loud. 

I usually lead our family in prayer, but several times a week (and now it seems almost daily) we let Baylor and Bellamy take turns praying out loud before we eat. We’ve noticed over time that both have improved in choosing their words and speaking with more confidence. Bellamy is more of a natural and will even volunteer to pray when we have guests over (this makes me a proud daddy), but Baylor has made great strides as well. Months before, he wouldn’t even participate, but after much practice, he now volunteers. 

This routine serves three purposes: 

• It helps our kids establish a pattern of giving thanks
• They get a microdose of public speaking practice
• This encourages them to connect spiritually

We believe these are all great habits that one can’t enough of. 

4. Happy Breakfast/Super Excited Dinner

Henderson baby #4 coming soon!

One weekend this winter, our entire house got hit with the Black Plague. It started with me and I passed this gift of death to our whole family. It was nasty. I mean, stuff was coming out of every orifice. 

This was Baylor’s first time throwing up and it really triggered what we call “Mr. Worry.” That experience was quite traumatic for him and he often would worry that it would come back again. 

The fear of getting sick even impacted his confidence and desire of going to school.  Because of this we had several tearful dropoffs. Especially when he overheard his teacher discussing with a parent about a student being sick. On this day, Kendra even had to come pick him up. 
Recognizing this pattern, Kendra and I have developed several strategies to quiet Mr. Worry. One of these techniques is called Happy Breakfast and Super Excited Dinner. Understanding the powerful effects that starting your day off with gratitude can have (ex: writing in a gratitude journal, saying prayers, etc), I created a game that the kids love. In the end, you can’t be grateful and fearful in the same time. 

How can you trick your kids into being grateful?….Make a game out of it. 

We all take turns going around the table sharing one thing that makes us happy. After each person shares, we count to three and all at once pound our clinched hands into the table and say together, “Happy!” 

This act helps us focus on positive things and gets the day started on the right foot – especially for Baylor. This helps him, and our entire family begin the day with a smile. 
Once we circle back as a family at dinner, we go around the table and share what made us super excited from the day – it could be an activity, a game, a toy, or even a person. After each person’s turn, we point our fingers in the air, twirl them around, then touch the table in a quiet almost whisper like voice and say, “Ssssssssuuuper excited.” (With a big emphasis on the “S”).
These exercises foster communication, dialogue, and tend to quiet Mr Worry. Winnie usually says she is either happy or excited about Moana, but I love to hear what B and B come up with each day. 

After doing this for several months now, the older kids usually lead this breakfast and dinner tradition. I’m proud to say that Baylor closed out the school year without any nerves being dropped off at preschool. A lot of this growth was his own doing, but I believe this daily habit played a significant role as well. 

Great read for parents with kids of all ages

What are you doing to improve your child’s well being?

Kendra and I are still learning each day as parents. We have our fair share of ups and downs. But, we believe that investing in our children’s development is like compound interest – the earlier and more we invest – the greater the return for them in the future. 

I hope these four rituals spark some fun and new habits for you and your family. Taking the time to love, model manners, and have fun as a family, are the greatest investments of all. 

Collin Henderson is the creator of Project Rise, which is a platform to help individuals be the best version of themselves.

RISE AND GRIND: 4 BASIC METHODS TO MAXIMIZE YOUR TIME AWAKE

TO SLEEP OR NOT TO SLEEP – THAT IS THE QUESTION… 

I’m a little confused. Being an athlete and devoted student, I’ve been told for years to get at least 8 hours of sleep. Sleep is where you recover, recharge, and heal. We spend one third of our life sleeping, snoring, dreaming, and drooling. 

However, being on this Project Rise journey, I’ve studied entrepreneurs, innovators, and many game changing people who have shaped our world.  During my quest of understanding success, I’ve found a common pattern with these titans – they don’t sleep very much. 

Thomas Edison bragged about how little sleep he allowed himself. He saw sleep as a roadblock to his progress in many of his inventions – including the light bulb. T. Ed only hired people who required little sleep and could match his 18 hour work days. 

YouTube celebrity and creative juggernaut Casey Neistat often gets just a handful of hours of sleep due the demand of his successful Vlog. He stays up most hours of the night editing his daily videos for his over 7 million YouTube channel subscribers…see one of his short movies below. 

This grind mode lack of sleep approach might earn you a badge of honor (and possibly more followers or money), but it isn’t for everyone. Athletes and especially young people need ample time to recover, recoup, and build their bodies to health. One of the most dominant defensive players in NFL history, JJ Watt, says sleep is one of his formulas for success. He gets over ten hours of sleep per night – especially during the rigors of training camp. 

So which is it? 

Rise and Grind or Stay and Sleep?

Consider this sleep scenario looking at two brothers – Adam and Ben. Both have similar DNA, but both have very different nightly patterns. Adam sleeps 5 hours every night. Ben sleeps 10 hours per night. Based off of this example, Adam will live 21% longer than Ben. How is this? Because he will be a awake for more hours each day. 

Who wouldn’t want to live longer? Well, in this silly scenario, Adam isn’t living longer, he’s just sucking more out of each day, week, and month.

On the contrary though, what is a life when you are walking around like a tired sloth all the time because of lack of sleep? If this is you and you crave caffeine the same way vampires fien for fresh blood, then you, like millions of Americans, more closely resemble the zombies in the Michael Jackson video Thriller, than MJ in his prime. 

Let me expose you to a happy medium to this sleep debate. Its called L.E.D. or Lowest Effective Dose. NY Times best selling author, top rated podcaster, angel investor, and entrepreneur, Tim Farriss, uses this philosophy to optimize many other areas of life, not just sleep – except he calls it the Minimal Effective Dose or M.E.D. (Check out his book the 4 Hour Body…it’s full of gems).

I’ve kept this approach in mind when dealing with my sleep. I’ve studied myself and reflected on my H.E.Q. or Hours/Energy Quotient, by trying to answer this question: 

What’s the lowest minimal amount of sleep I need to be fully functional, engaged, and have enough energy to win the day?

I’ve found that my L.E.D. sweet spot is 6 hours. I can get by with 5 hours (but not ideal), and 7 hours is the most optimal. I’ve discovered that anything over 8 hours actually makes me more tired. 

What is your Lowest Effective Dose for sleep?

Accompanied by my L.E.D., below are 4 strategies I’ve found to help me feel more rested and filled with energy to maximize my hours awake.

Meditation

I’ve been tinkering with practicing mindfulness for years, and recently have gone all-in with this practice. The research is just too powerful. Over 150 studies suggest that a daily meditation practice (even for 10 minutes a day) reduces stress and anxiety – while helping one feel more rested and peaceful. 

Last week I did a guided meditation/visualization session with several student-athletes, and after we finished, one player said, “I feel like I just woke up from a two hour nap!”

Give your body the benefit of daily mindfulness. Here’s a link to help you practice: Headspace

Here’s a recent shot of me doing sensory deprivation therapy and meditation at Float Seattle/Bellevue. Shout out to Sean Mac and B. Hop!

Cold shower

Want to reduce inflammation? Want to boost your metabolism? Want to improve your blood circulation and support your immune system? Need a way to wake yourself up besides coffee? Try mixing in a cold shower as part of your morning routine. 

I’ve been taking a cold shower for several minutes each day for the past 6 months. I’m someone who loves a long hot shower, so this energy hack was a little challenging to adopt. To help with the transition, I usually start my showers off really hot, and while I brush my teeth, I gradually turn the temperature to as cold as it gets (I have an electric toothbrush which helps me keep track of time – it shuts off after 2 minutes). 

I do one minute of cold water on my lower back, glutes, and hamstrings. I finish with 30 seconds to a minute on each quadricep and knee. Having both of my knees scoped, I used to have tendinitis (especially in my left one). After making cold showers a daily routine, I’ve felt zero pain or irritation in my knees! 

Just like when I used to sit in cold tubs during my playing days, daily cold showers have helped me feel more refreshed, healthier, and full of energy. Give it a try!

Here’s an article to learn more about the power of cold showers. 

Power Nap

Taking a nap has gotten a bad wrap in America. Many look at this technique as a sign of laziness. I look at taking a 10-15 minute power nap as a strategy to recharge my body and mind. Many European countries see the value in taking a daily ciesta. They even build this daily practice into their work schedule. Companies like Google and Uber also see the benefit of shutting your eyes for a few minutes a day. They’ve even built nap rooms or spaces for their employees to get a quick rest in. 

Who wouldn’t love to have a nap pod in the old office?

Being in outside sales, I’m lucky enough to be able to control my schedule. A few times a month, during lunch time, I’ll take a 10-15 minute power nap in my car – especially if I was up late the night before writing a blog post like this! I’ll also sneak in a quick nap on most weekends (my favorite napping spot is in the car…I have the best wife…she’s driving of course!). 

Research shows that anything over 40 minutes will actually make you more tired and may be unhealthy (see article here). Remember to keep them short and sweet, and feel the benefit of this healthy restful practice. 

To learn more about the benefit of taking a power nap and the well-known companies that support it, click here. 

Passion

I saved the best for last. Unequivocally, the number one source that fuels energy is doing something that you love. How do you spell the word love? T – I – M – E. Passion and purpose are what fuels action and persistence. Whether you are Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, or Warren Buffet, doing what you love and excel in just flat out gives you energy.  It helps you bounce back from failure, and stay committed for the long haul. 

At this stage of my life I feel like I am able to wake up and feel ready to go because I’m doing what I love: whether its spending time with my family, crushing my medical sales job, coaching, or leaving a legacy and helping others through Project Rise. If your career is taking away your energy, it might be time to discover your calling. Doing what you love will give you the energy needed to live a juiceful life (yup, just made up a word)…if you wanna be useful, you gotta be juiceful! 

If your current career isn’t your life calling, then find something else you can do when you are not working that fills you up. You owe it to yourself to be intentional about doing activities that you love and that give you energy.Purpose is the ultimate passion and energy hack!

Make the Big Time Where You Are.

Now it’s your turn! 

If you use 1 or more of the 4 energy strategies I listed above and give yourself 1 extra hour of being awake per day, here’s the breakdown of how much extra time you’ll get:

• One month: 30 hours or over 1 extra day a month…what could you do with an extra day per month?

• One year: 360 hours or 2 extra weeks a year…that’s like a long vacation!

• Five years: 1,800 hours or 2.5 extra months every 5 years…that’s like getting an extra summer break!

What would you do with extra time? Would you read more? Develop a new skill? Exercise? Finally turn your side project into your main project? Spend more QT with your soul mate?

Whatever it is you chose to do, my goal for writing this post is that you find your L.E.D. for sleep; you try an energy hack that I listed; and you get the most out of each 24 hours you’re alive. The reality is, the most successful people are able to do more with their time. 

No one ever looks back on their life and says, “Damn, I wish I would have slept more.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to squeeze out as many hours and days from Father Time as I can. Why?…

Because he’s a stingy bastard. 

Collin Henderson is the creator and founder of Project Rise.  Project Rise is a platform to uplift and inspire people to be the best version of themselves.

BACK TO THE FUTURE: USE YOUR PAST TO BUILD A BETTER NOW

I recently had a coach from my high school football team hit me up with a request. He wanted me to send him a photo from my playing days as a Puyallup Viking. He was working on a project highlighting former players.

I hit him back with a text that read, “No prob Coach. I’m on it!”

While I sent the text, I began to ponder if I even had any old football photos of me donning the mighty purple and gold (ironic thing to say coming from a Coug).

I tend to not be very nostalgic. I love spring cleaning. I get a mini rush of dopamine when I purge my closet. I don’t need to hold on to old things. – even my old sports stuff.

Realizing this, I started to get a little nervous.

While I was rummaging around our storage shelves in our garage, I couldn’t find any old pictures. “I must have either given them away or threw them out in the trash,” I thought.

While looking through some hidden boxes in the corner, I finally found what I was looking for – my high school yearbooks!

“There had to be a football photo of me in here,” I said to myself while feeling like I just found a needle in a haystack.

So there I was on an early Saturday spring morning, thumbing through yearbooks that I hadn’t opened in over at least a decade. What a blast from the past. Memories started flushing in. I saw faces I hadn’t seen in many years. I even texted some of these photos to my friends. It was hilarious…cargo pants and frosted tips; baggy jeans and polo shirts; Caesar cuts for the guys and shoulder length bobs for the girls.

I could fit another human in those huge pants…sup Gator?

I even started to read some of the comments and notes people wrote me in my yearbook. Instead of cleaning out my garage, I was reminiscing on my life as a teenager in high school. This exercise helped me reflect on my life during that time – the good and the bad.

I truly had a storybook run in high school. I was Homecoming King, voted “Dream Date,” was an excellent student, and won many awards as an athlete. However, like many young people, I often times was caught up in the lie of perfection. I was insecure and worried too much about what others thought of me.

Reliving some of those emotions again, I played the game of “What would I have done differently?” If I could go back in time, what would my relationships look like? Would I have trained differently? How would I have addressed some of my fears?

I felt a little like Uncle Rico from the classic film Napoleon Dynamite. “If I could just go back…”

Let me preface that I had an amazing time in high school. I had many awesome friends and experiences. I had outstanding support from my family and loved ones. But looking through these yearbooks reminded me of how much I didn’t know.

Upon reflection, I would’ve been more grateful. I would’ve served more people.Iwould’ve worried less and laughed more. Instead of trying to be cool and liked by everyone, I would have focused more energy on defining my core values and just loving me for me. I would’ve been more bold.

Taking it to the HOUSE!

I wouldn’t have WASTED a single hour or day on doing tasks that didn’t help me reach my goals.

Without even knowing it, this exercise change my emotional state. If you have ever listened to or watched the best business and life coach on the planet, Tony Robbins, you know that he’s all about getting people to change their state. When you’re in a heightened emotional state, you’re ready to take action.

