Pro tip (10 minute read): Before you begin reading this, take out your journal or a piece of paper and a pen. Or, if you have the ability to print it out, then do so and mark up the margins while you read. The following post is packed with actionable information that will help you, your family, and team maximize your time in the coming weeks and months.
As Americans, we’re many weeks (even months) into our unique and collective existence as a quarantined society. By now you and your family probably have found ways to get through the days, but are you making the most of your days?
Speaking at a Limitless Minds event
Maybe you haven’t given that much thought or you feel overwhelmed or stuck. Is every day starting to feel like Groundhog Day? I am in your corner. I understand all of those scenarios and have created a game plan to help you thrive instead of survive during this time. This method includes: defining “mental toughness,” explaining the Three Ps of Resiliency and Change Management, and writing a specific plan to thrive during this changing and challenging environment. Let’s dive in, shall we?
MENTAL TOUGHNESS
There are quotes and verses we hang onto throughout our lives. For me, it’s one my dad taught me when I was playing football for him in the fifth grade, and it resonates now as a reminder of both character and mental toughness.
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
—Martin Luther King, Jr.
Our true character is going to reveal itself in this time of quarantine and social distancing, so how are you going to respond? What do you do when things get hard? Do you give up? Do you quit? Do you get small?
If you’re anything like scientist Tony Stark from the movie The Avengers, then you use your will and make a way. When terrorists capture Tony, they tell him to build a missile, and if he doesn’t do it within a week he will die. Instead of folding or succumbing to the pressure, Tony Stark instead creates Iron Man, a suit of armor that saves his own life and also serves humanity for the better. He takes a horrible scenario and turns it into something great.
Listen, we cannot control events and we cannot control outcomes, but we CAN control our response. My definition of mental toughness is how you respond to adversity, challenges, and success, and I like to turn that into the following equation:
E + R = O (Events + Response = Outcomes)
Do you have grit? The ability to pivot? Do you look for the open window when doors start closing around you? Singer-songwriter Tori Kelly is a living example of mental toughness. Even as a small girl, Tori wanted to make music. She performed on Star Search at age 10 and signed a record deal in 2007 that ended up falling through—she never had the chance to record an album because she and the label couldn’t agree on a sound.
Instead of giving up on her dream, she tried out for American Idol … but missed the top 25. Again she changed course and learned how to play the guitar. She started posting music to YouTube, and in 2013, Justin Bieber’s manager signed her. Her first album came out in 2015, and it did OK. Then in 2018, she decided to shift gears yet again and recorded a gospel album, which spoke to her passion for her faith. Guess what? That album won her not one, but two Grammys. All of this to say … there is no straight path to greatness. Tori just kept trying to figure out how to make her dream come true. Read through her story again and note all the ways she worked to improve herself while chasing her vision.
RESILIENCY & CHANGE MANAGEMENT
I guarantee if you use this time of quarantine and the ensuing months in the right way, you’ll be amazed at the results, whether great or small. You could invent something (not out of the question!) or you could create a family tradition that will last for generations to come. During the economic downturn around 2008 and 2009, many new businesses emerged. Uber started its ride-sharing model, Airbnb started renting rooms and homes, and Venmo developed a cashless way to exchange currency. It’s just like University of Virginia basketball coach Tony Bennett once said:
“Adversity is life’s golden ticket if we choose to use it in the right way.”
—Tony Bennett
So let’s get specific and focus on three areas, or what I call the THREE Ps OF MASTERING RESILIENCY AND CHANGE MANAGEMENT: Perspective, Priorities, and Process.
1. PERSPECTIVE
Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” Take a moment to let that set in. How are your thoughts these days? By nature, 80 percent of human thoughts are negative. What are you consuming that’s negative and what are you saying to yourself that’s negative? Can you remove or replace these influences? Can you think of a “reset” word to say to yourself when you start going down a hole of negativity?Having an attitude or perspective of gratitude might not happen overnight, but like any skill, it can be trained. Now is a wonderful time to begin. Start with noticing how you’re speaking to yourself and what types of information you’re focusing on each day. Recognize when you’re letting doubt, fear, or worry start to take hold.