While in this zone of reflection and reminiscing on my mindset and some of the things I would’ve done differently, it helped me create an exercise that I want you to do.

While going on a walk that evening, I pictured myself 10 to 20 years in the future. I imagined,

“How would my future self in 2037 assess my life right now, today, at this moment in 2017?”

What would a 57 year old Collin say to a 37 year old Collin? What advice would I give myself? What would I have done differently? What should I focus on? What is really important in life? Am I getting everything out of every single day, every single hour, every single minute?

I can’t get those years in high school back, and I can’t get these years back either.

I looked at this sign every day in the WSU weight room and believe this this to be so true.

I don’t believe in living in the past. I due believe in learning from our past to improve our future.

Coming to that conclusion and by feeling the emotions and memories looking through my old yearbooks, I did a self scout on myself and how I’m living RIGHT NOW:

●     What am I doing well and what areas can I improve?

●     What areas in my life am I avoiding?

●     What relationships do I need to fix?

●     What legacy am I leaving?

●     Am I playing to my strengths and going all in on my gifts?

●     Am I maximizing every second with my wife and my children?

●     Am I helping enough people?

●     Am I checking things off my bucket list?

AM I LIVING MY LIFE AS MY BEST SELF?

Knowing what I know now, and thinking about myself 20 years ago, this exercise got me really really excited. I almost had an out of body experience feeling like this is not my real life…this is just a dream.

I can start over right now and do anything that I want.

This exercise helped diminish some of my fears. This process help me get excited for living in the moment and for what’s to come. I had a huge sense of gratitude flow over me…even in the simple and small things. I left that mental exercise truly believing that I can write any story I want and live out my dreams.

I see you B. Rip. What’s up Coach W! Javon Deuce-Tray!

By reflecting on what I used to worry and obsess over in my past…I realized those were actually somewhat small things. It’s amazing what a few years away gives you in terms of perspective. I would tell my younger self to stop majoring in minor things…people’s opinions are just that – opinions – not facts. Your only competition is just you, and no one else. And here’s a key piece of advice: don’t be afraid to have crucial conversations with the people you love and who love you.

Why can’t we hack our brain and do that same exercise now?

My 57-year-old self would probably give me similar advice and tell me to chill the F out. Everything’s gonna be OK. Trust in yourself and trust in God. Just go for it!

This is my task for you. Here are 5 steps to go Back to the Future and Use Your Past to Build a Better Now:

1.    REFLECT: Help change your emotional state by looking at old yearbooks, pictures or videos of you in your youth, or 10 to 20 years ago.

2.    SELF-ASSESS: Reflect on if there is anything you would’ve done differently – not in a negative way, but with the approach of self scouting.

3.    EVALUATE: Decipher if some of the same fears, worries, or internal stories are holding you back today.

4.    FUTURE WISDOM: With this refreshed lens and perspective, pretend you are yourself 10 to 20 years in the future looking back on your life right now. What would you do different? Reference my list of questions above.

5.    TAKE ACTION: Decide to take action and do not waste a single day. Do things that you’ve been putting off. Mend relationships that have been broken. Attack your fears. Follow your heart. Live your dream. Reassess how you look at failure, and learn from it.

The time is now! We only get one at bat in life. Please don’t waste it.

That’s me on the left and my buddy since we were 6 years old, Brett the “Beast” Beetham on the right. We were later teammates again at WSU.

I eventually was able to find some old pictures of me at my parent’s house, and I sent them to the Puyallup football coach. I’m looking forward to seeing how this project turns out. After this experience of looking back at my younger self, I’m even more excited to create new pictures and memories living life like there’s no tomorrow.

My hope is that you do the same.

Collin Henderson is the creator and founder of Project Rise. Project Rise is a platform to uplift and inspire people to be the best version of themselves.

6 SIMPLE WAYS TO FIND INSPIRATION & CREATIVITY

Where does creativity come from? What do you do when you need answers to tough questions or are tasked to create?

I’ve taken notice where most of my inspiration and ideas come from. What’s interesting is that they come from the same handful of common places that you and I operate in everyday.

If you are an artist, stay at home mom, student, or climbing the corporate ladder – we all sometimes find ourselves looking for outlets to get our creative juices flowing. Whether you are facing a creative roadblock or have a tough decision to make, let me offer you a few strategies that will create clarity and calm. I hope these techniques and tips will help channel your subconscious and open up an army of ideas, and an arsenal of answers to the challenges that lie in front of you.

The key is to put yourself in positions to unlock your subconscious to be able to receive information. The best way to do this is to change your “state” by altering your physiology or biochemistry by some type of stimulus. 

Your brain is so powerful.  Are you using it to it’s full potential?

Through my experiences of taking note where my creativity comes from, I have discovered that there are 6 main Mediums where I find myself channeling creative thoughts and ideas unified synergistically by what I call a State Shifter.

Ever see the film Limitlesswith Bradley Cooper? They say the human brain only utilizes 10% of it’s capacity. Utilizing one of the 6 mediums combined with a state shifter attempts to tap into the other 90%. 

Use these 6 simple strategies and tap into your entire brain power, like Bradley Cooper’s character in Limitless.

Below are 6 simple ways to find inspiration and creativity:

1. Taking a nap

Medium: A quiet comfortable place to rest

State Shifter: Sleep

Ever see the movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio? I love the concept of “a dream within a dream.” DiCaprio and his partner in crime, played by Gordon Joseph-Levett, where tasked to extract or implant a thought or idea into a victim’s mind while they were sleeping. Why can’t we do the same to our own subconscious? 

The reason why I prefer naps to extract creativity is because naps support being in a Free State. You take naps when your body feels like it. You go to sleep at night because you have to. 

Try this, when you feel like you need an answer or creative inspiration, listen to your body when it feels tired. Don’t fight this urge, but go with it. Even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Find a comfy place and shut your eyes. Here’s the Inception twist – at the beginning of your decent, ask your inner Leo for inspiration in the area you are stuck. Let your subconscious go to work. What you’ll find is that the idea doesn’t come from the dream, put from what I call the “nap residue”…the peaceful time in-between when you are not asleep and not fully awake. This is where Inception Creation takes place. 

You will be in a complete relaxed state and your conscious and subconscious mind will begin to make-out like Leo and Kate on the Titanic. When you fully wake up, you’ll have your new idea, and will jump up, with your arms stretched out screaming, “I’m the king of the world!” Don’t just take my word for it. Ask multi-millionaire creatives Christopher Nolan and James Cameron. They’ll tell ya. 

The concept for my first book (coming soon), came from this place. I had just woken up after snuggling and taking an afternoon nap with my daughter Bellamy. During the nap residue, the vision flashed at me like a neon sign in Times Square. 

Give this technique a try…just make sure you are like Leo in Inception, and have a metal top handy when you wake up. 

2. Going for a drive

Medium: Car

State Shifter: Sound

One of my favorite of all movies without question is Rocky IV. Sly Stallone was in his prime. The Cold War was at its climax, and what 5 year old didn’t want a talking robot? I know I did. 

When the 7 foot Russian, Ivan Drago, defeated and killed Rocky’s best friend Apollo, Rocky needed to clear his head. What did the World Champion and Italian Stallion do when he was faced with an insurmountable challenge? He jumped in his sports car and went on a drive bumping the classic, “There’s no easy way out,” by Robert Topper. Fitting title wouldn’t you say? 

Rocky getting his mind right in his 1985 Lamborghini Jalpa

Through this process, Rocky was able to reflect, clear his mind, and walk away with a plan and a purpose. There’s something just therapeutic about going on a drive, the freeness of being on the open road, and feeling the emotion of your favorite song. 

Music is a universal language that stirs memory, emotion, and inspiration. Steve Jobs has been quoted by saying that his biggest inspiration and influence was not some tech nerd, but Bob Dylan. 

Another “sound” strategy I use while driving is listening to thought leaders through audiobooks, podcasts, or YouTube videos. I have my go-to’s that I seek for wisdom and inspiration. This is similar to what Superman would do when he was perplexed. He would go to his home ice-layer, insert a few crystals, and gain wisdom from his hologram father. 

Often times just one word or one phrase from a thought leader that I admire will spark an idea that leads to a solution or endless creativity. 

Just like how your car can transport you from place to place, this process will transform your mind to a new destination. Give this medium a try. You might discover Rocky-like underdog ideas and super human strategies inside of you.

3. Working out at the gym

Medium: Fitness center

State Shifter: Movement

I love to workout. The gym is my happy place. I’ve committed to myself and my health by making fitness a frequent weekly ritual. There are so many physical benefits that working out creates. My gym time helps me increase my energy, improve strength, and reduce the risk of injuries. 

The physical effects of exercising are clear, but what about the mental effects? For me, working out reduces stress, clears my head, and allows me alone time to think. There is a powerful force that happens when we move our bodies. Moving your body is one of the most effective way to change your state. 

Movement creates momentum. With momentum you discover motivation. When you are motivated you are able to tap into your memory on a deeper level. Ideas will surface. Inspiration will arise. Clarity will come through. 

Physical Fitness fosters Mental Fitness #gainz

Every time I leave the gym I have a new idea for a blog post, an added detail for my book, or inspiration for a social media quote. These fresh ideas wouldn’t be possible without being in an environment like the gym, where I’m free from my phone and other distractions. The added inspiration comes from changing my state through lifting weights – similar to lifting stress away – the tension and release of the weight is like lifting tension and weight away that is blocking my creativity. 

And here’s the thing, the more you practice, and the more repetitions you do, the stronger you will be. Not only in your muscles, but your ability to tap into fresh ideas and inspiration.

4. Shower Power

Medium: The Shower

State Shifter: Water

I love to take showers. There’s just something so soothing and relaxing about turning up the water really hot, generating steam, and just checking out for a period of time. With a wife and three children, those moments are fleeting, but cherished. Longer showers to myself is the real reason why I cover a large sales territory – to have frequent overnights to myself in a hotel (just kidding Kendra, being away from you and the kids is torture!). 

But seriously though, don’t mess with my shower time. My showers can never be too hot or too long. 

Growing up in a family of four, with just one sibling, I can’t remember many times fighting over the hot water. With this good fortune, I developed the habit of using this daily ritual as a form of meditation. No cell phones, no TV, no computers, no distractions. Just me, the water, and my thoughts. 

There’s something metaphorical about taking a shower. You are stripping down, getting clean, and using the water to wash away the old, and begin to feel anew. Cleanliness, feeling refreshed, and recharging aren’t the only benefits showering provides. For me, the shower also serve as a canvas. I often use the hot steam to fog up the shower glass. This precious creative place is where I make lists, draw diagrams, charts, and develop new acronyms. My shower glass is like a whiteboard. While in there I’m like Russell Crowe’s character in A Beautiful Mind. I’m unlocking puzzles and solving problems. 

Sometimes Kendra will shower after me at some point in the day and find what looks like hieroglyphics, Chinese characters, or some alien language that I’ve created during these thought-provoking shower sessions. She will often ask, “What did you come up with this time?”

There have been countless instances where I entered the shower with an issue or uncertainty, and after feeling the warmth of the hot water, listening to the soothing sound of faucet flow, and feeling the hot misty steam – my brain begins to unthaw. 

Just me, my breath, my thoughts, and nothing more. The shower is where I think, I ponder, I process, and I rest. 

Don’t underestimate the power of taking a shower. Endless answers and countless creation is at your disposal. Just remember to squeegee when you’re done. 

5. Going on a walk

Medium: Walking outside

State Shifter: Nature

Creative people have an eye for the creativity all around us, and the best in their field immerse themselves in these natural creative settings. I call this state shifter “nature.” What I really mean by nature is the world all around us – the trees, flowers, hills, landscape, water, sunsets, the city, buildings, architecture, etc.

What is more beautiful and inspiring than God-made AND man-made creation?

What better place to foster creativity than the beautiful world we live in? If you are spending most of your time in a sedentary, stagnant, and sitting position in a cubicle staring at a computer, you’ll be hard pressed to come up with fresh and new ideas. 

Get your butt out of your seat. Create some movement by going on a 10-20 minute walk outside. Get the blood flowing and take in the beauty all around you. Moving your body is one of the best ways to change your state and channel creative energy – even if it is as simple as going on a walk. 

Debbie Millman is a designer, author, educator, and brand strategist. She’s worked with many major companies and projects ranging from Burger King to Star Wars merchandising. She is labeled as one of the most influential designers today. According to Millman, one of her tried and true methods to get out of a creative rut is to go outside and go on a walk. This activity helps clear her head and flush out creative blocks. 

Millman is a creative force like no other.  Please check out her interview on the Tim Ferriss Podcast Here….simply amazing.

Living in Manhattan, Millman taps into an endless supply of natural creative inspiration just by going outside. From people, to sounds, to architecture, to colorful billboards and advertisements everywhere – this concrete jungle serves as a breeding ground for inspiration. 

I don’t live in the city, like Millman, but I do live near many trees, trails, and parks. God’s eye for creation is unmatched. Just breathing in the fresh air and taking in the scene all around helps me feel more creative and inspired. I often go on walks either early in the morning or later at night when the kids are in bed. This time alone also allows me to reflect on what’s going on in my world – presently and in my past. This technique might channel the most powerful source of inspiration of all: life. 

One of the kings of creation, Walt Disney, used his life as a spring board for inspiration and ideas for stories. Reflecting on his hard working blue collar childhood, Disney was inspired to write the classic film Cinderella. One time, he was pulled over by a police officer due to a trivial traffic violation. Instead of getting mad, he used that as inspiration for a Micky Mouse episode. 

Inspiration is around us everywhere. Tap into the beauty of nature and the scenes all around you. Get out of your “box.” Go outside. Move your body and go on a walk. Use nature to help you reflect on your life – which might be the greatest source of creation possible. 

6. Go write, get right

Medium: Quiet time alone

State Shifter: Writing

Many of my blog posts and content for my new book WERE NOT conceived until I started to write. There is a magical creative force that happens when you allow your mind to explore, document, and reflect on feelings through writing. 

Voltaire once said, “Writing is the painting of the voice. ” 

C.S. Lewis noted, “You can make anything by writing.”

E.L. Doctorow offered,  “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.”

My most creative place to write is not in front of a computer or laptop, but in the notes section in my phone. I also love to use Google Docs as a way to jot down thoughts and ideas throughout the day. One of the main themes of my new book coming soon is a unique daily journaling system – which I use everyday to prime my mind, body, and spirit. 

Journaling has been clinically proven to lower stress, depression, and anxiety. Keeping a journal has been shown to help gain control of one’s emotions and improve mental health. 

Give it a try. The most important words in the English language are write it down. Unlock your inner wisdom. Create a new masterpiece. Find a solution. Get your mind right, go to a quiet place and write. 

Is this my future TedTalk?

God needed 6 days to create the world. Try these 6 mediums and state shifters to generate inspiration, ideas, and creation of your own. 

Medium // State Shifter

1. Taking a nap // Sleep 

2. Going for a drive // Sound

3. Working out at the gym // Movement

4. Taking a long hot shower // Water

5. Going on a walk // Nature

6. Quiet time alone // Writing

Who knows, you just might make a masterpiece. 

Collin Henderson is the creator and founder of Project Rise.  Project Rise is a platform to uplift and inspire people to be the best version of themselves.

THE MASK OF MASCULINITY

Saying, “I love you” to another dude is for the soft and weak. 

This lie about love is one of the many Masks of Masculinity…and I used to agree. 

Being a coach’s son and the youngest of two boys, I grew up thinking that being a man (especially an athlete) was all about being tough. Real men don’t cry, we don’t show weakness, and the strongest are like Superman – made of steel and feel no pain. 

I used to never say the words “I love you” to anyone…especially not a teammate.  Even though my freshman roommate Matt Kegel (Havre, Montana’s finest) told me “I love you” most nights before we went to bed in our tiny little dorm room, I often times left him hanging.  My insecurities, immaturity, and lack of hearing that from another guy kind of rattled me.  Thus, I wouldn’t reciprocate.

Matt and I were different, but similar in a lot of ways.  He loved football, he loved life, and he loved people.  You can learn a lot from a free spirited Montana cowboy.

“That’s weird,” I remember thinking.

I was like many young misguided male athletes, caught up in holding up a macho image.  By not saying, “I love you” back, I was keeping in tact the mirage of my manhood.  Sometimes, I’d steal a line from the movie Ghost though and say, “Ditto.”  That was the best I could do.

I remember playing the University of Hawaii on the road my freshman year at WSU. It was our final game of a rough season and I was one of only 3 true freshman to start that season. One of the 3 was Seahawk legend and Pro Bowler, Marcus Trufaunt. Marcus had just made an interception to close out a tight game in front of a hostile crowd. 

At the Horseshoe vs. Ohio State

I remember being so pumped in the heat of battle that I hugged him and said, “I love you bro!” 

I totally acted out of character, but was caught up in the moment…I was playing with turf toe and bruised ribs that day. We had only 2 wins prior to that game and needed a momentum boost for the off-season.

It felt a little awkward saying it and even more awkward when he didn’t say it back. “I’m never doing that again,” I thought.

Saying “I love you,” is for girls and gays, not real men…that’s the old mask of masculinity in me talking.  This misogynistic and homophobic thought process is still unfortunately all too common in male team sports. 

It’s taken many years of study, self reflection, and learning from successful mentors to learn that love is everything – no matter one’s gender or orientation. 

Love gives purpose. Love feels pain. Love won’t stop. Love transcends. 

I often see young people (especially guys) who haven’t established their core values yet make immature remarks about love. Either they misuse it to gain an advance with women, or never use it at all – especially with men, friends, or teammates. Often times it’s not their fault. They’ve been modeled this behavior by prominent male figures in their life and even society (look who is leading our country). 

Masculinity is often times masked by ego, self interest, insecurity, and the narcissistic adage that image is everything. 

Gotta look cool. Gotta be hard. Gotta fit in. Gotta look tough. 

Many “tough guys” think showing vulnerability is showing weakness – especially in front of other males. Who can blame them? They’ve seen “real leaders” yell, demean, and put others down. These leaders don’t say “I love you,” they’re too busy being tough and focusing on kicking ass.

I argue the opposite. Being vulnerable is a sign of strength. You can have goals and grace. You can show love and hold people accountable. 

Coach Carroll showed you can “love” and hold players accountable.  Pete stuck with Hauschka through the season, but didn’t renew his contract for 2017.

Aside from ego-centric leadership, we are living in an epidemic of misplaced masculinity. Bullying seems to be at an all time high. Selfishness is everywhere. Entitlement is through the roof. Teams, schools, and organizations all have these types of people. I call them energy takers – taking positive energy away from others. The many social media platforms are a feeding ground for energy takers. 

There are many trolls out there that get some sort of enjoyment out of sucking energy from other people by posting disrespectful comments. These put-downs in my opinion often times come from a place of insecurity. Below is a comment from an energy taker – someone who takes away energy because they lack in something (self-esteem, confidence, happiness, or misguided leadership). This comment was in part directed at me.

Energy Taking at it’s finest.

Instead of being an energy taker, be an energy maker – someone who uplifts, supports, helps, and cares for others. The world could use more energy makers and less energy takers.

Energy takers come in all ages, shapes, and sizes. These individuals have no regard for others. Often times they don’t even realize how their selfish actions affect the larger group. They might claim to be all about “team,” but their ignorant comments, posts, and even body language show otherwise. They blame, complain, and shame. These actions might actually be a cry for help. 

Can you think of any energy takers in your family, team, school, or work?

I’ve had the pleasure of working with a local top ranked high school baseball team on mindset training, synergy, and culture this year. As they recently began the post season, I made a poster that I hoped would inspire unselfishness, sacrifice, and most importantly, love. This poster was the source of the energy taker’s comment I mentioned above.

I gave three examples to the team to anchor the message about the power of love. 

One of the stories I shared was how a woman in her 50’s had the strength to lift a car 4 inches off the ground to save her son who was stuck under a car. 

The point: The LOVE of another can give you super-human STRENGTH. 

The second example I shared was a video of Clemson’s head football coach Dabo Swinney’s post game interview after they upset Alabama in the final seconds of the National Championship game. 

A reporter asked, “How did you guys come-back and win?” 

He said, “We won because of love. Love has been my word all year. I told them, I don’t know how we are gonna do it, but if we love each other, we’ll win.” 

The point: LOVE for your team, coaches, and program gives you FAITH. 

2016 National Champion, Dabo Swinney, believes in the power of love.

The last example I shared was about Michael Jordan’s love of the game of basketball. As a rookie, he made sure his agent and the Chicago Bulls inserted a “For the Love of the Game Clause” in his contract. This clause meant he could play basketball in the off-season wherever and with whoever he wanted. Many teams put off-season regulations on their superstars, but Jordan wouldn’t have it.

One of the reasons why Michael Jordan is the greatest of all time, is because of his deep passion for the game of basketball. Similar to other greats like Tom Brady and Derek Jeter, they don’t play for money or for the accolades, but because of the love affair with their sport. 

The point: Talent alone won’t get you there, LOVE and PASSION are the pathway to greatness. 

The GOAT: Greatest of All Time

Trust me, I am all about winning. I’m all about getting after it and competing your ass off. I’m all about being a bulldog and hitting ’em in the mouth…all under the rules of play. However, I’m just trying to shift the common masculine paradigm on how you get there.

It really boils down to this point:

Relationships create Championships. 

Relationships with others (especially teammates) are the most impactful part of being an athlete – not just winning. Ask many athletes who are done playing and they’ll tell you, the biggest thing they miss about being a student-athlete or professional is the relationships and the time spent in the locker room and being with their teammates – not the actual game.

In the end, we CAN’T control the number of banners, titles, and championships we get. However, we CAN control the depth and meaning of our relationships – in athletics, work, school, and life. A loving relationship is the ultimate championship. 

If you love your teammates, your team, and the process more than the ring, I believe you’ll increase your likelihood of getting the ring… especially if everyone on your squad is on the same page.

Call me soft or Charmin, but that is the legacy I’m leaving…as a husband, father, leader, and coach….a legacy of love. A love for myself, others, and to pursuing one’s passion. 

When Troy Aikman won his first Super Bowl, he found himself in his hotel room crying his eyes out. He asked himself “Is this it?”  He got the “ship,” but he wasn’t satisfied…it wasn’t enough. People change your life, more then events do.

What is achievement if you have no one to share it with or if that is the only thing you play for? Also, if you judge your value as a person on wins and losses alone (as an athlete, salesman, coach, teacher, or whatever profession you were in), you are setting up yourself for constantly feeling unfulfilled – a trap I used to put myself in often. 

We can’t control specific outcomes. However, we can control our commitments. 

This was an exercise I did with the team I was working with. I first had them write down their goal for the postseason. Almost everyone wrote down they wanted to win a state title. I had them tear up their original goal. Some were a little confused, but I explained, “Every team in this playoff has that same goal – to win a championship.” 

I told them that we can’t control what happens at the end of this tournament. However, what we can control is our commitment to ourself and our team.

I gave them a new sheet of paper and had them write down their one commitment for the postseason. I had a few of the players share their commitment…it was very inspiring. Their focus shifted from all outcomes, to be more effort and attitude based goals. The entire team then wrote their one commitment on the team banner that read FAMILY: Forget About Me I Love You. 

Commitments are more powerful than goals.

This exercise I felt would help narrow their focus, lower their anxieties, and channel their concentration on what really matters. I challenged them to make this their only goal for the postseason: Focus on family, love, and their commitment.

I’m totally aware that this approach isn’t for everyone. It’s not the only way to win. But in my years of high-level competition in athletics and in the corporate world, LOVE is my vision and what I value most. LOVE is how I lead. 

My challenge to you is this: reevaluate your understanding of the word love. Reassess your commitments to yourself, others, and in pursuing your passion. 

Try to live life by this creed: Let love rule. 

Jesus taught us, “These three will last forever – faith hope and love – but the greatest of all is love (1 Cor 13:13).”

The Beetles sang, “All you need is love. Love is all you need.”

Dabo Swinney’s 2016 word of the year that guided Clemson to the National Championship was: Love.  

If it worked for Jesus, the Beatles, and Dabo, Love just might work for you and your team. 

When you unveil the mask of masculinity, and remove its insecure intentions, what you’ll find is every living creature – even men too – need love. And the best way I’ve learned over the years to receive love…is to give it.  Even if you don’t get the instant gratification of hearing, “I love you,” back.

For the record Matt…I LOVE YOU.

Collin Henderson is the creator and founder of Project Rise. Project Rise is a platform to uplift, inspire, and give individuals and teams the tools to be the best version of themselves. As a former Division-I two sport athlete and over ten years of experience as an award winning representative and trainer in medical sales, with two Fortune 500 companies, Collin offers strategies for peak performance in business, athletics, and academia. He is passionate about teaching the power of a healthy mindset, servant leadership, and the life changing affects of gratitude.

PROJECT RISE PODCAST EPISODE 4: CHRIS JOHNSTON

Listen to the podcast here.

Chris Johnston is the Senior VP at Community One Financial in Puyallup, WA.  He also is the creator and owner of Sparks Firehouse Deli, which is a hub for families and people in the greater Puyallup community.  Sparks Firehouse Deli is known for its fantastic food, awesome ambiance, and excellence service.  Chris is also part owner at Joeseppi’s Italian Restaurant in Tacoma as well as several other business ventures.

Because of Chris’ outstanding achievements, service and commitment to his community, he was honored with the 2016 University of Washington Milgard School of Business Small Business Leader Award.  From organizing parades honoring local athletic teams, to fundraising a new weight room for Puyallup High School, to coaching youth football, and running several successful businesses…Chris has a formula for winning and making a huge impact on others.  See the video honoring him below.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN

Chris has acquired wealth in many areas of his life – not just business.  He has what I call the Trifecta:

1. He’s a loving husband and father
2. He is a thriving business owner and entrepreneur.
3. He is continually serving his community as a volunteer, coach, and philanthropist.

Chris, like many self-made successful individuals, came from a single parent home, with no money, and limited experience.  Faced with other adversities and set backs, he built a flourishing and fulfilling life through grit, effort, and a “refuse to lose” mantra.  Listen in…I know you’ll love and learn something from this game changer – I know I have and continue to do so.

What a stud!

My key takeway: GET OFF YOUR ASS!  Success doesn’t come to the lazy.  Take action!  What do you need to do right now to take the necessary steps to take your job, career, or dream to the next level?  You’ll only get there through consistent hard work, commitment, and drive. You got this!  Go for it, like Chris does.  Take that first step today and keep at it.

Listen to the podcast here.

If you like this episode, share it with a friend.  Below are links to a few of his businesses.  Go support Chris!

Community One Financial

Sparks Firehouse Deli

Joeseppi’s Italian Restaurant

This blog post and podcast was powered by KICKSTART KINGS, who help you and your business go further faster through better BRANDING, VISUAL CREATIVE, and WEB & SOCIAL STRATEGY.  Check them out here…they have  helped Project Rise take off!  Let them do the same for you!

THE GREATEST GOAL SETTER

One of my main goals is to be the best husband and father possible.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, and had an image or idea flash inside your head like a neon light? Sometimes I do. I’ll get an idea, and my brain just won’t shut off. Inspired by Easter, this blog post is a creation of that occurrence. 

Despite your spirituality, faith, or even religion, there’s no denying one fact – a little over 2,000 years ago, a man named Jesus walked the earth. The record of Jesus of Nazareth has been documented by historians, scholars, and theologians alike. 