Next, initiate a couple routines to cultivate optimism. Take a walk of gratitude and soak in the beauty of nature, which is abundant during springtime. At the dinner table, say one thing you’re happy about or something you’re thankful for from the day’s events. In my family we call these “happy dinners,” and we like to say we’re “hunting the good stuff.” There IS some good out there if you choose to shift your perspective away from the negative.
According to Dr. Porath’s research, negatively is 4-7x more powerful than positivity.
It’s not as simple as flipping a lightswitch, I know. But if you’re consuming or speaking something negative, it’s four to seven times more powerful than being positive. Or as author and research professor Christine Porath from Georgetown University said, “Bad is stronger than good.”
Controlling what you can control is an elite mental skill. Many people major in minor things, things outside of their control. Boats don’t sink from water outside the boat, they sink when water gets inside. Think about that for a second.
Here’s an exercise to try: Take a piece of paper and a pen. Draw a box in the middle. Around the box write down what’s outside of your control. Things like how long the pandemic lasts, whether or not you’ve been laid off, schools being closed, etc. Next, inside the box write the things you can control: how much sleep you’re getting, serving other people, being present, showing gratitude, etc.
Another version of this exercise is to try writing down the things that cause you stress. Just take a few minutes and make a list. Now go back and circle the things that are outside of your control. Stop and think about why you are giving these things energy? You cannot control them. Shift your perspective to focus on what’s in your control. That’s all you can do!
2. PRIORITIES
The second P of resiliency and change management is Priorities. When there’s a crisis scenario or challenging environment, the number one thing people need is effective leadership. But it’s critical to pinpoint what’s most vital for you and your family or business (if you’re leading an organization).
Ask yourself, What do I need to do? Instead of being a victim, have a bias for action, for the RIGHT action. Here’s a fun fact: In 1665, Isaac Newton got sent home from university to avoid contact during the Bubonic Plague. During this time of “quarantine” he is credited with many observations and theories, including calculus and gravity. Those are pretty amazing accomplishments!
During quarantine, Sir Isaac Newton definitely won the wait!
Maybe you know your priorities, but I challenge you to laser in on what I believe are five essential priorities to master. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the front lines of health care, if you’re a professional working from home, a stay-at-home parent, or a student. These apply to everyone and will help you Win the Wait:
RECOVERY: Are you up until 2 a.m. watching Netflix? Are you on your phone late at night? There’s just too much data on the power of sleep regarding thinking more clearly, lowering stress, having more energy, and the list goes on and on. What are short routines you can do before bed and right when you wake up? Think about your personal preferences and write down a wind-down plan, whether that’s putting your phone in another room, listening to a mindfulness app, or reading instead of watching a movie. And when you wake up, think about writing a short gratitude checklist, actually getting dressed, and fueling your body with good food. Just because you’re not going into work or school doesn’t mean you should uproot good sleep, recovery, and self-care habits.
MOVEMENT: Stay active. It’s as simple as that. If you get your heart rate to 120 or 130, it’s like taking an antidepressant drug. Fact! Even though you might not be able to go to the gym, you can go on walks or runs, you can do bodyweight workouts, and there are countless studios and trainers offering live and recorded workouts for a fee or even for free. All you have to do is figure out what might work for you and what you enjoy doing, and commit to it. If not daily, then a few times per week.
HONE YOUR CRAFT: Whatever your craft, job, or role, how can you improve your skills in that area during this time? How many times have you said, “There’s just not enough time in the day to do x, y, or z”? Well, many of the distractions that have zapped that time previously (think social obligations, commuting, running kids to practices, etc.) are just no longer a part of our daily schedules, which frees up plenty of time, if you use it correctly.
I know for some this is a challenge, especially for many parents who are solo and homeschooling on top of all the other household management responsibilities. But, I challenge you to think of something you’re passionate about and figure out a way to find a few moments of your day to fit it in. I love how many people are out there on Instagram making sourdough bread for the first time or creating unique art masterpieces to share. Necessity breeds invention, after all, so just dig into this idea a bit.