Regardless if you believe you are here because of an explosion in space, karma, God, Allah, Xenu (WTF? YouTube “Xenu South Park“…it’s amazing). Or maybe you believe in a different dogma all together. Either way, there’s one thing I BELIEVE we all can agree on – This man they called Jesus was one hell of a goal setter. 

That was my 2 AM epiphany. Jesus may have been the greatest goal setter of all time.

I mean, he set the bar HIGH! I’m talking Elon Musk SpaceX type ish. Being miraculously born from a virgin would probably increase anyone’s swag factor. However, believing to be the son of man, performing miracles, sharing the new gospel, dying for the sins of the world, then coming back to life, and ascending into heaven…Jesus’s goals made Elon Musk’s goals look itty-bitty teeny-tiny. 

The original JB (Jesus born in Bethlehem…not Bieber) dreamed BIG. I’m talking supersized, XXXL, jumbo, gigantic, ridiculously crazy off the wall big!

If Jesus had one thing (besides a dope beard and legit pair of sandals) it was vision. In order to have a clear vision, you must have what I call MVPs: mission, values, purpose, and slogan. Every successful organization has these clearly defined. Why don’t you?

Jesus’s MVPs would look something like this:

Mission – Save the world from sin. 

Values – Love all people. 

Purpose – Share the good news. 

Slogan – I am the truth, the way, the light. 

Jesus without question could define his MVPs. You could tell by how he acted, spoke, prayed, and what he said “yes” or “no” to. His MVPs drove his behavior to reach his vision. 

Have you taken the time to define your MVPs?

One of the pillars that Project Rise is built on is living a life driven by vision. When you have vision in your life, you have a clear set of goals. Goals create clarity, and clarity is power. Whoever has the most clarity always wins…whether it’s a debate, competition, or getting the sale…clarity just flat out gets things done.

How’s your clarity? 

Did Jesus have clarity on what his purpose and vision was? You bet your Peeps eatin’, mimosa sippin’, Easter pastel outfit wearing ass he did. 

No goal, no purpose. 

No goal, no direction. 

No goal, no life. 

No goal, no soul. 

I have the amazing privilege to have opportunities to speak to many audiences – especially to schools and young people about the power of goal setting. JohnNorlin is the Service Guy. Houston Kraft is the Love Guy. Collin Henderson is the Goals Guy. We all have a brand. If you don’t think you have a brand, it’s time to establish one (just don’t be That Guy…no one likes That Guy). 

But wait a sec, who am I kidding? I’m not on the same level right now as John or Houston…but the key word is yet. I’m not on their level YET (come on, where are my Growth Mindset people at?). The fact that I’m not there at this moment in time doesn’t bother me. Not one bit. Because I’m already there in my mind. It’s all ready done. It just hasn’t happened YET. I have a vision and a goal to RISE, just like Jesus. 

I believe with every ounce of my being that having clear goals can transform your life – the way they have mine. 

Goals have taken me from a stutterer to a speaker. 

A perfectionist to an activist. 

A worrier to a warrior…a warrior who feels the fear, but goes to battle anyway. 

Goals will get you out of bed; help you overcome hardships; generate momentum; inspire others; and push you to become your best self. 

My man Zig Ziglar once said, “Don’t be a wondering generality. Be a meaningful specific.” A life without a goal is not a life at all. 

Casey is a testimate of going all in on a dream.

Who modeled the power of goal setting better than the Jewish carpenter? No one. 

Below are 10 lessons in goal setting I’ve learned from the real Jahovah-Jireh, Jesus of Nazareth. Sorry Hova and Yeezus, there can only be One (I can’t wait for the Yeezy Fall Collection though). 

The 10 Commandments of Goal Setting – Modeled by Jesus. 

1. Your goals should scare you

I don’t think you need to take it as far as Jesus did….on the night before his crucifixion, where it says in the Bible that he was in such a state of distress that he was sweating blood (but when did Jesus go small?). If your goals don’t scare you at least a little…you need bigger goals. No guts, no glory. 

2. You’re gonna have haters

For some reason, many people don’t know what to do with different. If you feel your talents and aspirations are unique, pay these haters no mind. Just do you, just like Jesus did.

The Pharisees and the ancient high priests were the OG’s of haters. They were so jealous of what Jesus was doing, all the attention he was getting, the wisdom he had, and the blasphemy that he believed to be the son of God?! Jealously has been with man since the beginning…remember Cain and Abel? 

Listen, it’s sad but, many people aren’t comfortable with extraordinary. Many prefer the status quo…even some people who love you. If you are raising your standards and living with a vision that others can’t see, you’ll get criticized. Criticized because of jealousy, lack of faith, and quite honestly, fear they might lose you to bigger and better things. Sound selfish? Yes, but it’s true. 

I like to think that having haters is good. It means you’re doing something.

Sometimes your dreams might scare others. They’ll say, “You can’t do that,” or “You’ll fail.” Let them be scared and continue to live a life of lazy mediocrity, while you work your ass off, and not listen to the haters, but hold on to your dream and your process. If you stay true to you, your vision, and your goals…you’ll be well on your way to RISE above the fray.  

3. It’s going to be hard

Jesus had an unmatched work ethic. From walking from town to town spreading the gospel, to performing miracles daily, to addressing large crowds hours on end…your boy got after it! 

The amazing fact about having a clear goal that inspires you, moves you, and stirs your emotions – it will give you ENERGY! Even though it’s really hard work, you’ll be able to push through and not even notice the hours you put in. You’ll pay no mind to setbacks. You’ll be able to persevere through the pain. 

There’s no doubt that Jesus suffered to fulfill his destiny. Because he suffered an unimaginable death, his reward was to sit at the right hand of the throne next to his father in heaven. This is the most extreme example imaginable, but it reminds me this simple fact: the higher the level of achievement – the higher the level of hard work and sacrifices required. 

But the payoff will always be worth it. 

Does your goal drive you to work your ass off? If your answer is no, it might be time to reassess your vision and goals. 

4. Break some rules

One of Arnold Swartzenegger’s rules to success is this: Sometimes you’ve gotta break the rules. 

Jesus understood this principle. He followed his heart, vision, and values, and not to the old crusty Pharisee law. He knew what was right – he was fulfilling his mission.  He was staying true to his MVPs, which sometimes meant breaking the rules. Whether it was healing the sick on the sabbath or rewriting a new covenant – a salvation that is based on faith and not just deeds alone – Jesus stuck to his guns. 

We can learn from Jesus’s conviction. 

If old philosophies and out dated guidelines block your path – it’s time to blaze a new trail. The worst 6 words that stand in the way of innovation are, “That’s how we’ve always done it.” Learn from Jesus. Some rules are meant to be broken. 

5. You’ll need a crew

Life was made to be lived together. With that said, our alignment defines our assignment. We are a byproduct of the people we hang with the most. Jesus knew he couldn’t do it alone (hence his 12 disciples) – nor can you. Be open to delegate and seek out help. Just be selective on who you choose. Here’s one tip: If you’re the smartest person in the room, find a new room. 

There’s a cool phenomenon called the Koehler Effect, which as been scientifically proven to show that when people work in groups they perform at a higher level. Whether it’s a greater sense of accountability, or more energy, it’s just proven – teamwork makes the dream work. 

Who’s in your squad? 

Join a small group. Get a buddy to go with you to the gym. Align with a partner to start a new business. Nothing great was ever done alone. Develop a team, and watch your production RISE.

Squad goals achieved: the Hopper’s, Isaacson’s, and Martin’s. Love this crew so much!

6. Be well read 

Jesus knew his Bible. He did his homework and could recite all the scriptures. While traveling with his family as a twelve year old,  he was mistakenly left behind because he was studying in his God’s house – the church. 

Are you well read in your field of choice? Have you studied those who have came before you? 

The one thing that changed my life when I was going through struggles was investing in my personal development. I’ve made it a habit to read and listen to books incessantly. I hope you do the same. Eric Thomas, the Hip Hop Preacher often advises, “You are what you know.”

What are you reading, watching, and listening to? 

If your answers are: Facebook, Netflix, and Pandora…it’s time to find new material. 

7. Humble yourself

Jesus didn’t roll into town in a Bentley spinning on 22’s. He was riding a donkey. Humble yourself to focus on what’s important – substance, not flash. Do the grunt work. Start from the bottom. Push your ego aside. If a carpenter can be the savior of man, then you can ascend to unreal heights too. The only way you’ll stay there though, is with humility. Don’t judge your success on things, but in the people you impact and your personal growth. If those elements are your focus, the frankincense and myrrh will come. 

Jesus never looked to take credit for any of his miracles.  Often times after helping someone, he would tell them to “tell no one.”  How many times have you looked for praise for the simplest of accomplishments?  I am so guilty of that…seeking for praise, instead of seeking to raise someone up.

He who humbles himself, will be exalted. Today might be a good day to start to eat some humble pie. You’ll reach your goals faster if you do.

8. Be a servant 

Gandhi peacefully fasted. MLK marched. Mother Teresa fed the poor. Jesus washed feet. It didn’t matter if you were a tax collector, prostitute, Roman guard, or stricken with leprosy, Jesus loved and served all people. 

Achieving is serving. The more you serve, the farther you will go. To me, that’s the definition of greatness. Dave Ramsey once  said, “The only effective form of leadership is servant leadership.” 

While you are striving to achieve your goal, just remember this: The more people you serve, the more abundance and success you’ll create. 

Who served others more than Jesus?

9. It’s never too late

Jesus didn’t perform one miracle, make any ripple in history, or begin his ministry until he was in his early 30’s. 

It’s never too late to get on the goal train and achieve greatness. Look at John Wooden and Warren Buffet. Goals don’t have an age requirement…just a passion qualifier. It doesn’t matter if you’re 9 or 90 for the conductor to click your ticket. Just like Jesus, the goal train accepts all passengers. No matter your age, failures, disappointments, background, or history – everyone is welcome – similar to God’s kingdom.

What debilitating story have you been telling yourself? What excuses have you been making that have created a failure to launch? 

It’s time to start a new thought pattern, and a new plan to finally go after your dream. It’s never too late.

10. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE

Jesus was willing to die for what he believed in…are you? Are you willing to lay it on the line and sacrifice everything you have because your faith and belief is so intense that nothing will stop you? Belief was one of Jesus’s strongest super powers. By faith, not in acts alone will you RISE. 

A goal without belief is like a car without gas. It won’t go anywhere. Choose faith. Believe in the unseen. Trust your process. Do whatever it takes to get there. If you do, you will be handsomely rewarded…just like the Jewish carpenter from Nazareth. 

Sometimes you gotta just GO FOR IT!

He has RISEN

I hope this post gives you an epiphany like I had the other night – an epiphany of clarity and inspiration. In order to RISE and be your best self, it starts with a goal. I hope your goal is so crazy and exciting that it keeps you up at night.  If you have a passionate goal, there’s no doubt you will. 

The central theme of Easter is rebirth and resurrection. If you are not where you want to be, that is OK. Get rid of your old ways. Cease your limiting thoughts. Create a goal and begin a rebirth of the new you.

Here’s a simple exercise to get you started. Pull out a sheet of paper and pen (or use the Notes app in your phone) and create your MVPs. This exercise will give you the framework for your vision – to help you achieve your goals. 

Mission – What do you want to accomplish?

Values – What are the standards and guiding principles that will drive your behavior?

Purpose – What is the reason and “why” behind your goal?

Slogan – Create a slogan or mantra that sums up in a few words what you’re all about and sparks action. Tell this slogan to the world! Put it on your Instagram and Facebook page.

Let Jesus be the model of how to live and love. If you do, who knows, with GRACE, GRIT, and most importantly a GOAL, you can create your best self…and a version of heaven on earth. 

If you like this post or you know somebody that could use this framework, The 10 Commandments of Goal Setting – Modeled by Jesus, please share it!

HAPPY EASTER TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. 

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

Sometimes when I write, it’s a byproduct of being inspired, wanting to get clarity on a topic, or exploring my own theory in a specific area. With that said, I’m about to embark on a voyage that deals with an enigma similar to the Bermuda Triangle, the Egyptian Pyramids, Stonehenge, and figuring out what the hell happened to Richard Simmons.

This topic has been a mystery that man has tried to understand since the beginning of time: 

What Do Women Want?

No man is as fortunate as Mel Gibson’s character in the 2000 film What Women Want– by being able to hear the inner most thoughts of women…and dogs, “Monsieur, Monsieur, I need to poop!” Without this mind reading ability, men are tasked to know their woman’s needs and deliver on their desires. 

The only advice my dad gave me on the topic of women was, “Find a girl who can afford you. It’s a lot easier to fall in love on the beaches of Hawaii.” He obviously was joking…or was he? Then in his Ph.D. wisdom, J. Hen would follow that with his real offering, “Find a girl who is smart.” 

My response to him now is, “Ok dad, I’ve done that; so now what?” The most attractive quality that drew me to Kendra was her brain (oh and she’s 5’9, gorgeous, has a funny wit, is an amazing cook, and loves football…winning!)

She is definitely out of my league. (shout out to B. Hop!)

Aside from finding my soul mate, I’ve been blessed with amazing mentors in my life who have modeled the proper way to treat women and how to have a flourishing marriage. Young people do what you do, not what you say. I’m thinking about my son Baylor, and my goal is to model to him that the only way to have an effective relationship is to serve your partner. 

Let me premise that I am not perfect in this area, but like most males, I’m a work in progress. I’ve been labeled by a few people as selfish, “the King,” and being all about me. My job requires me to travel quite a bit; I’m very active juggling multiple passions outside of work (can you say Rise?); I don’t have many man skills (thank God for our neighbor Jeff); so sue me, I married Wonder Woman. Kendra seems to have super powers in many areas – her weapon of choice is either the power drill or her trusty breast pump – depends on the day. 

This is how I see my bride.

What’s awesome is that people are entitled to their opinion. They don’t have to agree 100% on my (or your) relationship dynamics. The most important factor is that you and your partner communicate frequently and have established clear expectations – and you both deliver on those. I feel that this is were Kendra and I have excelled – communicating on what our needs are and doing our best to make those happen. 

Things are not always going to work out perfectly or as planned. Being able to say “I’m sorry,” owning your mistakes, and sincerely make the necessary adjustments to correct the behavior or issue is what effective teamwork is all about.  I think I’m winning on the “sorry” scoreboard.  Wow, grace is powerful in a team setting. 

As with any team in sports, business, or life, it’s all about playing to your strengths. I feel we do a great job at this. For example, when we got married, Kendra assembled our new barbecue, while I wrote our thank you letters for all of our wedding gifts. 6+3=9. So does 7+2, 5+4, and so on. There’s not one way to have an effective marriage. Know and playoff each other’s strengths. Your production and happiness will be elevated.  

A few years ago, we read the book The Five Love Languages (which I totally recommend) and we do our best to make sure those needs are met consistently. My top two are: 1) physical touch, and 2) acts of service. While Kendra’s are 1) quality time, and 2) Starbucks or Chipotle (really, the author added those in the latest addition). 

Aside from mastering each other’s love languages, another tool to use is the framework I call A.L.A.: ask, listen, and act on what what makes your significant other happy. Why does it need to be more complicated then that? 

Step 1: Communicate and ASK what makes her happy and how you can help. The first response might not tell the whole story. Be ready to dig deep and peel back the onion (women have layers…just like ogres, ogres have layers too…pardon my Shrek reference). The more details and specifics you can obtain the better.

Step 2: This might be a new concept for some of you guys out there (after 6 years of marriage I’m still working on it), but truly LISTEN to what she is saying. Seek to understand. Don’t just nod your head and envision what meat you’re going to BBQ next. Make a mental note, store it, then proceed to Step 3. 

Step 3: Based on her needs, take ACTION. This could be the most important step. Why? Because taking action takes effort. But not just mindless effort (how many times have you half-assed made the bed or picked up after yourself). Intentional action that follows a strategy is where magic happens. Effectiveness is all about execution. If you execute on her needs, I can give you 50 reasons how this will benefit her and YOU (trust me, there will be no shades of gray). 

Do this ALA process:

0 times per year = F results. 

1 time per year =  D results. 

1 time per quarter =  C results. 

1 time per month = B results

1 time per week = A results

1 time per day = A+++ results 

The reason why a high number of relationships get stale and fail is because there is no energy and effort. Imagine if you put the same type of energy, passion, and attention to each other as you did in the beginning of the relationship! Love doesn’t sit on its ass and binge on Netflix all day (unless it’s New Girl – watched together of course). Love is a Verb…just ask John Mayer. Love Does…just ask Bob Goff. 

Average in = average out. Awesome in = awesome out. What’s more important then you and your partner’s relationship? Besides putting The Man Upstairs at the center of our life and marriage, Kendra and my relationship is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE! 

We feel the best gift we can give to our children is putting our marriage first, and them second. Many couples married with children have it backwards…and their marriage takes a back seat. Hmm, I wonder why divorce rates are so high for new empty nesters?

Below are what I call Kendra’s Keys. If I can deliver on these, I’m winning, she’s winning, our marriage, and family are winning. 

1. C.S.S. – Certainty, Security, and Safety

Similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I’ve learned that everything starts here. 

Certainty: Being the man of the house, I feel a sense of responsibility to operate and function in a consistent manner, provide stability, and create vision for our family. 

Security: It’s my duty to provide for us through generating short and long term financial security. 

Safety: A must is to make Kendra feel that she and our children are safe. This dictates the car we drive, how we handle certain public situations, and the fact that I make sure the doors are locked each night before we go to bed (this took me a few years to embed in my psyche). 

2. Be Present

Being a Zombie is not a good look. Zombies don’t make good husbands or fathers. Amber Alert: PUT THE CELL PHONE AWAY. I try to institute the 6 to 9 rule – my phone stays in my room plugged in from 6 to 9pm when I get home from work. Don’t be a Cell Phone Zombie, put the cell phone away (this is one area I need A LOT of work on). While your phone is charging locked up in a safe, play the Rose/Thorn game. Each of you share something that you loved about the day (rose) and something that could have been better (thorn). This is an easy, simple, and effective way to communicate and have a little bonding time. 

3. Deliver On Her Love Languages 

We are very intentional to carve out time and connect during that sweet spot when the kids go down to bed and before we go to bed. This is always much valued QT. Also, I make it a point to bring her Starbucks, flowers, or her favorite…Chewy Sprees candy when I can. About 75% of the time when I come home from the gym, I come packing heat – a toasted Chonga bagel with an iced coffee.  This always is a crowd pleaser.  

4. Connect Emotionally and Physically

Most women are crock pots, not microwaves…this includes Kendra. If I want a connection downstairs, I better connect upstairs first (Hint: this doesn’t start at 9pm, but 9am). Compliments are free. Acts of service are free, but the payoffs are priceless. Also, every physical touch doesn’t need to lead to something else. Put some money in the bank, rub her feet and expect nothing to happen. You will earn some bonus points, which you can cash in later – Yahtzee!

5. Love Our Children

Serving our children is serving Kendra. Being the best daddy is deeply appreciated and sexy as hell…ask any woman. When I get home, I love to give Kendra a break from Earth, Wind, and Fire (Baylor, Bella, and Winnie) with some dada time. They love it. I love it. And after being a physical and emotional punching bag for the previous 10 hours, Kendra loves it the most. 

6. When I’m Fulfilled, She’s Fulfilled

I need to make sure that I’m doing the things that fill me up – exercising, doing my best at work, following my passions. Kendra is so amazing, that she understands the importance of allowing me to be who I am. When that process takes place I have more to give and everyone wins.

7. Date Consistently 

Make the words “Date Night” a staple in your relationship’s vocabulary. Don’t let your love fern die…water it, nurture it, and give it light…by regularly scheduling a night out on the town WITHOUT YOUR KIDS! Do I even need to justify why this is important? 

For some low cost date night ideas…click here

I am fully aware that this list is not the end all be all. If you have your own way of investing in your marriage that works, then great! The most important key to this whole What Women Want thing is to DECIDE and COMMIT 100% to your relationship. Love is a choice that needs ACTIONS to fan the flame…not with intentions or “should do’s.”  When I take care of Kendra’s needs…she more then takes care of me!  The Bible says you reap what you sow…this is so true in relationships. Take care of your woman where she needs it the most, and you will be the wealthiest man on the planet in the area that matters most – LOVE. 

Since there are 7 Keys to my list above, take the Kendra’s Keys Challenge. Discuss and implement one of the 7 keys each day of the week with your spouse…start today! 

For all my fellas out there, I hope Kendra’s Keys help you unlock your inner Prince Charming. Who knows, you just might awaken your Sleeping Beauty and discover not just what WOMEN want, but what YOUR WOMAN WANTS. 

And if you execute on this quest, you’ll create a happy ending in more ways then one.

HOW MOANA MADE ME CRY

Over the past month I’ve watched the Disney movie Moana at least 5 times. If you have younger children like we do, you most likely have seen it and can probably recite the songs in the film like a JT record.

All Baylor and Bella want to do is watch the “Big Guy”…Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson’s character, Maui…which he crushes btw…and the brave heroine, Moana.

She’s next level.

Even our one year old Winnie is getting into the action. I got home the other day from a work trip, and all she could say to me was, “Muah, Muah.” I was like, “Kendra, what is she saying?” She replied, “Moana!”

Huh, should have known. Gotta love baby gibberish.

There’s a reason Disney owns everything from the Marvel Universe to ESPN. They are frickin’ smart and have mastered the art of storytelling. They have gotten so good over the years, and the plots have even struck cords with adults as much as kids.

Disney has a proven plot system. Here’s my breakdown:

1. Scene and characters are established (old normal)

2. A challenge arises

3. A nurturing character close to the protagonist dies or is faced with a dangerous threat

4. The naive hero (protagonist) goes on a journey

5. The protagonist is mentored

6. The protagonist fails and contemplates quitting

7. The protagonist faces his/her fear and transforms into a real hero

8. With a new found courage and skill, the protagonist saves the day.

9. A new normal and happy world is created

Disney’s Empire is endless.

I’ve loved many Disney films, but this Moana story stirred my spirit and emotions more than any drama or action film of recent memory (nothing creates water works like Cuba Gooding, Jr’s movie Radio though). The symbolisms in Moana, her journey, failure, triumph, and message of redemption are timeless. There’s a plot twist in the end and a climactic scene that had me balling my eyes out…I mean grown man ugly cry. I had to hide my face so my kids didn’t think something was wrong with me.

There were many takeaways from this gem that made me laugh, think, and cry. Below are elements of the movie that paralleled with real life – and even had a biblical influence. Take a look at this list and reflect how it relates to your life.

Under qualified

The chosen one, Moana, lacked experience, was under qualified, was too young, and an unlikely choice to save her people.

How many characters in the Bible were an unlikely choice from God? Moses stuttered. David was an adulterer. Paul killed Christians.

You might think you are under qualified, but trust that no one is ever 100% ready and are completely qualified. Know that you are chosen. You are worthy. There is no such thing as perfect. It’s about the journey and growth along the way. Stop thinking that you don’t have what it takes. The people who shaped the world where flawed just like you and me. The only difference is they took action! It’s time for you to stop thinking you don’t have what it takes, because you do!  Take ACTION!

Courage

Despite going against her father’s will, Moana left her island and faced many dangerous situations to save her people.

David faced Goliath. Noah survived the storm. Daniel was saved from the lion’s den.

You will never reach your potential or achieve anything of significance unless you face your fear. Warriors feel the fear, but go to battle anyway. This is where growth happens. What fear have you been avoiding that you need to attack?

Mentorship

Moana knew very little about sailing or the world beyond her island. However, she had a connection with the ocean and the dream of exploring. This dream was encouraged and nurtured by her grandmother. While on her journey, Moana, who was a novice sailor, learned to be a master of the seas. She learned this skill from the other main character in the film, Maui. Because of Moana and Maui’s teamwork, they saved the day. This feet would not have been possible without each other. Maui learned a great deal from his mentee, Moana, as well (humility, courage, resourcefulness).

Mentorship has been a critical part of achieving greatest throughout history. Moses mentored Aaron. Eli mentored Samuel. Jesus mentored his disciples.

What is your dream? Who can you seek out to help you achieve it? You are not alone. We all can benefit from having at least one source that is full of encouragement and knowledge. Focus on learning from those people instead of the naysayers, critics, and doubters – which, if you are seeking to do something great – you will have plenty of those types of people.

Think of one person who believes in you. Channel their energy and encouragement. Also, who has what you want? Ask them to be your mentor. This relationship will be life changing.

You should always have a mentor and a mentee.

“This does not define you” 

Moana and Maui had several major setbacks and failures throughout the process. Both even felt so defeated that they lost hope and even quit. Yet, something inside of their spirit lifted them out of a state of despair to keep fighting and fulfill their destiny.

God never makes it easy. Whether the Jews exodus from Egypt, to Abraham and Sarah waiting until late in life to have children, and even Jesus’s death and resurrection (there are many more examples)…the people who fall and get back up and face the fire are rewarded.

The most powerful scene in the film felt like a scene straight from the Bible. There is a clever twist at the end when Moana reaches the end of her journey to restore the heart of Te Fiti. While facing the lava monster (that’s what my kids call it), Moana realizes that the monster is not really evil.

The ocean parts, she calls to her, and sings a message that has so much biblical relevance that it had me balling. I saw God in the form of a 16 year old girl speaking to me, people who are lost, hurt, afraid, living in guilt and shame, and who have lost sight of their true self. This is what she sang:

I have crossed the horizon to find you

I know your name

They have stolen the heart from inside you

But this does not define you

This is not who you are

You know who you are
…who you truly are.

God has been on an endless search to reach you.

He loves you, and knows you by name.

He may have challenged you with hardships that have broken you.

You may have lost your way and have been on a path of self destruction.

BUT THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.

God adores you and sees the hero inside of you.

He knows who you are. You know who you are. Let that person come back to life and grow to something even greater.

This song could also be sung from a parent to a child; a child to a parent; a friend to a friend; or you to yourself.

Sheesh, I’m tearing up right now just as I write this. Please watch the scene below and reflect on your life. Forgive yourself and start living in color, not darkness. If you are in a healthy place, how can you be a light for others?

In summary:

• Even though you are under qualified, you are ready.

• Nothing of significance happens without courage.

• You are not alone. Seek out mentors, while you mentor others.

• Your failure does not define you. How you respond does.

• In order to be great, you must love yourself first.

Forgive yourself.  Mend a relationship.  Forgive someone else.

Begin a new adventure.

Start an adventurous journey today and become your best self…just like Moana.

GEAR GUIDE 2017

Walk into 2017 like this guy…like you know something that others don’t.

It’s a new year and it’s time to think about how we can make 2017 our best year yet.  I made a list of my favorite things that I’ve came across this year that I think will help you in your quest to be the best version of you.

Anytime I can get an edge to improve how I feel, enhance my knowledge, or simply enjoy life at a deeper level, I’m always down.  I hope this list will do that for you.  So here it is…

My Top 10 Must Haves for 2017:

#1.  Off the Chain Pant, from Lululemon

I love these pants for so many reasons.  From 2014-2016, it was all about the ABC pant from Lulu.  ABC stands for Anti-Ball Crushing.  Love these pants.  I just might have all the colors. They have 4-way stretch, are comfy, and fit me real nice.  Having a butt and quads, its tough finding a slimmer fitting pant that is still comfortable.  With that said, 2017 is all about the Off the Chain Pant.  This is a new and improved version of the ABC.  It has a little leaner and tighter cut, but still has room in all the right places.  I can dress these up or dress them down.  I’m obsessed!!!  Oh, and as I write this they are on sale right now at Bellevue Square as well as online (last I checked they were on sale for $68!…a steal!).