CONNECTION: We have basic human needs for survival including safety, food, and human connection. We’re hardwired to be a part of a tribe, and we are missing that last piece right now. We need something in our days to create the hormone oxytocin, which boosts relationships along with many other positive effects. What can you do to make sure you’re strengthening important connections with the people you love, friends, colleagues, business partners, neighbors, etc.? I have a buddy who is challenging himself to reach out to five people every day just to make sure he and others feel connected. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but just don’t overlook the importance of human connection.
How are you staying connected?
INNOVATION: Whatever your role, you’re up against some type of challenge, so what can you do to implement solutions to those issues? How can you find an answer to some of the problems you’re facing as a leader, parent, employee, athlete, etc.? As someone whose business is built around live workshops and speaking engagements, I’ve had to innovate and rework my entire business. I’ve learned a lot in a very short amount of time. How can you learn a new skill, find a new product or service, or connect in a different way to bring value?This is the framework for your plan and priorities I believe to be essential. By all means, if you need to add another priority to the list, do it.
3. PROCESS
Now it’s time to come up with routines to file into each of these five buckets. This is the final P, Process. Having some sort of organized process helps avoid decision fatigue and keeps things simple. Maybe you took some notes while you were reading through priorities. Now it’s time to go back through and declare how you will address each.
Have you ever heard of Olympic swimmer Janet Evans? I heard her speak once, and her advice on the importance of process has always stuck with me. When she was twelve, the Olympics were in her home state of California, and she had the chance to watch many events and pieces of the ceremonies. She was so inspired she told her coach she wanted to be a swimmer for her country. He told her she needed to change her habits and start waking up at 4:30, swimming six miles in the morning and six at night, adding in a half-hour of push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups, and upgrading her eating habits (Doesn’t sound like much, huh? Ha!). He told her to do this six days a week for the next five years.
Well, Janet was so committed to her dream that she did exactly what her coach advised. When she reached the world championships at the age of seventeen, she saw her opponent who appeared to be out of her league physically, but Janet trusted her process, set a world record, and then went on to win three golds at the 1988 Olympics. She knew she put in the time and trusted her training.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “trust the process.” It’s not just for elite athletes or top professionals. It’s for everyone. Below are a couple tips to help in refining your process(es).
Do you know your MITs? Your Most Important Tasks each day? These are three important tasks that if you complete, you’ll win the day. Win YOUR day. Write them down and commit to them. My MITs are:
1. Go to bed by 10:30 and wake up at 5:30 every morning. I have to get up prior to anybody or I won’t win the morning. I need time for myself.
2. Exercise every single day. This is a huge stress reliever and level-setter for me.
3. Talk to my wife, Kendra, regarding the schedule of the day. Know who is managing the kids at what times. If I can do these three, I’m going to have a good day.
Here’s a pic of the Henderson squad
Once your MITs are locked-in, can you recognize your EPAs? Your Energy Pulling Activities? What are the things that are pulling your attention away? It could be certain types of people, your phone, computer, or the TV. Reflect and realize what’s taking your time and energy from your tasks.
Also, quick question for you: How often do you have your to-do list out and do all the easy stuff first? Maybe you just love to check off tasks. Well, the executive chairman and former CEO of Disney, Bob Iger, says to “do the hard thing first.” If you can train yourself to get after the tough things on your to-do list, the challenging tasks you know you must accomplish, then just add that up over the course of one or two months and think of the results! YOU GOT THIS!
Do you know how many hours are in one week? The answer is 168. I challenge you to really think about and assess what you are doing with your 168. Jeff Bezos and Beyonce have the same 168. Don’t waste a day. You won’t get this time back.
I hope you’ll put into action some or all of what you just read. Maybe you feel like your priorities are dialed but you’re just not solid on a process. Or maybe you are falling victim to a negative perspective more often than positive. Take the time to reflect and refocus on the positive things that can and will come out of this time. Every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition. As author Ryan Holiday says, “The obstacle is the way.”
Let’s go! Use these tools to win the wait and start today what you’ll wished you’d started months from now.
Collin Henderson is a 5x author, speaker and CEO of Master Your Mindset. Please visit thecollinhenderson.com for more of his content.