Forgive me and my selfie…I’m doing it to help you!  Love my Off the Chains & Neff beanie…see below for my #2

Here are a few reasons why you need these babies

#2.  Neff Beanie

Being that it is winter in the northwest, and 70 + degree weather is nowhere in sight, I love keeping my noggin warm with my fav beanie from Neff (see photo above).  Sometimes wearing a ball cap does not do the job.  Why I like it: it has the perfect mix of the right length (some beanies are either too long or too short…the Neff is spot on) and also it is the perfect material.  It’s not itchy, but really comfortable and it has the perfect amount of stretch.  Finally it’s not too warm, but does the job.  I hate walking outside where it is cold and warrants a beanie, then when I get inside I have to take my beanie off because I am too hot and my hair looks all messed up (so I’m vain..sue me).  This game changer keeps me warm when outside and not too hot inside…I can rock it with comfort inside and out. 

#3.  H & M Collared Shirts

If you are looking for an affordable dress shirt in a variety of styles and colors, H & M has got what you are looking for.  You might like to go to Nordy’s and drop $100 plus on a dress shirt, but I like to get more bang for my buck.  These shirts have a more athletic European cut, which I like, and I’ve had several for multiple years, so the quality does the job.  If you are looking for 4-way stretch, my honorable mention goes to Mizzen and Main (check them out)…shout out to my boy Mike Ike. 

NBD, just me taking a family pick with one of my H&M buttoned collard shirts

#4.  Zara Blazers

Every grown man needs to own a black suit and a multi-use blazer.  The reason why I like Zara’s blazers is the way they are cut (slim) and because most of them have a comfortable stretchy material (are you seeing a trend here?).  The other reason why I like them is because they offer a high quality jacket for a reasonable price.  Pair your new blazer with a clean t-shirt for a more relaxed look.  Check them out…Zara is now in Bellevue Square as well as downtown Seattle (they have legit kids and women clothes as well).

#5.  Nike 3/4 Zip

These Nike 3/4 Zip tops are my go to whether I’m going to the gym, or going to a meeting.  They are so comfy, look great, and can be used in multiple settings.  Rock them to get your workout on, or when you go business casual with a polo underneath.  Stick with black and gray, and add a pop of color with your polo.  You just simply can’t lose with this wardrobe staple.

These are a little too tight for my taste, but you get the point.

#6.  Cole Haan GrandePro Tennis Sneaker

This single pair of Cole Haan’s will transform your look overnight.  I am really into rocking a more sporty shoe with my blazer or even suit.  The rules have changed.  Maybe its the athlete in me, or the look that says, “I mean business, but know how to have fun too,” this is the look for 2017.  There is not a lighter or more comfortable shoe out there — and they come in many colors.  Whether you travel, are on your feet most of the day, chill at a desk, or want to stay current or ahead of the curve…add this shoe to your repertoire and you will be closing dates and deals all in the same day.  Check out Charles Woodsen on ESPN or Kenny Smith on TNT for inspiration. 

What can I say…I’m a shoe guy

#7.  32 Degrees Heat Performance Mesh

I love to feel warm.  With the colder weather and the fact that I travel to eastern WA, Alaska, and Montana, I need an extra layer.  My go-to is 32 Degree Heat shirts and long-underwear from Costco.  The shirts come in short sleeve or long sleeve.  I opt for the long sleeve.  They are very comfortable and you can’t beat the price (wait for it…they run about $8 a piece…seriously?!).  You can even wear the long sleeve top  under your blazer.  I like the cut of the neck…it’s in between a V-neck and basic crew.

#8.  Nike Joggers

If you are like some people I know, you are rocking pants like its 1999 (RIP Prince)…or like you are the 6th member of N*SYNC.  Gangster rap, grunge, and boy bands were cool many years ago — so were baggy pants.  It’s time to step up your casual game with a pair of Nike jogger pants.  Whether you go for cotton Dri-Fit or more of a polyester feel, your gear game on Saturday and Sunday will be turning heads…for the right reasons.  Pair your slimmer looking bottoms with a flashy color of Nike running shoes and please don’t be that guy that rocks Adidas, Nike, and Under Armor all in the same outfit…pick one brand and stick to it.

You can never go wrong with black…NEVER.

#9.  Jordan Brand Long Tights

About a year ago, I found myself stuck in a tough place at the gym.  I was too hot in pants and too cold wearing shorts…my legs didn’t know what to do.  Thus, I made a strategic change that has taken my look, comfort, and swag to the next level…I’ve been rocking long tights under my shorts.  I used to wear spandex under my football pants for years, but it took me a while to adopt this approach to the gym.  I’ve tried many different brands, but I love the cut and style of any Jordan spandex…for some reason there is more room for the boys downstairs than Nike long tights.  Give this approach a try…you’ll thank me later.

Long tights under shorts are the perfect blend for the perfect workout.

#10.  Wireless Headphones

Have long tights transformed my workout game?…yes.  But, nothing has taken my workout experience to the next level quite like my Beats by Dre wireless headphones.  Do you ever listen to music with your phone in your pocket and your cord gets in the way?…Or when you are attacking dumbbell bench and your phone constantly falls out of your pocket?  Take this frustrating practice away by investing in headphones without a cord (the new iPhone doesn’t even have a jack, so this is where the future is going people).  I love listening to podcasts or YouTube videos of inspiring people and stories while lifting and doing cardio…this is made possible by sticking my phone hidden in the corner while I move around without a care in the world.  If Beats head phones break your budget, there are a ton of other brands that are more affordable.  Start working out like it’s 2017, not like you did in 1997 with a disc-man and head phones with a cord.

Here’s a list of top brands.

Be a beast like LBJ…get rid of the ball and chain of traditional headphone chords.

Look good, feel good, play good.  This progression can be applied at work and other areas of your life as well.  Try some of my favorites and let me know what you think.  Hit me up with your must haves for 2017 and lets make this year the the year we truly take our look, production, and joy to the next level.

FEELINGS NOT FACTS

I’ve made an observation recently.  I’ve come to the realization that what motivates people to ACT, BUY, and DO is not logic; its not numbers; its not even money.  It actually comes down to one simple thing – our feelings.  Emotion and Imagination beat Logic every day of the week.  You’ve probably heard the saying that people don’t remember what you said, but how you made them feel…I’m going to explore this topic a little bit.

Let’s face it, we all in one way or another are in a sales role.  Selling our kids to clean up or finish their food.  Convincing your significant other to go with your color choice when painting the kitchen, not theirs.  Pulling a Jedi Mind Trick on your best friend to meet at your favorite spot versus theirs.  Teachers, lawyers, parents, leaders, coaches, businesses, siblings, friends are all selling something: an idea, service, preference, product, or dream.

The art of the COMPLEX Sell: selling an idea to your kids

Studies show that people rely on emotions, rather than information, to make decisions.  Douglas Van Praet, author of Unconscious Branding: How Neuroscience Can Empower (and inspire) Marketing offers his opinion, “The most startling truth is we don’t even think our way to logical solutions.  We feel our way to reason.  Emotions don’t hinder decisions.  They constitute the foundation on which they’re made!”

I was first exposed to this feeling trumps facts theory while listening to a Tony Robbins (life and business strategist) video on YouTube several months ago.  Tony was telling a story about a conversation he had with Steve Wynn, business man, art collector, and well known luxury casino and hotel owner.  Steve, the creator of the Wynn hotel in Vegas, told the story on how he built the most expensive hotels in the world, and kept his prices high, because he wanted to make people feel SIGNIFICANT…even during the Recession in 2008 and 2009 when his competitors were shrinking, he went bigger, grander, and added more value.  All to enhance feelings and significance.  He even built a new hotel at the peak of the economic downturn and his goal was simple, it was to add more value…he even raised his prices!  He created the most beautiful, unique, and awesome experience, so people would feel special, important, and like royalty.  This strategy paid off – in a big way.  So remember this:

People don’t purchase products, they purchase feelings.

People don’t acquire things, they acquire states.

People don’t buy stuff, they buy identities.

Have you ever been in a relationship and either you or the person you were dating wanted to break up?  Whether your romance was relatively new or you had been together for a long time, someone had to try to explain why they didn’t want to continue the relationship.  This was always my biggest fear and least favorite thing in the world…breaking up with someone.  I absolutely HATED IT, more than anything.  Well, on a few occasions, I’d hear the girl on the other end, try to explain in great detail, all the rational reasons and facts why we should be together: we have a lot in common, we share the same interests, we like the same activities, our values are aligned.  Yes, all those things are true, but I JUST DON’T FEEL IT!  I probably cried more then they did when I left, but I knew it had to get done. I would then, ponder the points interjected, which all rationally made sense, but:

WHEN IS LOVE RATIONALE? 

My biggest fear during my single days: having “the talk”

The fact is, love, feelings, and emotions are not rationale…sometimes they don’t even make sense!  But emotion and feelings are what drive action.

So here is the money question, how do we tap into these so called feelings that are so important?  Here is my 3 phase approach to evoke feelings and not simply rely on facts to get what you want:

PHASE I – 1st Impression

• Confidence: Confidence and self-believe are very attractive qualities that lead people to follow.
• Humility: Confidence mixed with being humble is a strong combination.  Humility draws people in and allows others to put their guard down.
• Sincerity: Being sincere creates trust.  Trust creates dialogue.  Dialogue creates relationships.  Solid relationships are the foundation of what selling an idea is all about.

PHASE II – Tell a Story

• Make the status quo unsafe: How can you prove that what they are currently doing or want to do is not the best way?  This is where you generate an unmet need or a pain point.
• Make them smarter: Knowledge is power.  Teaching somebody something they do not know that can help them creates a feeling and emotion – whether it’s information on the marketplace, their own environment, competition, or how other’s are succeeding or failing – intellegient information is always a premium. 
• Offer a different solution: Provide a solution to make their next move a productive one that is different than what they are currently doing (or have been offered by someone else).

PHASE III – Motives Matter

• It’s all about YOU not me: Make the other person the center of the story, not you.
• Bring the VALUE you promised: In the end, its all about value.  Whoever brings the most value wins.  You need to deliver on what you said you were going to do.
• Prove you CARE, then CLOSE: Make caring a competitive advantage.  Care through Internal Investment then show it through External Execution.  When you have done this, you’ve earned the right to ask for what you want…when these steps have taken place, closing is easy.

In summary, life is all about FEELINGS!  The rational argument doesn’t always win.  Emotion, imagination, and feeling trump all.  Your first impression is what draws people in, but your content keeps them engaged.  Remember to carry yourself with confidence, humility, and sincerity…those are all quality traits that establish credibility and trust.  

Tell a story, don’t rattle off stats and facts.  Jesus spoke in parables for a reason.  People connect with a story, not just info.  Stories stick.  Make sure your story has danger or a threat, educational information that makes the other person smarter, and a unique solution that solves the problem.  

Lastly, make the customer or person you are talking to be the focal point and main character of your story (HINT: the protagonist should not be you, but the other person!).  Always bring value in what you are offering and be different by sincerely caring for all parties involved.  If money is your only motive, if YOU are your only motive…your results will be short lived.  When your motives align with service, value, and fulfilling the other person’s needs first, you will win in the long term.

Give this approach a try!  If you do, your outcomes will improve…I CAN FEEL IT!!!

ALIVE

If you read my last post, I mentioned that I hosted a candidate on a “ride along” last Friday.  As these work trips usually go, the potential employee usually asks questions about the role, trying to gain nuggets on the products, insights on customer concerns, and what the day to day looks like.  Often these individuals are jotting down notes into their journals (they better be!), formulating a plan to knock out their final interview, while putting their best foot forward in hopes that I sing their praises to the hiring manager.

On this particular day, at least for most of it, it went as usual…visiting accounts, doing my thing, answering questions, explaining the industry, etc. etc.  But this time, the candidate, let’s call her Stacy asked me a great question.  She asked, “If there is one thing I need to know…one piece of advice you can give me to crush this job, what is it?”

I thought about it for a second, while driving past the old battle ships nestled in the waters of Bremerton, Washington.  I pondered the question, thinking of the right response that would genuinely help her.  The standard answer would be to set goals, create a solid plan and execute, work really hard, bring value, and ask for the business.  Deep down I felt that response would be just like those old war vessels…rusty and out dated.

Well for some reason that day was different.  For those of you who have been following my blog have witnessed a dramatic shift in my mindset that I’m trying to share.  This blog has fostered an intellectual journey that has been one of the most transformational forces in my life.  It has taught me a powerful emotion called humility.  The process of sharing my thoughts, research, opinions, and strategies has been truly rewarding.  I have learned that I don’t have to create, just document my journey.  Using concepts from Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: A New Psychology of Success, I’m working on developing a growth mindset – focusing on the process, learning, and growing – not simply on outcomes and the black and whiteness of wins an losses.  For most of my life I was living in a fixed mindset – gaining my self worth and validation on proving that I was good enough – to myself and others.

Trust me, I’m still a work in progress, but this time, when asked for advice on succeeding, I wanted to share something different.  I simply told Stacy:

Just know that you are alive
YOU ARE ALIVE!

To the average innocent bystander, one would think, man this dude is corny and definitely on the cheesy side.  You know what, I really don’t care.  I wanted her to know and you to know that you are ALIVE!  Take advantage of this precious gift of having the freedom of being present, here alive today.  To think.  To act and do whatever it is that you want.   

Most people wake up each day and take for granted all the possibilities being alive has to offer…seriously.  Why do people wait to go through a traumatic event or threat of loss to truly appreciate how insanely lucky we are to experience just a single day and all the possibilities and wonders each day brings…especially in the mundane things that aren’t given a second thought once they’ve passed?  Don’t make a loss make you finally live. 

Kendra and my WORLD.

We take for granted the small things…which really are the BEST THINGS.  Get ready for my random list of examples: 

Hearing a child’s laughter; going on a walk and feeling the wind in your face; a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon (what can I say, I love cheese…and bacon for that matter); going to the movies, reading a good book; smelling a scent that takes you back; experiencing the sunrise on a morning run; waking up on a Saturday morning to College Gameday; picking raspberries with your kids; physical touch from a loved one…the list can go on and on. 

How would you live your life if you knew you only had 6 months to live?  Would that change how you thought, acted, lived and loved?  What would you appreciate more if you just got out of jail after being locked up for 20 years?  I had the opportunity to play softball a few years ago against federal inmates and spoke to one of my former classmates who had 10 more years to serve.  Wow, the freedoms we have if you change your lens are so immense and beautiful, but are we living with that perspective and gratitude?

Living today, right now, I truly feel blessed…blessed and trying to do as much as I can while I’m here.  Sometimes I feel like John Mayer when he sings in his song, “Stop This Train”…so I play the numbers game, to find a way to say my life has just begun. If I do the math, I have about 64% of life left…and that’s if I live to be 100. This is a long winded way of telling the candidate in my car, to you, and to remind myself that if you are reading this:

YOU ARE ALIVE, 
BUT ARE YOU TRULY LIVING?

We only get ONE SHOT at life.  This is me pleading with you (and to myself) to do a few things right now:

• Love more, judge less

• Laugh at yourself, not at others

• Cry tears of joy
• Think daily and independently 

• See beauty in all things

• Find gratitude in even hardships and set backs

• Ask yourself this question at the end of each day, “How many people did I help?”

• Know that you are only limited by your thoughts

• You can do and be anything you want – it all starts and ends in your mind

• Be generous

• Forgiveness transcends
• Know these words and use them often: Please and Thank you

• Fight the battle ahead, not the one behind you

• Plan for the future, but be present today

• Lastly, believe in yourself. You are special. You are a miracle. Since you are a miracle, make and recognize mini miracles daily. 

• Oh, and know that God loves you just the way you are, so just be yourself. 

Live the life you dream about.  Do not wait for an event to cause this.  Make this powerful choice now.

Happiness is not about money, but moments.  Fulfillment isn’t found in status, but service.  Joy is not achieved by acquiring things, but in harnessing the power of thankfulness.  This approach is my best practice. This is my advice. I hope that you and Stacy from my ride along takes it, run with it, and never look back.

CPW

CPW…learn this acronym.  Know it’s ways.  Trust it’s power.  So what is CPW you might ask?  Well, its an approach to fashion that took me into my 30’s to understand, appreciate, and apply.  CPW stands for: Cost Per Wear.

Given $200 and the task to expand my wardrobe, the younger me would either go to Target or Old Navy and buy several lower cost (and lower quality) garments.  I guess I used to walk out of these shopping experiences feeling stoked that I just scored a major wardrobe update.  My mindset at the time was quantity over quality.

Well, now that I am much older and wiser…and who’s kidding, my wife Kendra has rubbed a lot off on me…I see more value in having fewer clothes, but higher quality.  Having a few staples in your closet that might cost more, but last longer and make you feel good is my new approach.  Looks are not everything, but liking how your clothes fit and loving how they look – at least for me – makes all the difference.

LOOK GOOD. FEEL GOOD. PLAY GOOD.

With that said…let me introduce you to a staple of mine that has been a go to for several years.  Fellas, listen.  Ladies, take notes for your man.  Its another acronym…they are called the ABC pant from Lululemon.  ABC stands for Anti Ball Crushing…seriously, that’s what they are called.  Nothing wrong with letting the boys breathe a little.

This dude looks like he’s thinking, “I wear, therefor I am, awesomeness.”

Here’s why I like them:

1. Lulu hems and tailor’s them for free (yes!).  Guys, having your pants bunched up at the bottom is not a good look…maybe back in 1994 when grunge and gangster rap was all the fashion rage.  Take your pant game to the next level and have them tailored.
2. They don’t wrinkle!  Awesome when I have to travel…just throw them in my bag and I’m good to go…no ironing necessary!
3. You can wash and dry them!  No dry cleaning bill.  This is so convenient and actually saves you money in the long run.
4. They are versatile!  Dress them up or dress them down.  Wear them with Vans or Chucks…or throw on a sport jacket with a pair of Cole Haan’s and you are ready to close the deal in your afternoon meeting!
5. Last but definitely most important…they have 4-way stretch material!  Being in outside sales and getting in and out of my car frequently, driving, and flying…comfort and durability is HUGE…these babies are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn.  I can do squats in these pants no prob!  

The price is $128 and worth every penny.  I am not lying…I’ve converted about half of the guys in my division at my company to the ABC’s…once you try them on, there’s no going back!  Invest in your look…feel good…get value out of your purchase…buy clothes that last and look great…you deserve it!

Please, don’t be that guy.

My other favorite pants are Zanerobe.  They also have 4-way stretch, they are a little more on the skinnier side (if you are looking for more of a trendy look), you can wash and dry them, they have plenty of room in the crotch (hee hee…ode to MJ) and my favorite part…they have a draw string!…no belt needed.  Love these when I’m going through security at the airport.  Zanerobe’s are great to wear with an untucked shirt…dress them up or dress them down just like the ABC pant.  They come in a few different styles and retail for about $119 or less.

Here I’m rocking my black Zanerobe’s…look like pants, feel like sweats.

Ladies, remember when 7 For All Mankind Jeans came out and completely changed the game for you…your comfort, your style, and most importantly, your butt!  After that, normal denim jeans just wouldn’t cut it.  The thought!…jeans that cost over $100?…now it seems, they must cost over $200 to even be in the game.  Well, these ABC and Zanerobe pants are that kind of a game changer for guys.  You justified to yourself to spend that kind of money on jeans, but you felt GREAT!

Fellas, trust me, once you buy a pair and wear them, its like when Neo from the Matrix swallowed that pill…EVERYTHING CHANGED.  I actually wear less and less jeans now because of these pants.

Dudes before and after the ABC and Zanerobe pant.

Now when our money is spent at Target…its because Kendra spends it on a bunch of…aah umm…random SHIT for the house!…do we really need another candle or that apple cider dish soap?!

Part of being the best version of you includes loving how you look.  Find what works for you and rock it!  Remember, just be you…everyone else is taken..but if you’re a guy, the ABC & Zanerobe pants might need to be a new staple.  Finally, understanding what CPW is all about and rethinking how you invest in your closet and YOU…is a step in the right direction!

A 180 DEGREE TURN IS ONLY A MATTER OF 1.5

Ideas are just ideas WITHOUT COMMITMENT

Goals are simply goals WITHOUT ACTION

Dreams are just dreams WITHOUT EXECUTION

I’m down here in Bend, Oregon for a conference at the beautiful Sunriver Resort.  Its 90 degrees + all weekend.  They just got a new pool last year, there’s golf, trails, shops, and cool places to eat…one problem, my family is not with me.  So what do I do when I have free time, alone?…I read about or watch YouTube videos of inspiring people.  The old me, would probably go see a movie, dink around with my phone and all my social media apps, or binge on Netflix (with nobody to chill with…poor me).

For some reason, those things that I just listed do not fill me up like they used to.  Since I started this blog I have been researching almost obsessively what causes success…looking for habits, traits, and philosophies of ordinary people who do extraordinary things.

One common denominator of people who have extreme success is they do more with their time. 

I get it, after a long hard days work, putting out fires, grinding, commuting to and from work, dealing with people, you need time to decompress and disengage for a bit.  TV is a great outlet, spending time with our loved ones in my opinion is the best outlet, and many of us turn to our phones to escape from the rat race of life.  But for too many, this phone epidemic is getting a little out of hand (I haven’t even gotten into video games).  From games, to various apps, to emails and text messages, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.  There is a name for people who have a cell phone addiction…its called “nomophobia.”  People create a neurological addiction, where they cannot be separated from there phones, laptops, iPads, or tablets…similar to craving cigarettes or alcohol.

My challenge to you is to invest in yourself 1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week.  The weekends are all yours.  I promise you, no one ever looks back on their life and says, “I wish I would have played Candy Crush or World of Warcraft more,” or “My life would have been a whole lot better if I spent more time on Instagram.”  No one ever reflects and says, “If only I would have slept more, watched more TV, binged more shows on Netflix, or played more video games.”

Don’t be like this dude..get off the couch!

Here is how you can do a 180 degree turn that will set your goals and dreams in motion…it starts by carving out 1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week, which is 7.5 hours per week, 30 hours per month.  Try this for six months and you’ll have invested 180 hours (hence the 180 degree transformation) into yourself.

1. Look at all your social media apps 3 times per day and that’s it: morning, afternoon, and once at night.  That’s plenty of time to evaluate all your likes and commenting on post that make you smile.
2.  When you come home, engage with your loved ones with no distractions: No TV, put the phones away, and do like they did in the 1950’s, talk and check in with each other.
3. Limit your “shows” to no more than 2: There’s nothing wrong with having a go-to show or two, but 10 is a liiiiitle too much.
4. Focus 1.5 hours of your time doing something productive: After you’ve engaged with your family, ate dinner, put the kids down, checked your phone for a few minutes, invest in your development.
5. The world is your oyster: during this time, read a book, learn a new skill, get inspired, listen to a podcast, practice your craft, write, meditate, exercise, call and talk to a mentor, finally turn your idea into a small business…there are so many possibilities for self improvement!

Feel like you you don’t have enough time to get everything done?  Here’s a novel idea…wake up earlier!  Take care of the most critical things you need to get done first, so you free yourself up to do what you want.  Stop being like every one else who has a million excuses and isn’t happy with where they are in their life.  Take action!

As each day passes, its a lost opportunity to get better. Live with no regrets!

We only have a finite number of days on this earth.  Only God knows that number.  Maximize each day!  You and only you have the power to make daily decisions on how you spend your time…are you going to improve and get better or settle or get worse?

Make the decision today that you’ll wish you made 5, 10, 15 years from now.

So what area do you want to improve?  What new skill do you want to develop?  Turn your passion project into a reality.  Finally create your side project into a legit small business.  For you non entrepreneurs, learn to play the piano or guitar, improve your finances and knowledge in investing, write a book, or improve your fitness.  Like I said, the world is your oyster.  Commit to yourself 1.5 hours per day for 5 days a week for 6 months, and your life will take a 180 degree turn for the better.  Set a goal, create a plan, and get after it!!!  Breaking big things down into little chunks, makes what seems impossible, possible.

So how did I come up with 1.5 hours, 5 days a week for 6 months?  Here’s how: Scientific research shows it takes 66 days to form a habit…so that takes up the first 2 months, just forming a habit of making time to invest in yourself.  From there, you can further specialize or add multiple new skills to your repertoire.  Josh Kaufman, author, blogger, and motivational speaker, says you can actually learn a new skill in 20 hours…not the 10,000 hour rule suggested by best selling author Malcolm Gladwell. 

If you don’t invest in yourself, no one else will.  1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week, will allow you to do just that.  Go for it!  You will thank yourself in the future.

CORE VALUES

Your core values are the deeply held beliefs that authentically describe your soul. – John C. Maxwell

During a 2006 vacation to Argentina, entrepreneur Blake Mycoskie met a woman who worked with a volunteer organization that gave shoes to kids in need.  Mycoskie joined in the cause and visited village after village and saw first hand the sores, blisters, and infections not having shoes caused.  He was deeply effected.  He came back to American inspired with a vision.  Shortly thereafter the vision for Toms was created…The One For One business model was the core mission of his shoe company.  For every shoe they sell, Toms will give a shoe to someone in need.  This core value of service has made Mycoskie and Toms very successful and set the path for how he would operate his then small company, which has grown to millions and millions of dollars in sales.

Toms founder Blake Mycoskie

Core values are enduring beliefs or ideals that drive one’s behavior.  It tells us “what is and what is not good” in our actions.  These guiding principles influence how we make our choices, what choices we do make, and often times how we are judged in our actions by these choices.  Like Katy Perry says in the song Roar, “I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything.”  Don’t be that Katy.

What happens when an individual or company does not have sound core values?  Well, ask Lance Armstrong and former members of the leadership team at Enron how that went.  Without core values, clear ideals and guiding principles that aid us in our decision making, we are playing with fire.  Tiger Woods’ domination of the golf world came crashing down when it was reported that he had been living a double life filled with lies, cover-ups, and extra marital affairs.

Core values help us make the tough decisions.  I love the concept that with clear values, decisions are easy.  I wish it was that simple, but if we haven’t examined what we stand for, the type of person we want to be, and what is important to us, sometimes decisions are not easy.  By taking ownership of your values and defining your beliefs – what’s important to you – you are setting up a system that will guide you through the challenges life throws us.  

Think about people that you respect and have learned from…maybe they are your parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, family members, your pastor, or close friends.  What have you learned from them?  How do you want them to see you?  How do you want your children to see you?  Remember, most children do what you do, not what you say.  If you haven’t yet, it’s time to think about your core values and write them down.  Here are two articles to help you drill down your core values:

7 Steps to Discovering Your Core Values

Define Your Personal Core Values in 5 Steps

While speaking to a leadership class at Sumner High School, I shared my core values.  I came up with an acronym: GEARS.  In order to achieve our goals and final destination in this journey of life, its important – just like a car – to have the transmission (your belief system) in the right gear. 

Gratitude: in all things be grateful.

Effort &

Attitude: no matter what is happening around me, I can always control my effort and attitude

Right Thing: “R” stand for “Do the RIGHT thing.”  The definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking.

Service: My goal is to leave a legacy of service…loving and helping others.

Carroll’s book: Win Forever is a must read

Pete Carroll’s first two stints as a head coach in the NFL didn’t go as well as he had hoped.  First with the New York Jets and later with the New England Patriots, both ending in him being fired.  After being let go from the Patriots organization, Pete went through something he had not experienced in his career…he had no job, but time, a lot of time.  This time away from the game forced him to re-evaluate his coaching philosophies.  While as a head coach in NY and NE, Pete felt he was not letting his true core beliefs and values shine through.  He conformed his approach to meet the old school expectations of leading the way NFL teams have always been lead: having no fun and coaching players out of fear, instead of uplifting them.

Inspired by legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success, Carroll wrote down his core values and coaching philosophy.  He promised himself, the next time he had the opportunity to be a head coach, he would run his program lead by these guiding principles.  The rest is history…he dominated the Pac-12 at USC and when no believed his style would work in the NFL, his approach has proven very successful and copied by many other coaches in the league and by coaches from other sports, including Steve Kerr from the record setting Golden State Warriors.

Take time, just like Carroll…dig deep and discover your core values.  Once you have come up with these pillars of believe that drive your behavior, write them down and tell someone and remember:

You can’t follow your dreams if you only follow others. 

My next topic in my series “Building Your Brand” will focus on identifying your strengths.  Enjoy the holiday weekend!!!

PS: Interested in getting inspired about discovering your core values?  Read this book…its a game changer!

BUILD YOUR BRAND

Do you know that you are always interviewing? Whether you are aware of it or not, people are creating a perception and label of you. With our family, friends, at the office, social media…we are constantly forming people’s opinions of us by how we carry ourselves, act, talk, what we post, and how we treat others. This thought can be overwhelming and sound like a lot of pressure, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s time to start thinking about your brand. Your brand should be consistent and cross over to all areas of your life (at home, at work, socially, etc.). But how can it be consistent if you haven’t spent time examining, exploring, and asking yourself vital questions that help you understand what drives your behavior? The cool thing is, if you know who you are and are comfortable in who you are, and know what you want – who gives a %$#@ what people think?

Here lies the question: do people see you the same way you see yourself? Have you set your standards too low for yourself? Are you maximizing your strengths? Do you love to wake up each day and have a zest and zeal to achieve your goals? These are the questions that I hope to help you answer in my next few blog posts. My goal is to help you explore 3 areas that form your brand – I call it your WHAT, HOW, and WHY:

• WHAT: what are your core values?
• HOW: how are you unique – what are your strengths?
• WHY: why do you do what you do – what motivates you?

Here’s the deal, you should not let others create your brand, image, or label for you. We all should take ownership of our brand. We have the freedom to choose our mindset and our actions each day. This unspeakable freedom should not be underestimated. I hope today is the day you take ownership of how others and you see yourself. Every corporation and company has a brand: Nike, Starbucks, Nordstrom, and Apple, are a few of my favorites. When you think of these companies, you instantly have a perception of what they stand for, what they are good at, and why you buy from them. These and other companies have spent hundreds of hours and millions of dollars to formulate their brand. Isn’t it time you do the same?

The most powerful force in the universe is how you see your self – your self perception.  

Have you ever been to the circus?  I have not, but mindset coach Tony Robbins often tells a story about elephants at the circus. When elephants are newly born, their owners tie the elephant up to a stake in the ground. That little elephant tries with all his might to break free from that stake. Unfortunately, that little guy hasn’t developed enough strength to break away. This elephant tries and tries each day to break away to no avail and eventually gives up. As the elephant grows and grows he doesn’t even attempt to pull free, because he has been conditioned to think he’s stuck. He doesn’t understand the power he has, because his perception of his strength has been greatly diminished by conditioning from outside forces.  

Can you relate to this example? Have you been conditioned to see yourself a certain way? Its time to reassess your perception. Only you have the power to change your standards and how you see yourself, as well as others. The old saying, “whether you think you can or cannot, you are right,” fits perfectly here. My next three post will help you explore and think about what makes you, you. I’ll help you examine, what is your true north…what are your core values? Next, I’ll help you identify your strengths and how you can use them to generate personal satisfaction and wealth. Finally, and most importantly, I discuss finding your why – what drives you and motivates you to take action and be your best…is it recognition, money, creating a better position for your family, or something different? 

Check back in…I’m excited to help you build your brand.

COMMIT TO BE FIT

How’s your fitness right now?  We all know the many health benefits of exercising, but there are many obstacles getting in the way of making working out one of our weekly habits:

• Work
• Kid’s schedules
• Lack of time
• Several other commitments
• Don’t know what to do
• Don’t enjoy it 

All of these are real challenges, but we need, have to, and MUST make physical fitness a key piece of our routine to be the best version of ourselves.  According to the Mayo Clinic, let me remind you of a few of the physical benefits:

• Increases energy
• Combats health conditions and diseases (heart disease, blood pressure, lowers cholesterol, etc.)
• Controls weight
• Promotes better sleep
• Puts the spark back into your sex life (where my married peeps at?)
• Prevents injury

The physical advantages of committing a life of fitness are clear, but did you know your mental health will drastically improve as well.  Here are some of the advantages exercise will provide your mental state:

• Improve your mood
• Alleviate anxiety
• Improve self confidence
• Boost “happy chemicals” (endorphins, which decreases depression and increases happiness)
• Tap into creativity & improve brain power
• Improve memory

I believe all these physical and mental benefits to be true, but let me personalize why I work out.  I’m a fairly vain person.  I take pride in my appearance and want to look good.  However, I exercise because its an escape and I really enjoy it.  I once was told by former WSU defensive back coach, Kenny Greene, who looked amazing for his age, “Weight lifting is the fountain of youth.”  I believe this to be true.  If done correctly, mixing in weight bearing exercises with some sort of cardio reduces risk of injury, increases energy, and helps you feel and look younger. 

The physical benefits are clear, but I must say, the mental benefits might be more impactful!  The gym is the number one place where I think.  We all should spend at least 15 minutes per day by ourselves thinking.  When I get to the gym, I have my music playing, my blood is flowing, I’m letting off some steam, and I am getting after it!  This personal time is such a release.  Many of my ideas for work, life, and even this blog come to me while I work out.

Need a work out playlist?  Check out my “gym-flo” mix on Spoitify HERE (note Parental Advisory…these beats may make your booty shake and inspire you to turn into the Incredible Hulk; oh and I like R&B and Hip Hop, so there is some creative usage of the English language).   

Find a way to incorporate physical activity into your weekly calendar.  if you have been lagging behind in this department, be intentional with your time and write it into your schedule, just like you would schedule an important business meeting, or lunch with a friend.

What changes can you make to incorporate physical activity to your daily or weekly routine?  The first year we lived in Lakeland Hills, my longtime friend and neighbor belonged to a gym 9 minutes away from our house….I joined and I think I went 5 times all year.  I opted to work out when I traveled or would just go for a jog occasionally when home.  A year later, I realized I wasn’t incorporating enough weight lifting into my routine.  I switched my gym membership to Tahoma Fitness, which is literally across the street from my house.  It’s $20 more expensive than my old gym, which is why I joined the other one…but that one change drastically increased the frequency I workout.  How I feel and the mental and physical results significantly out-weigh the extra dollars spent.  What’s the one thing you can change?  You should treat your body and mind the same way you should treat your marriage…with commitment, accountability, and make it a priority…oh and it should be fun!  Below are my 5 areas to self-fulfillment – physical fitness being one.

Physical Health & Fitness is one of the 5 areas of self-fulfillment (I’ll talk about the other 4 later)

 If you don’t belong to a gym, come up with a physical activity plan that works for you.  You don’t need to work out for 2 hours to be effective.  Studies have shown that 15 minutes per day, increases mental and physical health.  If you don’t know much about how to exercise, the internet is a great place to start for ideas, or what I recommend is reaching out to a few people you know who workout in a way you think aligns with your needs and pick their brain.  You could always sign up for a personal trainer for a few sessions to help get you started.  Reach out to a friend and go in to this journy of fitness together.  Teamwork makes the dream work!  Having someone to help hold you accountable, might be the x-factor of making fitness a habit.  Trust me, take action…your physical and mental health will be well worth the investment.

Need a quick workout?  Check out my favorite on the go exercise routine…takes only 10 minutes!

DISCOVER

Have you heard of the name Judah Smith?  If you live in the Northwest and are into young adult ministry (ages 18-30ish), love the Seahawks, your favorite golfer is Bubba Watson, and you are a charter member of the Justin Bieber fan club…then you probably know him.  This guy has a lot going on…not only is Judah a New York Times Best Selling author (the book Jesus Is____), he’s also best friends with Bubba, he’s the Biebs pastor and mentor, and Judah JUST added Seattle Seahawk Chaplain to his resume this past fall.  On top of all those cool points, Judah and Chelsea Smith are the pastors at The City Church, which has several locations in the greater Seattle area (their main campus is in Kirkland).

Judah is (in mine and many other’s opinion), the alpha dog, pioneer, and leader for this new wave of young and hip pastors that spread the gospel in non-traditional ways (if you haven’t, look up Carl Lentz, Chad Veach, John Gray, and Rich Wilkerson, Jr.).  These trend setters use fashion, pop culture references, music, sports analogies, hysterical wit, and deep storytelling to convey the message that church isn’t about religion.  It’s about loving yourself and others, but mainly, it’s all about one man – Jesus.

Judah Smith

When we lived in Issaquah, we made the City Church our church home.  Since moving back to the south end (near Lake Tapps), that trek to Kirkland with three kids 3 and under is a little much to handle.  We love calling Puyallup Foursquare our church home now.  However, with the beautiful invention of the internet, we often get caught up on how things are going with Judah and the City Church by watching his sermons on their website (check out his sermons here).  This past weekend, we went on a family walk down our big hill (two miles round trip…it’s a BEAST) and brought along our “church on the go” technique.  With Winnie in the stroller, I propped up my iPhone and synced it up with our Beats Pill (this hill can get a little noisy due to cars driving up and down).  This mobile church method is amazing – try it sometime – you get to get Jiggy with Jesus, while you work your glutes (uhh, what, did I just say that?)!

My walking buddies

During this walk, we listened to Judah discuss the challenges and importance of relationships.  He told a funny story about him and Chelsea early in their marriage.  But during his sermon, he said a phrase that really resonated with me.  He talked about how many fall into the path of comparing; keeping up with the Jones’s; looking for the flaws in others to make us feel better.  During this eloquent talk, he said a phrase that sang to me and caught my ear just like the first time I heard Rihanna sing, “Work, Work, Work, Work, Work” (what she says after that only God knows).  Judah proclaimed,

DISCOVER the beauty in others.

I love this.  So simple, but so true.  I love that he used the word “discover.”  I loved it so much I looked the word up to see all the definitions.  Discover means to:

·         Find (something or someone) unexpectedly or in the course of a search

·         Become aware of (fact or situation)

·         Be the first to observe

·         Perceive the attractions of (an activity or subject) for the first time

·         Be the first to recognize the potential of (someone)

Think about applying all of those definitions when looking at other people.  Use the word “discover” to look at, think about, engage and communicate with others…if you do, it is truly beautiful.  I’ve been guilty of comparing what I have (my physical traits and worldly possessions) versus what others have (good or bad).  Social media is not helping with this epidemic of comparing and envy.  Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat are vehicles for many to showcase a false reality to make others view them in a certain way.  Conversely, many of us look at these social media apps as a platform to point out the flaws, past judgement, and stack our chips vs. others and say, “HA!  SEE! I’m cooler than so-and-so.”  Can we make this STOP please!

What lens do you view the world in?  What glasses do you wear when looking at other people?  Are you wearing these glasses (glasses that COMPARE):

Or are you wearing these glasses (glasses that CARE):

Are you looking through a lens that compares or cares?  Let’s discover the good, the beauty, and the gifts in others.  Let’s celebrate other people’s success without jealousy.  Let’s continually lift people up with words of encouragement, positivity, and love.  What good does the alternative do?  Being bitter doesn’t make you better, it just makes you sour.  This type of vision is blurred and will throw you off track and set you back from being the best version of you.  On the flip side, no one is made the same or is perfect.  Many gravitate toward people who are most like themselves.  We tend to engage or interact with people who look like us, talk like us, and come from the same background as us.  Imagine what the world would be like if we all DISCOVER the beauty in others and look to find the good instead of the bad..  What if we were intentional with our thoughts and actions to embrace our differences and look for the hidden talents in others.  Breaking down the definition of “Discover,” what if we:

1.       Find something unexpectedly good in someone

2.       Become aware of someone’s passion

3.       Be the first to observe another person’s gift

4.       Perceive (think about) the attractions of someone different than you  

5.       Be the first to recognize the potential in someone…tell them and others of this observation

This approach, I PROMISE is a much healthier way to make you feel better, as well as empower others to be themselves.  This is what Jesus modeled.  When I see others who act, talk, and think the polar opposite of me…I sometimes revert back to some bad habits and start to cast judgment…but I try to remember to remind myself that God loves that person the same as He loves me…I’m no better in His eyes.  He cares for us no matter who we are, not matter where we are from, no matter our circumstance.  God’s vision is 20/20, He looks through a lens that Cares.  He loves us for who we are.  He celebrates our successes.  He loves us at our best and our worst.  I want to be like that for others.

What glasses do you want people to look at you through?  Do you want people to focus on your flaws or your strengths?  Maybe your outlook on life needs a new prescription.  Try this new pair on that I described and see how they fit.  I believe this lens will be much more clear and fulfilling.  Oh by the way, Judah wears glasses…just saying…I’m pretty sure which ones they are too.